"I'm watching [her] throw her life away": Older sister gives 19-year-old a stern talking to for giving up top engineering program to stay with her high school sweetheart, sister takes it the wong way

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Apr 21, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Teenagers are not renowned for their decision-making skills – especially in the long term. In fact, they are pretty much known for the opposite. Teens are often impulsive and emotional with their choices, which is why it is so important for them to have great role models and plenty of guidance as they navigate their transition to adulthood. Still, 18-year-olds are expected to make decisions that will follow them for the rest of their lives. 

In our story today, a clever teenagers is accepted to one of the top engineering program, which is quite far from her hometown. However, her high school sweet heart boyfriend issues an ultimatum that will end the relationship if she chooses to move away. Torn between young love and pursuing what she has been working for for years, she confides in her older sister. Unfortunately, big sis isn't so prudent when she dishes out her advice and opinions on the matter. 

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  • 01

    AITA calling my sister moronic considering giving up her college offer stay with her bf?

    Cheezburger Image 10496365312
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  • 02
    Please help because I feel like I am watching my sister throw her life away. I am 23F and my sister, Anna, is 18F. Anna is a senior in highschool and has always been a really great student, smart, passionate, etc. She's on her school's robotics team
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 03
    and wants to study engineering in college, and has perfect grades in math and science. A few weeks ago, we were ecstatic when Anna announced that she got into a top engineering school. It's out of
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
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  • 05
    state and expensive, but she was offered a partial scholarship, and with financial aid it should be affordable. Our grandparents also offered to pitch in to cover any additional costs so that the financial burden would be taken off of Anna.
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 06
    When Anna found out that she got in, she was over the moon! But recently I've noticed a change in how she talks about it, and she doesn't seem excited anymore. After she went for a tour last weekend for accepted students, she sounded miserable when I
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 07
    called her. A few days ago my mom told me that she overheard a conversation between Anna and her boyfriend. She has been dating this guy, Joe (19M), since she was a sophomore and he was a junior. He now goes to a local college about 20 minutes from our town. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, and
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 08
    smart too. But apparently, if she goes away to school, he will break up with her because he doesn't want to do long distance. Apparently, their initial plan was that she would go to the same school as him and they would live together, and then get married as soon as they graduate.
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
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  • 10
    When I facetimed with Anna yesterday, I immediately confronted her about this. When I asked if this was why she seemed so sad about her acceptance, she initially denied it, but eventually broke down and told me that she was considering going to the local college instead. She tried to
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 11
    justify it by saying that it would be less money and closer to home anyway, but I told her that it would be a horrible decision to forfeit an incredible opportunity to go to a top school just for some guy, and she would regret it. She told me that she was really excited to get in, but she didn't want Joe to
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 12
    break up with her because she would never find anyone else. I told her that it was absolutely moronic to give up an amazing opportunity that she FULLY earned and sacrifice all the doors it could open for her just to be with a guy. She started crying more and hung up on me. Now she won't answer my texts.
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 13
    I feel terrible. I know I was harsh, but it seemed like it was something she needed to hear. If she didn't like the school and genuinely wanted to stay local, I would totally support her. I love Anna so much and want the best for her, and want to support her no
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 14
    matter what. But I can also see that she will likely regret giving this up just to be with her boyfriend who doesn't even want to slightly compromise. From my perspective, the right person would be supportive of her accomplishments, not diminish them. I don't know. Maybe I was out of line. AITA?
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean

  • Our protagonist's concern for her little sis is completely valid, it just seems like she didn't go about voicing her opinion in the right way. Instead of offering insightful advice, she came of as judgemental. 

