Couple removes friends from their wedding party after they refuse to spend $3500 on a trip: '[She] stated that I was a bad friend'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 28, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Everyone reserves the right not to go to your wedding. As much as you might want them there, they simply don't have to go. They can do the best they can to try to attend, if they're super close to the couple, but if something else comes up you cannot blame them. It might seem like the most important day of the year to you, but to other people it can be a big financial and time commitment. This is especially true when you're asking them to spend a lot of money on your big day (or the events leading up to it). 

One thing that's definitely not okay is to be vindictive about your wedding invitations. As a rule, if you invite someone, you don't really get to disinvite them. Unless something egregious has happened after you sent that invitation, you kind of have to stick by it. It's just the rules of common sense.

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  • 01

    AITA for not going to my best friends wedding?

    So I (25F) & my husband (27M) got married 5 years ago & have been trying to get pregnant for the last 3 years. That's around the time I met my best friend, Allie (27F). Her boyfriend (30M) & my husband were also best friends & we did everything together. Her boyfriend proposed
    via u/Effective_System5398

  • The couple in this story didn't quite internalize any of those rules, however, and had a lot to say about how some of their guests were acting. And when one of their couple friends suffered a tragic loss, they weren't able to be there for them in the correct way. Read on for the story and see what you think.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10499514880
    via 550Park Luxury Wedding Films

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
     

  • 03
    & she asked me to be a bridesmaid & the boyfriend asked my husband to be the best man. There was one day we were at a bar, talking about my fertility appointments that I had, she said "If you get pregnant, I want you to know you won't be in my wedding" laughing. This past
    via u/Effective_System5398
  • 04
    summer we went on a trip & we were doing everything they wanted to do so by about day 41 told my husband "I paid over $3000 for this cruise, so im not just going to sit at the same bar every night" which he agreed to. Everything was still fine. But I found out I was pregnant two
    via u/Effective_System5398
  • 05
    weeks later & I told her bc I was excited. Then three weeks later I miscarried & I called her sobbing & she started talking about her upcoming wedding & she asked if I had bought my bridesmaid dress yet. I was confused but told her yes. A couple months later, I'm still getting fertility treatments & I found out I was pregnant
    via u/Effective_System5398
  • 06
    again. My husband & I were super excited and wanted to share it with our best friends. Then at 16 weeks I miscarried. But when I called her this time, she brushed it off & told me to sell my baby stuff for a profit. Then a couple of days later I get a phone call asking if I know anything about the bridal shower (Side note: it was hard keeping
    via u/Effective_System5398
  • 07
    up with both group chats while I was working and going to school. I barely replied but knew what was happening). I told her that the only thing mentioned in the text was a theme &what to wear. She told me that both events had been planned by two bridesmaids in the group chat that she was not in &that I was still more than
    via u/Effective_System5398
  • 08
    welcome to come to the wedding but "with everything I was going through" she didn't think I should be a part of the wedding. Fast forward a couple weeks my husband receives a text that stated he no longer needs to be the best man &that they still wanted us to be there. I think this started when we both said we
    via u/Effective_System5398
  • 09
    wouldn't be able to attend the bachelor/bachelorette trips because I was pregnant & needed to save money & the trip was going to be $3500+. Then one day I got off of work &went to see my husband at an event when I was approached by a mutual friend, Sarah (30F) &she began to berate me for not going to the bridal shower &stated that
    via u/Effective_System5398
  • 10
    I was a bad friend & I should've sucked it up & gotten over myself to be there for her. I asked Sarah what she was talking about &was told that she was told at the party. I tried to defend myself &tell her my "side" Sarah told me there are no sides & that I should've put my feelings to the
    via u/Effective_System5398
  • 11
    side to be there for our “mutual friend". This put a bad taste in my mouth & I felt uncomfortable. In the end, we ended up not going to the wedding because 1. I didn't feel comfortable 2. We were both removed from the wedding parties
    via u/Effective_System5398
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    arono Olight
    via Amy Humphries

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

     

  • 13

    Commenters gave their opinions on whether or not they were in the right.

    jsrsquared . 13h ago NTA. Allie is not your friend, and it sounds like the others in the wedding party aren't either unless there is a huge other side of the story we're missing.
    via u/jsrsquared
  • 14
    This sounds like the kind of drama I had with my girlfriends when I was 19, your friends should be long past this kind of 'support the bride no matter what' cr p by now, particularly about something as significant and heart wrenching as multiple. miscarriages.
    via u/jsrsquared
  • 15
    Time to find better people. Don't waste any more of your emotional energy worrying about the feelings of people who don't care about yours.
    via u/jsrsquared
  • 16
    Organic-Meeting... • 13h ago This is so difficult to read. INFO: we're you ever invited to the baby shower? NTA for declining to pay $3500 each to go on bachelor/bachelorette trips. NTA for declining to go to the wedding.
    via u/Organic-Meeting734
  • 17
    Sounds like you are different people in different phases of life, these friends seem very self involved. Move on. I hope you find better friends.
    via u/Organic-Meeting734
  • 18
    dwalenaar 13h ago • NTA. You went through something heartbreaking, and instead of showing you real support, your friend brushed it off and made you feel like your pain didn't matter. Being quietly pushed out of the wedding party and talked about behind your back isn't just hurtful it's a betrayal of the friendship you thought you had. -
    via u/dwalenaar
  • 19
    You didn't skip the wedding out of spite; you did it to protect yourself when it was clear you weren't truly welcome. After everything you've been through, you deserve friends who stand with you, not ones who make you feel even more alone. You made the right call, even if it hurts.
    via u/dwalenaar
  • 20
    No-Swimming-3... · 13h ago Allie is not a friend, and at 30 she is acting like she's 12.
    via u/No-Swimming-3599
  • 21
    MNcrazygirl • 13h ago NTA. Why go to a wedding of two people who treated you and your husband that way. I would have made the same decision not to go
    via u/MNcrazygirl
  • 22
    unearthed_jade 13h ago NTA. If this is your definition of best friends, you've been depriving yourself of genuine supporting friendships. Please find better people more deserving of your time.
    via u/unearthed_jade
  • 23
    ghostf4cers • 13h ago all of these people seem like high schoolers who only care about appearances, f all of them. distance yourself from these people for your own sake. so sorry for your multiple losses, i hope you are able to have a child one day love
    via u/ghostf4cers
  • 24
    Electrical-Mango... . 13h ago NTA. If you and your husband are on the same page, that's all that matters. Friends starts falling off around this age sometimes from growing apart and sometimes because you learn they're ridiculous.
    via u/Electrical-Mango453
  • 25
    Sheera_Power • 11h ago They're not friends. Drop them.
    via u/Sheera_Power
  • 26
    HappySummerBr... . 11h ago It's okay to recognize that someone is only a good time friend. Stop expecting get to be a best friend because she isn't interested in you. Youre convenient company to help
    via u/HappySummerBreeze
  • 27
    her have a good time, and that's all you mean to her. So use her back when you want company, and don't expect real friendship. Nta
    via u/HappySummerBreeze

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