'SHE IS NON-VERBAL, WHY ARE YOU LYING': Daycare teacher audio records her 3-year-old student speaking to prove she's not non-verbal, gets berated by the girl's mom and aunt

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 26, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

So many parents don't want their kids to grow up. They want them to stay in the easy baby stages of life so they don't have to do the work of taking care of a more autonomous person. I'm not even talking about going from being a kid to a teenager. A lot of growth happens from ages 2 to 5, and parents who desperately want their kids to stay in the baby phase and don't encourage them to reach developmentally appropriate milestones are doing their kids a disservice. It's not a big deal if a kid is a little bit behind, but insisting that they're behind and they'll never catch up is a losing attitude. Of course, it's also undesirable to shame kids for not hitting milestones, but that's not the problem at play in this story. While this girl isn't suffering Gypsy Rose Blanchard levels of infantalization, it doesn't seem like her mom is actually listening to her. 

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  • The mom in this story insists that her daughter is nonverbal, despite her speaking to her daycare teacher with regularity. When her teacher told her mom that she was speaking, she accused her of lying. When she got proof that her daughter could speak, that enraged her beyond belief. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10498500608
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
     

  • 02

    AITAH for playing a voice recording to prove to my friend her daughter isn’t nonverbal?

    So I (30f) have a friend (34f) that has a "non-verbal" daughter (3f) let's call her Allie. She isn't diagnosed or anything but everybody says she doesn't talk at all. I watch her 4 days out of the week in my in-home daycare.
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 03
    Although Allie doesn't speak much around other adults, she communicates her needs to me very well and says small things to me frequently. Last week I was in the bathroom (I keep the door cracked so I can listen and make sure everybody is safe) and she walked by and said "Ew you stinky". I laughed and told her
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 04
    mom what she said and I was met with "SHE ISNT VERBAL WHY WOULD YOU MOCK HER" I reassured her that Allie has spoken to me quite a few times and I thought that it was a huge milestone. She told me she didn't believe me and that it was messed up that I would make up something like that to upset her. I
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 05
    told her that I wasn't trying to upset her but I wasn't lying either. So I didn't press the issue further. Here's where I might be the AH. I decided to record Allie (a voice recording, not her face) telling me her name and what her favorite animal is.
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
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    Cheezburger Image 10498501120
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    Fast forward to yesterday she had a birthday party for her other child. At the party I was socializing with other family members and I mentioned the funny things Allie has said to me. Turns out the person I was talking to was her sister and she started yelling at me saying "SHE IS NON-VERBAL WHY ARE YOU LYING". Both her and her sister
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
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    Cheezburger Image 10498500864
    via Fellipe Ditadi (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    shocked and my friend told me to leave. I told her I didn't want to cause issues but I'm not gonna be berated and called a liar. She said that I crossed the line recording her daughter and that I'm an a**hole for embarrassing her at the party. Now I feel horrible and wondering if I should have just let it go..
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 10
    start berating me saying that it's f*cked up that I'm making this up about Allie being verbal. At this point I'm tired of being called a liar. I have two children whom my son was non-verbal for many years. So while everybody was staring at me I decided to prove my case and play the voice recording. Everybody was
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 11
    Edit for clarification: I have contracts that everybody signs when joining my daycare. There is a special needs section that she did not fill out. She also had never mentioned Allie being nonverbal. I only had her as a baby at a previous daycare then hadn't heard from her mom until about two months ago. We only
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
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    spoke over messenger but she never mentioned any diagnosis of or anything related to any special needs care. That's why I was blindsided by her reaction and claim that Allie was nonverbal.
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
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    I also didn't do the recording to embarrass her in any way. I was gonna show her privately then forgot about it until the party when I was backed into a corner. Honestly I was scared and a little embarrassed about being called a
