Girlfriend refuses to brush teeth unless her boyfriend watches, he considers breaking up due to her petty requests: "It's the bare minimum"

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 22, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Relationships can make everything in our lives better, or they can be a real burden. They obfuscate our rationality. We know how we feel and what we want, or where our boundaries are, and suddenly someone messes with our sense of self, and we end up losing sight of what we actually felt in a moment. When things are good with our partners, it feels like we're on top of the world. No one likes to have fights, and sometimes they're even necessary, but if it becomes a pattern then it's something both people have to look at and analyze. 

We've all had bad relationships (at least most of us). Sometimes we look back on them when an intrusive thought pops up, and we wonder what we ever saw in them. Fighting about the smallest and pettiest things can be the most exhausting thing in a relationship. 

In the story below, the couple has pretty constant fights about the petulant things. There's a lot of stubbornness and refusing to do/go/or say between them. I'm not sure if the issue is about communication, boundaries, or maturity, but either way they should probably break up. 

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  • 01

    I told my girlfriend "no"

    Cheezburger Image 10496357376
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  • 02
    My girlfriend and I have been. dating for a few months and we've gotten into a few fights already. Apart from these fights, its been a great relationship so far that neither of us can go a day without talking to each other. We're always planning to spend time together and I've found that all of my free
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14

  • This woman seems insufferable. She's petty and childish, she refuses to meet him anywhere halfway, she refuses to compromise. Of course to her these requests seem small, so if they're so small then why is she dragging them out to be the biggest deal in the world? She needs a reality check. 

  • 03
    time usually is spent with her. I am giving a tremendous amount of effort to make this work because I really love her but im afraid that she might be taking things for granted.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 04
    With that for context, we've had a few bad fights that is really making me reconsider if we're really compatible. From my perspective, i feel like i do a lot for her to show her that i care for her and am making a great effort to be a good boyfriend. For example, i took her on a week long road trip to Miami
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 05
    for her birthday and it was the first time ive ever booked a suite because i wanted it to be special since its the first time were celebrating a birthday together. Made a couple reservations on her actual birthday. Only doing what she wanted to do because this trip was all about her. And the day we
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 06
    were supposed to leave, we got into a mini fight after she asked if i could help her pack her things since i finished packing already and was relaxing. I told her that i was really tired but ultimately gave in to help her. We had a small talk about it after wards and i expressed to her that she simply requests too many things from me sometimes
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 07
    and that i have a limit. We settled it with a mission to work on our communication and when i am feeling overwhelmed by her requests, i will let her know and she will tone them down. No biggie right?
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 08
    The next fight we had was a couple weeks after when we were both hanging out at my place and after a long day and she asked me to go downstairs to get her a glass of water. A small request that i should have no problem with. However, i felt extremely tired this time and
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 09
    although i usually get her a glass of water whenever she asks, i asked if she could get the water for herself this time as she knows where everything is and i have no roommates so there shouldnt be any problems. We both ended up just falling asleep for a couple hours. I woke up because i had to use the bathroom, and during this
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 10
    time when i got up, she asked again for the glass of water. Since i was already up, i went to get the glass and brought it up to her. After i handed it to her, i dropped back down to bed, exhausted and wanting to go back to sleep right away. She finished drinking and touched my arm with the glass, indicating that she wanted me to
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 11
    put it down on the ground for her. I was so tired i didnt want to, so i ignored it. This made her mad so she touched my arm again with it with a grunt kind of. I got annoyed at this so i blurted out, "i'm good bro." This made her livid and we started fighting until i apologized for saying what i said and i hoped that was the end of it.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 12
    I also want to note that we were on good terms the times in between these fights. Everything goes smoothly until i refuse to do one of her requests.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 13
    The next fight we had was when we got home again after a long day of doing stuff and she was so sleepy she went straight to my bed without brushing or putting on her retainer (she needs to put this on nightly because she got invisalign).
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 14
    I tried to convince her to brush together before we got into bed, but shes very hard to get up when shes already down. So i went to brush without her and got ready for bed. When i was done, i didnt want to just let her sleep without putting her retainer on, so i tried to get her up and felt i was annoying
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 15
    her but it worked. She got up and went to brush as I laid down in bed cause i was tired. She normally likes it when i stand behind her when she brushes so she can feel my presence, and she requested it again this time. I usually say yes, but this time i was really tired so i told her to just please brush on her own and join me in bed after shes
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 16
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    via junce from Getty Images / Canva

