17-year-old abandoned at birth to grandparents now expected to be big brother to absent bio mom’s new baby, he refuses: “You are no mom and dad to me”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 4, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Hey there internet maniacs. It's 2025, and tradition in so many facets of social life is being dismantled all the time. What we once thought was gender, dating, or health is being flipped on its back. No one knows what's going on anymore, but the good news is that everything is seemingly okay. So now, if you're used to being the "odd ball out," then feel isolated no more. Now, being "odd" is sort of normal, or trendy at the very least. So if you're adopted and not in direct or constant contact with your biological parents, never fear. The world won't judge you in the same way they did in the 1960s. You can grow up granola, or just plain eccentric and things are simply different now. 

In the story below, at least the protagonist who was given up for adoption was legally adopted by his maternal grandparents. His bio mom has a sudden urge to bring him back into her life for the sake of her new children, but he refuses. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my biological parents to treat me like their new kids' uncle who they only see at family gatherings?

    Cheezburger Image 10500417536
    via cottonbro studio from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (17M) have been raised since birth by my maternal grandparents. Grandma and grandpa are mom and dad to me and that's what I call them. I'll call them that here. I'll call my bio mother Elsie and my bio father Johnny.
    via u/Jazzifinens

  • Even if it’s not as taboo, it’s still heartbreaking to feel like you don’t have your biological parents by your side. Even people with bad parents who are present might feel better about their situation than someone who grows up knowing that their parents immediately gave them up for adoption. 

  • 03
    Elsie and Johnny had me when they were 24 and 27. They told my mom and dad right before I was born that they weren't ready to be parents and Elsie asked if they'd raise me. My mom and dad agreed and they got custody of me after I was born and raised me
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 04
    as theirs with the understanding of who my bio parents were and why I was so much younger than my siblings (or aunts and uncles biologically). I didn't have a relationship with any paternal side. So it was just my maternal family in my life.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 05
    I didn't see my bio parents growing up. They called my mom and dad occasionally but the relationship they had was incredibly strained and the calls stopped after a bunch of years.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10500417792
    via shironosov from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    My mom found it difficult to come to terms with the lack of care Elsie and Johnny had for me. They never asked how I was doing and I know mom couldn't understand that. My dad's attitude was always
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 08
    more of a "it's their loss" and he told me repeatedly what a great kid I was and how I was the best son-grandson-son he could've ever had.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 09
    When I was 14 my bio parents got married and they invited everyone in the family, including me. My parents chose not to go because I didn't want to go. I think they only would've gone if I wanted to be there. But I feel nothing for Elsie or Johnny. In my eyes Elsie's the sister I never knew and that's fine by me.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 10
    Some of my siblings did go to the wedding and they told us Elsie was pregnant. That was actually the first time I ever saw my mom so angry. She was furious that they had invited me and would have sprung that on me at the wedding. Her momma bear came
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 11
    out that day. I didn't care but I told my parents I didn't want to get in the way of them knowing the newest grandchild if they wanted to try and work on the relationship with Elsie and Johnny.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 12
    My parents decided to open up a small amount of contact with Elsie and Johnny again but they shut that for a while because Elsie wanted mom to visit and stay with her for the birth and everything and she expected her to leave me behind for at least a month. They
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 13
    did start talking again after another year and Elsie was pregnant again and then she had another kid since. Apparently they wanted more but Elsie's age and her complicated pregnancies got in the way.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 14
    Elsie, Johnny and their kids are included a bit more in the wider family. I've seen them a coupe of times. But I don't hang out with them. The last time was a couple of weeks ago and they told me we needed to talk and figure out my relationship with their kids and what we should tell them. I rolled
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 15
    my eyes at the we part. Then I told them there was no we in that but they should treat me like their kids' uncle who they only see at family gatherings. They looked shocked by that and Johnny said they thought I'd want to be a brother. I told them I already am,
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 16
    the baby brother, but still the brother. I said I wasn't interested in them or their kids and that none of them are my actual family. They said my expectations are unrealistic and I'm the brother not the uncle. I said my parents are the people who raised me, Elsie is their daughter, making us siblings.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 17
    I said they were no mom or dad to me and should keep at that.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 18
    FAMILY
    via hidesy from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    They got really annoyed by my response and they said I was not only unrealistic but I should be a part of what their kids know. I ignored them so they started calling to yell at my parents and my parents went off on them.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 20
    They said they handle it how they did. Be honest but treat it exactly as I explained because that's the reality that they (Elsie and Johnny) established.
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 21
    It's caused way more of a reaction than I expected. AITA for it?
    via u/Jazzifinens
  • 22
    Contribution4afri... Oh no! Their babysitter doesn't want to work for free! NTA
    via u/Contribution4afriend
  • 23
    Cute-Profession99... • 18h ago NTA They're delusional
    via u/Cute-Profession99
  • 24
    IAmTAAlways 18h ago NTA, legally, you are Elsie's sibling and you are not her legal child. So yea, legally you are the uncle to their other bio kids. They were 24 and 27 when they had you?
    via u/IAmTAAlways
  • 25
    Not 14 & 17 years old? That's messed up. They weren't ready for a child in their mid 20s (!!!!), they don't get the pleasure of pretending they were parents when they were failures.
    via u/IAmTAAlways

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