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 14
    liar when I knew I wasn't but I used the recording as a way out of my situation and I feel bad about how I went about it (hence the post).
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 15
    I will be putting cameras in my home that everybody will have access to. Peace of mind for everybody sounds good to me! Also, I will be making a call to cps about the situation and see what they have to say. Thank you everybody for your kind words
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 16
    Fun_Effective6846 NTA I can't imagine what this child is going through being treated like she's completely non-verbal when that's not the case. In fact, I can't help but wonder if the way her mother seems to react may have a part to play in why she's not verbal around her mother... That being said, you did the right thing trying to bring this to the mother's attention in a polite and calm manner. Her reaction was unreasonably abrasive, as any parent of a non-verbal child would be over the moon t
    via u/Fun_Effective6846
  • 17
    I don't think recording the child's voice was in the wrong. You weren't posting it all over the internet, you weren't gong behind the mother's back and showing people the recording. And you only did it after she berated you for lying, which wasn't the case. You recorded the voice to specifically try to update the mother on her daughter's condition as having that updated knowledge is important. I would normally say it may have been a better option to ask permission to record the child's voice, bu
    via u/Fun_Effective6846
  • 18
    obviouslytraumatized OP Unfortunately I use the term “friend” loosely. I used to work at the daycare her daughter went to when she was a baby (I was the baby room lead teacher). I left the daycare about 2 years ago after dealing with other teachers trying to verbally/emotionally ab e the toddlers (I called the state on them and they told me to keep my mouth shut or I'll be fired) so I left. When she got wind that I had an in home daycare about 2 months ago she called and asked for a spot. Up unt
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 19
    Hour_Smile_9263 You should call the state again. In fact, if your state is anything like mine related to mandated reporting, I think you are required to do so in this instance. You have a child who is known to talk who is forced to be non-verbal by her mother or is so insecure with her own mother that she won't communicate her needs verbally. That's a BFD
    via u/Hour_Smile_9263
  • 20
    grandoldtimes Almost munchasen by proxy level of big deal
    via u/grandoldtimes
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    Fun_Effective6846 Oh yikes alarm bells are definitely going off that this child who is supposedly non-verbal is more comfortable speaking in a relatively random place to someone they don't know that well than at home to their own mom. You definitely did the right thing.
    via u/Fun_Effective6846
  • 22
    Science_Matters_100 It could be comfort level. It could also be enabling the child by meeting needs without the child needing to speak. I had a sibling that everyone was concerned about because she hardly spoke. Then suddenly at age 3 she launched into complete sentences. She held that perfectionism throughout her life. So there are several possibilities why a child may not use much speech at home.
    via u/Science_Matters_100
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    unluckysupernova I've also met parents who intentionally held back their kids to get attention, or to get monetary - support or to simply not have to be deal with a mobile baby so they hindered the kid from getting up and learning to walk. I hope this isn't that dire of a situation.
    via u/unluckysupernova
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    saucisse This made my "call CPS" Spidey senses tingle. What on earth is happening in that home that this child will not talk in front of her family?
    via u/saucisse
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    obviouslytraumatized OP I used to have Allie at the daycare I was previously working at when she was a baby. I ended up leaving because the other teachers were borderline ab ive emotionally/verbally to the toddlers in the room next to me. I called state on them multiple times but nothing was ever done. I left there two years ago. My friend said she continued at that daycare up until two months ago. She confided in me saying that Allie was abused at the daycare but didn't get into details. I
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 26
    told her why I left the daycare and that's when she asked for a spot at my in-home daycare and I obliged. Since then I have noticed that Allie get scared very easily (If she drops something she immediately get scared and says I sorry I sorry. But other than that I haven't seen really any other signs. But I'm also not a psychologist of any sort so I'm not exactly sure what to look for.
    via u/obviouslytraumatized
  • 27
    jesuswasnotazombie The fact that Allie gets so scared when she drops things and apologizes over and over is very upsetting. It's terrible thinking of what this poor child went through before OP. OP, thank you for providing good care to her and hopefully helping her feel safe.
    via u/jesuswasnotazombie

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