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  • 17
    done. The sooner she finishes the sooner we can be physically together again. The bathroom is attached to my bedroom so i was literally like 10 feet away from her. She got really upset and refused to brush until i got up and stand next to her. I told her she was being ridiculous and this made her more
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 18
    mad. So she sat there on my toilet for what seems like the next half hour while i stayed in bed. She eventually got it done and joined me in bed and we both just let it go in the morning.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 19
    We were good for a little bit, until the other day when i was working in DC and decided to get a drink with an old friend after work. During this time, she asked if her and her friend can crash at my place for a little bit. I let them use my place to hang out while i was out and was excited to see her
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 20
    when i got back. We got to hang out for a little bit with her friend too and when she had to go, she offered to take my girlfriend home so that i dont have to drive out and come back home as they live near each other. Everyone agreed it was a good idea. I took advantage of this by getting ready for bed early
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 21
    because i had work again the next day in the office. I was already in bed when she got home and she wanted to call me to say good night. I answered her call right away with enthusiasm and was ready to have a nice good night call and go to bed. That is until she asked if we could FaceTime instead.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 22
    I nicely told her that i did not want to because i would have to get up from bed, turn on the lights which would disturb my sleep, and that i was really tired and if we can just say good night over the phone. She got really mad that i was refusing to get on FaceTime, and angrily said "Well i dont want to
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 23
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    via Monkey Business Images / Canva

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  • 24
    just talk to nothing so i guess good night." To which i said "Alright, good night." And she hung up. The next day I texted her first in hopes that she wasnt still mad. But she made it obvious with her one word replies. She had plans to see her friend that night so she said "ill be busy so ill talk to you later". Which is fine i gave her that space.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 25
    The following day we had plans the whole day, and it was supposed to be another date night i planned for us and got us tickets for to this pottery painting thing. The plan was for me to pick her up from her friends place (which is like a 40 minute drive). So i texted her first thing in the morning to let me
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 26
    know when she would like me to come so that i can prepare. She didnt reply for a couple of hours, and then she finally said that she was going to just metro home and stay home for the day. This made me pretty upset because i was just waiting around all morning for her since i promised her i would pick
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 27
    her up. I let my emotions take over me and i asked if she was just going to forget about all our plans today? To which she got really angry with me and said that she never planned on skipping out on the date, but if i was going to have this nasty attitude we might as well. We didnt fix things in time before the time of the event so the tickets went to waste.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 28
    So now its the next day and we're still going back and forth with how i feel like im doing so much for her but its never enough, and the moment i say "no" to one of her requests, she gets angry and it blows up into a big thing. She says that she appreciates everything i do, but if i cant do these simple asks then im not even doing the "bare minimum" as a boyfriend.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 29
    I just cant seem to see her side or agree with her because i feel like im doing so much for her! I dedicate all my free time to spend with her, i pay for mostly everything, and even drive her to DC multiple times just so she can hang out with her friends safely so she doesnt have to metro while i wait for her to be done and take
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 30
    her home. And because i said "no" a few times to requests that i think are a little bit silly and unnecessary, shes accusing me of not doing the bare minimum.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 31
    I really want this to work and if its me, why do i feel burnt out by all her requests? Am i just a bad boyfriend? Thanks in advance for any advice.
    via u/PersimmonNecessary14
  • 32
    Street-Pen956 • 7h ago Dude, you're not a bad boyfriend - you're just with someone who's redefining "bare minimum" to mean constant service on command.
    via u/Street-Pen956
  • 33
    Relationships aren't supposed to be 24/7 customer support. If she blows up every time you express a boundary, it's not a relationship — it's a performance.
    via u/Street-Pen956
  • 34
    jessiee33x .7h ago NTA. It sounds like you're constantly giving — your time, energy, money, emotional effort — and the moment you ask for a break or say "no," she sees it as a betrayal. That's not fair.
    via u/jessiee33x
  • 35
    Relationships are about mutual respect and support, not conditional affection based on how many favors you do.
    via u/jessiee33x

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