17-year-old refuses to move house after grieving mom's new boyfriend claims their current home is haunted by her stepdad: 'He moved in with us 3 months after they started dating'

Bereavement can have a wild effect on those who experience it, and quite often, everybody goes through it differently. It is a situation that is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn't make it any less tough. The side effects that come from this can sometimes seem nonsensical to other people, to say the least. 

For those who are supporting somebody going through something as difficult as mourning, it can be a delicate balance (especially if you are a close family member). On the one hand, you want to respect how they process their emotions, but on the other, certain boundaries can be necessary if they show extreme behaviors or make rash decisions. It is not a pleasant thing to be on the receiving end of, in particular if it is a scenario that you do not have a lot of agency in and where it may change circumstances drastically. 

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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    AITA for telling my mom that I don't want to move out of my house during my last year of high school?

    I (17F) have lived at the same house for all my life. In August of 2023, my stepdad passed away and my mom (47F) was the one who came upon his body. Since then, my mother has struggled with PTSD. Less than a year after his death, she started dating a new guy (42M) and he basically started moving in with us (without me being even told what was going on) 3 months after they started dating. Now, he's telling my mom that the spirit of my stepdad is haunting my mom. So my mom is now trying to find a
    via Upper_Plant8260
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  • One teenager felt like she was dealing with exactly this kind of situation after her stepfather passed. Her mom had found him in their home, an experience that had left her traumatized.

    Not long after the stepdad's passing, her mom got a new boyfriend, who moved in with them after a relatively short period of time. He began claiming that the house was haunted by the spirit of the stepdad, leading her mom to consider selling the house and moving.

    The 17-year-old protested, as she was in her final year of high school and didn't want that to be disrupted by moving from the house she had lived in all her life. Her mom wasn't happy, leading her to wonder if she had an unreasonable request.

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    Cheezburger Image 10495634176
    via Joshua Rawson-Harris

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "She began yelling at me that I didn't want her to be happy"

    wants to sell our house, buy another one in the same area, sell that after I graduate, then move to a much more expensive state. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that because I've lived here all my life and I would just like some normalcy in my final year of highschool next year. I also told her that would probably cost a lot of money given that our mortgage is about a fourth of the price of mortgage in the surrounding area, so that would probably cost a lot of money, as well as her still ha
    via Upper_Plant8260
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  • 05

    Commenters sympathized with the girl's situation.

