14-year-old adopted son keeps in contact with bio dad but refuses to meet his new wife, dad insists on making them bond until wife puts her foot down: ‘He wants nothing to do with me’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 24, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

We all forget way too quickly how hard it is to be a teenager. Even though we all agree it is clearly much harder to be an adult, those teenage years are not a picnic either, and we should not let ourselves forget that.

During those monumental years as a teen, everything simply feels extremely high-stakes all the time. Every social interaction, every exam in school, every fight with our parents, it just feels huge at the moment. And even though in retrospect, we know it was all just hormones, messing with our heads, we should not forget those experiences, and we should not disregard how we felt.

This is mainly because when we grow up, and we find ourselves dealing with teenagers, being able to sympathize with them can go a long way. We must always remember how it feels like to be a teenager and give them grace, even if we know they make a mountain out of a molehill.

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  • The teenager in the story below is already dealing with a lot, being an adopted kid who still keeps in touch with his biological parents. It can't be easy, and it surely brings up a lot of emotions that are hard to deal with, especially as a teen.

    So when the 14-year-old decided he didn't want anything to do with his biological parents' spouses, maybe it would be best if the adults respected his decision.

    Surprisingly, the only ones who respect his wishes, are the spouses he doesn't want to see.

  • Cheezburger Image 10497582080
    via Kindel Media

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for refusing to visit my husband's birth son with him this summer?"

    My husband has a 14 year old son who was given up for adoption at birth. My husband and his ex were 18 and did not feel ready to parent so they chose to let
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  • him be raised by people who wanted him desperately. They have an open adoption. They visit about once a year and do regular video calls with their birth son. This has
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  • always been a source of joy for their birth son from what I have seen. My husband was upfront about all of this from the
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  • start. He never hid anything and the contact has been consistent our whole relationship. So here's the thing. I have met his birth son once. It was
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  • before we got married and I knew he did not like me. The whole meeting was awkward and the time we spent together was awkward. His
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  • parents had to correct him a couple of times for being r de. I did not visit with my husband the next two times he went. My husband's ex is
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  • also married now and her husband had a similar experience with our spouses birth son. My husband's ex and her husband had a baby almost
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  • 2 years ago. My husband and I had ours 5 months ago. Their birth son did not appear very happy to hear his birth parents were having more kids. He has siblings
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  • he's growing up with so he's not an only child and never was. But I know my husband and his ex are hoping their birth son will see the babies
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  • as the half siblings that they technically are. Especially when he has such a good relationship with them. Ex's husband has picked up on the same vibe as me that
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  • it's not happening and that their birth son during video calls is only really happy to see/talk to his birth parents and not us or the babies. And we get this. But we've
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  • had a lot of similar experiences here. We're not really anything to this kid but the people his birth parents married and had more kids with. Ex's husband said there
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  • is some hostility our spouses birth son has toward us or him, but he believes us. And he told me he was left on a video call for a couple of minutes when his wife was
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  • tending to their child and the teen glared at him and was mumbling under his breath. He told me his wife appeared surprised. I also spoke to my husband about my feelings
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  • and he was surprised and concerned. So now both my husband and his ex have decided we should all visit their birth son together this summer and spend several
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  • days together. They feel like it should help him get to know us better and get to meet his biological half siblings.
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  • I put my foot down and refused to go. I told my husband he should accept where his birth son is at and right now accepting me and his ex's husband is not
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  • something he appears willing to do. I said going out there with him could make this kid feel even more animosity toward us for interfering on the time with them when we all know he loves seeing them.
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  • My husband said I need to be there and we need all this to work. He said not going will send a message that I don't care. AITA?
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  • Cheezburger Image 10497582336
    via Sima_ha

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • stupit_c_p NTA. If your husband wants to continue a relationship with his bio son, he needs to respect the son's wishes--which clearly indicate he wants nothing to do with you and his bio mother's husband.
    via stupit_c**p
  • It's not something you are making up, because it's identical on the bio mother's side, too. Is bio mother insisting that her husband participate, too?
    via stupit_c**p
  • PreparationNice325 OP Yes, she's insisting he come too.
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  • General _Road_7952 Did either of the biological parents ask the biological son what he wants? He's a teen - he should have a choice
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  • PreparationNice325 OP They didn't ask.
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  • _hangry_forever_ What does ex's husband say about going?
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  • PreparationNice325 OP He doesn't want to go either. He feels like it'll be a miserable experience for everyone involved and could lead to more outright r de behavior on his part toward the two of us. And he said it could damage the relationship our spouses have with their birth son.
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  • United-Manner20 NTA - they need to do what they did all those years ago and put what's best for the child before their wants. He sees them one time a year. He only wants to see them. If they force
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  • you to all go, he will hate the visit. It won't make him accept or be nice to you or the exs husband or the half siblings. You can't force it and they are trying to. You are respecting his wishes.
    via United-Manner20
  • Ok_Objective313 Nta, this kid has made it clear to you and ex's husband that he doesn't want a relationship with either of you. Forcing that will just push him away further making a future relationship
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  • with either of you. Forcing that will just push him away further making a future relationship Impossible. As he gets older he may come around to both of you, but for now he's a teenager in a difficult and
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  • confusing part of life wanting what's familiar. I do think it's worth asking him what he wants. Your husband and his Ex need to sit down with him on a call and ask if he would prefer just they visit or if all of
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  • you visit. They should make it clear that it's his choice and no one will be upset with any decision he makes. He's old enough to decide who he wants around him.
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  • PreparationNice325 OP I agree they should ask. But I suspect they won't because they don't want to hear him confirm what me and ex's husband have said. Or because they want to believe us all being there will change how he feels.
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family drama aita adoption kids mother siblings wife reddit story parenting adopted husband family Reddit women parents children Father
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