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  • 16
    EDIT: I just want to clarify that I did not intend to sound elitist in this post or that you can't still have a good career if you go to a local school (or don't even go to college at all) rather than a big-name university. I also went to a state school to save
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 17
    money and worked at a restaurant all through college to pay for it and I have a job and career I like now. I just think that throwing away a good opportunity that could open many doors career and connection-wise for the sole purpose of keeping a relationship is a poor choice.
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 18
    NTA Famous_Specialist_44 Hard truth is her boyfriend recognises their relationship is not forever. If it was meant to be he would make it work.
    via u/Famous_Specialist_44
  • 19
    throw_aitaiwasmean OP Thank you, and I agree! I have a friend from highschool who did stay with her boyfriend through college, even though they went to separate schools over 1000 miles away (which is a LONGER distance than Anna and her bf would have!). I do think it could work, but if her
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 20
    boyfriend isn't even willing to CONSIDER long distance then he isn't in it for the long haul imo. But also I know what it's like to be that age and have the fantasy of getting married young and finding *the one* early. As someone who did break up with my highschool bf after a semester of college, these relationships usually aren't forever.
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 21
    ohdearitsrichardiii And if she stays and the relationship goes south (as high school romances often do as people grow up) she won't be able to break up with him because then she will have sacrificed so much for nothing. And she might worry people will tell her "I told you so"
    via u/ohdearitsrichardiii
  • 22
    calling_water If it was that great a relationship, Anna's concern wouldn't just be that she's scared she'll never find anyone else. That's an indicator of poor self- esteem not true love.
    via u/calling_water
  • 23
    He certainly thinks he'll find someone else (pretty quickly probably) since he's talking about breaking up rather than trying long distance, so why doesn't she?
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  • 24
    happybanana134 NTA because you're absolutely right, but Y TA because your approach to this is awful and will likely make things worse.
    via u/happybanana134
  • 25
    'she didn't want Joe to break up with her because she would never find anyone else. I told her that it was absolutely moronic to give up an amazing opportunity that she FULLY earned and sacrifice all the doors it could open for her just to be with a guy.'
    via u/happybanana134
  • 26
    Ffs. She's literally telling you what she's worried about and instead of offering any reassurance, you're making her feel worse by insulting her. On what planet is this going to give her the confidence to take the leap and go to the top school?
    via u/happybanana134
  • 27
    Your sister needs assurance that a) if she and Joe are truly meant to be, her going away to college won't change that because they'll find their way back to each other b) that the right guy would be supporting her and pushing her to take this opportunity and c) that she's amazing and is going to meet so many brilliant people who will just love her.
    via u/happybanana134
  • 28
    throw_aitaiwasmean OP Thank you for this advice. I know I should have approached it in a kinder manner. In the moment, I just couldn't help but blurt that out because I couldn't believe that she would even consider giving up an opportunity like this, especially one that I truly believe she earned and deserves.
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 29
    I'm going to give Anna some space today, and this weekend I will talk to my parents and see if Anna would be willing to talk to me. I do want to get these messages across to her, because there are
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 30
    so many amazing people she will meet in college and beyond; people who ARE willing to compromise with her and let her achieve her dreams without dragging her down.
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean
  • 31
    Thank you again for perfectly articulating what I *should* have said to Anna and what I want to tell her once I give her a little space and reconcile.
    via u/throw_aitaiwasmean

  • Showing  her little sister this post and thread might help her make a better and informed decision in the end. There are so many insightful perspectives here. If she really didn't vibe with the school, that's one thing, but throwing away her future for a boy who isn't even willing to give long distance a shot is pretty impulsive.

  • 32
    Informal-Prestige NTA my BIL turned down great scholarships for his gf. They are no longer together and he works on boat docks. We watch soccer games together for my son and talk about how many scholarships he
    via u/Informal-Prestige
  • 33
    had. Just getting accepted won't make her happy forever. One day it will be "I should have" if she doesn't open her eyes. A relationship that can't stand the long distance test probably wouldn't stand up against the trials of life.
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  • 34
    Dogs Reading Books I don't care if I'm gonna get lots of downvotes for this. I think you absolutely did the right thing. I would do the exact same thing if it were one of my sisters. You're trying to look out for her and her future. She's
    via u/DogsReadingBooks
  • 35
    young, as are you, but she genuinely believes that this is it for her. He's the guy for her. She needs to get out, explore, go to the college she got admitted to, and broaden her horizons. NTA. You're looking out for your sister.
    via u/DogsReadingBooks
  • 36
    SassyCatLady442 Nta. I knew a girl who threatened her boyfriend that if he went to the college he wanted to, which was 8 hours away, she would break up with him. He turned down his scholarship and agreed to go to the local community college. She waited until the day prior to leaving to say she got into a college States away and was dumping him.
    via u/SassyCatLady442
  • 37
    The kicker, she got her acceptance letter a week before he got his. She had every intention of going away and dumping him. She just wanted to see what he would do given the ultimatum. Hopefully, your sister does the smart thi g and go to her college.
    via u/SassyCatLady442
  • 38
    StyraxCarillon YTA for telling her that her choice is moronic, even though I agree with you. When you started insulting her, you closed the door to communication. I hope that you told her what you wrote in your last paragraph, before she hung up. Those were. important points.
    via u/StyraxCarillon

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long distance boyfriend family drama university adulting siblings girlfriend raising teens advice adulthood family education sister breakup college
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