    celticmusebooks I feel like there's something missing from this story. First off: selling a house, buying another house, and then selling that house and moving again in the period of a year is an AMAZINGLY bad financial decision. It sounds like the new boyfriend is manipulating your mom into this bad plan. I have a bad feeling that he plans to somehow benefit financially from this real estate shell game he's pushing. Will his name be on the deed to the new house? Will your mom be using some of t
    via celticmusebooks
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    The sensible thing to do would be to REMAIN in the house with the lower payment until after you graduate (and the rollercoaster of the economy settles down). She can then take the difference between her current payment and the much higher "new" payment and put that money directly toward her credit card debt.
    via celticmusebooks
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    Upper Plant8260 OP She has the idea in her head that she has an infinite amount of money because she's received money from both my stepdad and her aunt's will. Because of that, she thinks she can put off her debt and in the meantime, spend her money on extravagant things. For example, in the past year, she's gone on a trip to Mexico, trip to Colorado, two trips to Las Vegas, gone to a ton of concerts, and eats out every single day multiple times a day. I try not to engage in this behavior when I
    via Upper_Plant8260
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  • 08
    angelica-allbright Whoa, that boyfriend of your mom's is ▶ of your dad from beyond the grave? Nah. imo. He's jealous Your mom is grieving and it sounds like maybe she's rebounding pretty hard. 3 months is not long enough to move in with someone. For her sake, she needs to slow it down. I get that it could be really hard to say this to her. Maybe a conversation focused on her talking about her feelings and some open communication about asking her to wait just until you move out? Maybe framing it
    via angelica-allbright
  • 09
    Only-upvibes Mom needs grief counseling and therapy for her trauma. The bf is taking advantage of her mental despair. Golden rule has always been not to do anything for a year after any trauma. Mom is an adult and unfortunately is not listening to reason. Is there a friend or sister you can talk to about this so that they can be a voice of reason?
    via Only-upvibes
  • 10
    gtrena1300 NTA. she's an a hle for that line about "sacrificing for people for 20 years". i hate it when parents don't parent, her job ain't done until you're AT LEAST out of high school so it's not time to "live for you" yet baby. she can wait a year for you to finish school but at the end of the day you'll have to let her make her stupid decision, just protect yourself and don't sign your name for anything surrounding this. (i realize you're still 17 but she could definitely try to take advant
    via gtrena1300
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  • 11
    BGS2204 Mom was dating and in a serious relationship within a year? She met a guy who is going to take her money once the house is sold. He's using her. Call an attorney and find out if you have any claim to part of your step dad's estate. If not, there is not much you can do other than try to get her to break up with this guy.
    via BGS2204
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    Silly Brilliant868 NTA. You can express how you feel about the situation. But in the end it's her decision what to do with her house (even if it's a bad one).
    via Silly_Brilliant868
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    BigSun9567 If you and your mom have any joint bank accounts, you need to open new solo accounts and get your name off of the old accounts as quickly as possible. It sounds like this new boyfriend is actually a scammer and so you don't want him to accidentally take your money too. and I really hope it works out and your mom comes to her senses.
    via BigSun9567
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    Dramatic Web3223 It sounds like he recognizes that your mom has a lot of equity in the house, and he wants part of it. Selling the house will also get him a place that is "his" or "theirs" and not just hers. Seems like step dad's ghost is "haunting" him. At 40+ years old and he had to move in quickly with a widow and her child sounds like he isn't too stable himself and is probably a gold digger. Next, he'll have her not really supporting you once you go away to college, if that's the path you'r
    via Dramatic_Web3223
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    jsquared2004 NTA Also, you should tell your mom in front of BF that if your stepdad really is haunting HER from the grave, he'll move with them wherever they go. I agree BF is red flag and Mom should deal with her PTSD instead of running from it with a manipulative man.
    via jsquared2004
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    sarcastic-pedant NTA but your mom is vulnerable and you need to be careful to get through to her. Your argument re the mortgage is not a great one, if her mortgage is small, she may have equity in the property that means she can pay off her debt and use it as a high deposit in a new place. Is your house lower value to others in the area? What you could say is that there are costs associated with buying and selling that aren't worth it if you want to do that twice in as many years, estate agency
    via sarcastic-pedant
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  • 17
    Victor-Grimm NTA-When she starts looking she will realize that she is going to be priced out of the area and then try to force you to change schools for your last year. She needs to hold it together for just your school year and then do what she wants.
    via Victor-Grimm
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    bubblyH20Emergency Tell your mom you need to go to counseling with her. She needs real help for her PTSD and grief.
    via bubblyH2OEmergency
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    DMV_Lolli I'm extremely biased when it comes to this subject. I feel like any parent who moves a child away from their high school, particularly in the last 2 years, for no good reason other than their own desires, is a selfish High school is hard enough. And parents that scream about the sacrifices they had to make for their minor children (when it comes to everyday parenting, not actually going above and beyond) are the worst of the worst. This scenario wreaks of your mother's boyfriend's infl
    via DMV_Lolli
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  • 20
    MaeSilver909 Too bad your mom didn't get grief counseling b/c that's what's going on here. Hopefully, you have extended family in the area who will allow you to stay with them through your senior year. It's your mom's house & she can do with it what she wants.
    via MaeSilver909
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    kw4885 NAH, aside from maybe the new boyfriend. Everybody experiences grief in different ways. So sorry you are going through this. I would not get too down in the weeds about the mechanics and financials of it all unless your mom asks for your input on that part, and keep conversations between the two of you regarding the subject being limited to your desire to stay in the home if at all possible until you finish school.
    via kw4885
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    WorkoutHopeful She probably won't listen to you, but you should try. Do you have any aunts, uncles, or grandparents who could talk to her? Does she have any close friends? Are there any adults anywhere who could intervene and spell out why she should wait?
    via WorkoutHopeful
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    via here4cmmts

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