Mom refuses to beg son-in-law not to divorce her daughter after she cheats on him and lies to her face about it: "She betrayed not just her husband but everyone who stood up for her"

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    AITA for refusing to beg my son-in-law not to divorce my daughter after she cheated?

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    About a month ago, my daughter's sister-in-law, Ari, suspected that my daughter was having an affair with a family friend named James. Ari brought it to the family's attention. I confronted my daughter directly, and she completely denied it. I gave her a strong warning about how damaging an affair would
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    be not just to her marriage but also to our family's reputation. Her husband (my son-in-law) has always been good to her and to us. I reminded her of all his kindness and support. She assured me it was just a false accusation and promised she would never do such a thing.
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    I then went to speak to my son-in-law personally. I told him I believed it was it was a false accusation and that he shouldn't let rumors ruin his marriage. After some deep talks, he agreed to move past it.
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    Fast forward to three weeks later i got a sudden call from my son-in-law telling me to come over immediately. He didn't explain anything and hung up. I was scared and called my daughter, but my son in- law picked up instead, when i asked about my daughter he said she was fine, but my presence was needed.
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    When I got there, he showed me evidence: he had linked her WhatsApp to his phone and showed me some naughty chats between her and James, including a plan to meet at his house. She had lied to him that she was going to a friend's place (Rose, a hairstylist) to get her hair done. The messages were explicit and set to disappear after 24 hours.
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    I was so ashamed and disappointed in her. After everything we talked about, after her denial and my defense of her, she still did it.
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    Now, my son-in-law is filing for divorce. A couple of days ago, my daughter came home crying, begging me to go with her to plead with her husband to reconsider. I told her no I'm not gonna do such thing. She betrayed not just her husband but everyone who stood up for her.
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    Later that evening, her friend Rose called me, saying I was being too harsh and that even if she did wrong, I should still show her love and support as a mother.
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    Please what do you think? I love my daughter, but I'm deeply hurt, and I don't think i should humiliate myself begging a man she betrayed not to leave her.
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    That_Buy110 The relationship is over. All you can do by talking to him is to prolong the pain. Your daughter did not have an accident, this was deliberate. She had 'warning' that she was about to get caught, which
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    should have made her say 'yeah, this ends right now', but instead she went and did more rather than acting to protect her marriage. You will not be helping her by getting her husband to postpone the inevitable. Approach it from that direction.
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    VesperVoyage OP Thank you so much, i dont even have the courage to stand before him and say a word.
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    iLikeThis116 The relationship is already broken. Talking to him will only delay the inevitable and increase the pain. She made a choice, not a mistake. Let him go.
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    Beast_Infection She's made her decision, and the consequences are unfolding. Trying to delay the outcome only adds more hurt. It's time to face the reality and let things end.
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    Twilight Treasures Yes you are right, like seriously what is she gonna tell her son in-law again? the first one came as a rumor and she used the tag "false accusation" to defend the daughter but this time around what will she say?
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    wicked-valentina Why is your daughter crying now? Doesn't she have the oh-so-important JAMES lined up? She broke her marriage for him on purpose, might as well follow through and let her poor husband have his peace.
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    You already spoke up for her once and she lied to you. You have no leg left to stand on with her husband anyway after that. Consequences are also a good lesson moms can teach. NTA.
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    Longjumping_Lynx9163 You are NTA. You can still love your daughter without supporting her poor decisions. You can be there for her throughout the divorce but you are not obligated to try and fix her wrongs.
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    dude891 Every mother in law should be as upstanding as you are. Supporting your son in law is totally the right thing to do dnd i applaud you for it.
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    Welady Your daughter lied to you about the affair. Trust has been broken in so many places. Your families reputation, and your feared humiliation about begging for your daughter are of little concern. Your daughter's dishonesty, and failure to think of her husband when she was as first questioned, is her downfall, and she should take responsibility for it.
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    NYCStoryteller NTA. It isn't your job to shield her from the consequences of her actions.
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    UseObjectiveEvidence Go to see your son in law, not to get them back together but to apologise and offer him support if he needs it. Your daughter knew exactly what she was doing and the sooner she accepts her role in the demise of her marriage the better.
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    CinlnVegas People need to put the blame on the daughter and James and don't even think about putting 1% of it anywhere else

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