Daughter swears not to take care of parents in their old age after they refuse to forgive her for leaving med school to follow her passion: 'I told them flat out that won't be happening'

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    AIO saying won't care my parents old age after they cut off choosing career they didn't approve ?

    Old couple hugging
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    Back in college, I left pre-med to pursue graphic design which is something I've been passionate about since I was a kid. The moment I made that decision, my parents were furious. They completely cut me off. No more financial support, no help with tuition, rent, nothing.
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    I had to work multiple jobs just to survive and took out a ton of loans to make it through school. That time was honestly the hardest part of my life. Tuition wasn't cheap, and there were days I didn't even know how I was gonna eat. But I pushed through.
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    Woman deciding on design materials
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    Fast forward six years I've built a solid career and now run my own online business. Im stable. I did it all on my own. Now suddenly, my parents have started making little comments about "when they get older" and how "family takes care of each other."
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    So I told them flat out that won't be happening. They chose to leave me on my own when I needed them most, and that choice goes both ways.
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    Daughter having tea with grandmother
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    North Pressure_4448 Your parents cut you off when you needed them most, just because you followed your passion. You worked hard, made it on your own, and now they want support when it's convenient for them. Family
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    loyalty goes both ways, and they broke that trust first. You're just setting a boundary, they made their choice. Now if they do apologize, it's up to ur discretion but remember that forgiveness takes time.
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    kindledip OP exactly this. they, and other family members, believe i'm being unfair. not sure how i'm always made out to be the bad person with them
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    Diligent Lab2717 Why do you talk to them at all? They cut you off. The money they saved on your college expenses by cutting you off should have been saved for their retirement.
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    kindledip OP i actually did make this point which they shut down straight away. i couldn't get a word in
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    bendallf Honesty, why are you still talking to them? You are not going to change them for the better so don't waste your time please.
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    Dazzling-Crab-824 You're not the a_h_le - you're the product of resilience forged under pressure they created. Your parents made a conscious decision to withdraw all support from you at your most vulnerable, simply because you chose to follow your passion and live
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    life on your own terms. That wasn't tough love — that was conditional acceptance. And what they taught you, perhaps without realizing it, is that their love and support came with strings attached. So you cut the strings, survived, and thrived. You didn't just build a career you built a life out of what they left behind. -
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    Now, years later, they want to talk about family values and caring for each other? That's not family - that's entitlement disguised as tradition. Caring for someone in old age is an act of deep trust and mutual love. It's not an automatic reward for giving birth. If they couldn't stand by you when it was hard, why should they expect you to stand by them now that it's convenient?
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    You're not refusing to help them out of spite - you're simply honoring the rules they created: you take care of yourself. And you've done it, beautifully.
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    Just because you've healed doesn't mean you owe them access to the peace they didn't help you build. You don't have to light yourself on fire to keep people warm you freeze. - especially the ones who watched
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    Setting that boundary doesn't make you cruel. It makes you aware. And self-preservation in the face of emotional abandonment is not selfish — it's necessary. -
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    Inspiring woman holding her arm
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    VAW123 I'm in awe of your resilience and bravery! You owe them NOTHING. You've set the boundary and protected yourself.
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    You should be prepared for them to have no plans or financial resources and turn to you in desperation. Look into resources in the state they live in for elder care and health care for elders as well as Medicare/ medicaid.
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    Send them and the family members who are guilting you the list of resources. A single email to everyone should be sufficient explaining that you will not be
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    providing any financial support for them now or in the future. They should prepare themselves to access these resources listed below if they need help and the other family members can help them with that.
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    BunnyAlice Rose Let me start by saying I've always been a mommy's girl and a daddy's girl. I would do anything for my parents and they supported me through everything. You aren't overreacting. They chose to cut you off because they refused to accept what you wanted to
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    do with your life. You suffered through everything to do what you wanted to do. They made their choice, and if they expect you to drop everything and take care of them after putting you through all of that
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    h I, I say don't do it. Family is there for you when you need them, Family loves you unconditionally. They stopped being family when they made it clear, by cutting you off, that they didn't approve of you wanting a career path that they didn't approve of.
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    Alternative-Ad-5306 I'm actually really impressed you had the guts/ bravery to speak such truth to them. Personally, I don't think you're overreacting...but who knows, you're still young, and maybe your parents will repent enough, evolve enough, and make their mistakes up to you before they get to the age where they need help.
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    I wouldn't feel bad about the way you currently feel or the statement you made to them, but maybe keep a tiny window open for them if they authentically evolve, become more unconditionally loving of you, and become worthy of your help.

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