Mom tells the father of her 10 and 13-year-old daughters that her 2nd husband is more of a man and a better father than he'll ever be: 'My daughters were there. I’m so tired of them hearing Trevor just belittle James.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 2, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Kids are smarter than we treat them. If there's a rancid vibe in the room during Christmas with your extended family, and you, as parents, don't acknowledge it, the kids will still pick up on it. They will wonder why they have such a terrible time at Grandma's house, thinking they're not doing a good job as a family member. Meanwhile, every single person in that room is having a bad time for reasons that are never spoken out loud. It's much better to be honest with them on the drive home, admit that nobody in the family gels, and that's just a fact of life. 

It's one thing to ignore weird vibes once or twice a year with extended family, but if the home is hostile at all times, that's something that needs to be acknowledged and addressed. Nobody wants to point out the elephant in the room, but when the elephant attacks, you can't keep ignoring it. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for defending my husband to my ex in front of our kids?

    I (33f) am married to my husband "James" (28m), we got married a year ago and I'm a couple months pregnant. I have two daughters 13f and 10f with my ex "Trevor" (33m). James is a teacher at our youngest daughters school and
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081

  • The mom in this story had to address her elephant of an ex-husband after he attacked her husband in front of the kids. Some might say she went too far and was too real, but I'm not sure I agree with that.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10500817152
    via AllGo - An App For Plus Size People

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Cheezburger Image 10500817920
    via IIONA VIRGIN

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    taught her his first year teaching three years ago, right when Trevor and I broke up (he cheated on me). I hired him to tutor my daughter that summer and he and I wound up dating and eventually marrying.
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081
  • 05
    He and Trevor are very different and do not get along, although James tries I can tell he doesn't like Trevor. Trevor is constantly making barbs at James for being "not a real man", which I hate but James let's roll off him. Trevor has our daughters every other weekend, although he could've
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081
  • 06
    had every other week if he'd wanted but he said he was too busy. James has really become much more of a fixture to them as a father figure and they absolutely love him, and he loves them.
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081
  • 07
    Sunday evening when Trevor and his current girlfriend were dropping them off Trevor told them he was sorry they had to go from a house with a "mom and dad" to "two moms" and I lost it with him. I told him he was projecting for not being able to take care of them, and that James
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081
  • 08
    proves every day he is more of a man and a better father than Trevor ever has been. My daughters were there which they probably shouldn't have been but I'm also so tired of them hearing Trevor just belittle James.
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081
  • 09
    Trevor just got really quiet and left, but since then he, his gf, and his mom have all been texting me calling me an ah le and terrible mother for talking to him like that in front of our kids. AITAH?
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081
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    via Jonas Leupe

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    Aloreiusdanen I mean, this falls into Talk Sh, Get Hit. You hit him where it counts, his ego. Good on you for sticking up for your husband. Should you have done it in front of your kids, probably not. But sometimes sh_happens. I think if anything it shows them how to stick up for your partner. NTA
    via u/Aloreiusdanen
  • 12
    notyoureffingproblem Trevor did it in front of the kids. He's an ahole
    via u/notyoureffingproblem
  • 13
    Hpobjoy I agree, Trevor thought it was okay to belittle James, so why not the same thing happening to him?
    via u/Hpobjoy
  • 14
    Butterfly_Chasers He probably thought it's different because he's "the real dad" so James is free game. But If OP did the same thing with the father's latest flavor, the father wouldn't have felt she was free game.as he felt about James. He's a hypocrite. He wants him and his current girlfriend to have the "titles and glory" and OP and James to have all the thankless work. Ooohhh welllls, Trevor's mouth really shouldn't write checks that his a_can't afford to cash.
    via u/Butterfly_Chasers
  • 15
    Im_My_Spirit_Animal I do think it's good that OP did this in front of the kids. Trevor was working on turning them against James. Now they a) heard why and how his statements are not true b) saw how to defend your loved ones against bu ies c) by mom defending James they also got a strong confirmation that their mom and house is a safe space if they'd ever need it.
    via u/Im_My_Spirit_Animal
  • 16
    nick4424 Ask him what makes a real man? Because 1 thing a real man does is make time for his kids. Sounds like he's really jealous of James though.
    via u/nick4424
  • 17
    Shadow4summer Yeah, he's too busy for more than every other weekend. That is not a father. As a father you make time for your kids. If not, the step will fill that position and that is completely on the ex.
    via u/Shadow4summer
  • 18
    potenttechnicality Trevor talked shin front of the kids first. I'd tell both his gf and his mom that unless he's willing to apologize-in front of the kids—for his own behavior, then what you've said is simply the truth and you'll repeat it should Trevor continue to be a b
    via u/potenttechnicality
  • 19
    Jacked-up-Logger NTA- Trevor sounds like hes ks and your kids are old enough to understand
    via u/Jacked-up-Logger
  • 20
    Specialist-Talk3081 OP My eldest I think does understand at this point. She's started to distance herself from her dad, doesn't idolize him, asks James for thing she'd ask Trevor for.
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081
  • 21
    It's hardest on my youngest who is both closer with James than my eldest and I think looks up to him more but also is really trying hard with her dad. I can tell it's so confused for her and I feel so bad and don't really know what to do, she was so upset the other night but only wanted to talk to James and he said she didn't even really talk she just was sad and sat with him
    via u/Specialist-Talk3081
  • 22
    Ok_Young 1709 Tell him, gf, and his mummy, and point out that maybe if he was a real dad instead of a weekend dad, they'd like him more. But all he's doing is pushing them away. It's his own fault. Then get a child parenting app, tell him to join you on it, and block all their numbers. Communication is between you and him, not his comfort blankets.
    via u/Ok_Young1709
  • 23
    Reasonable-Truck-874 If he was bold enough to say something so stupid in full view of everyone, there's no guessing how they talk about you when they think no one's listening. Might be time to have a delicate conversation with the kids about what goes on over there. If you've been letting the bs slide until now, he's likely been getting emboldened by meeting no resistance to other similar comments, both
    via u/Reasonable-Truck-874
  • 24
    with you and at their home. Especially now that you have "fought a battle" for your husband (you were 100% in the right as the bio parent to step in), there will likely be more sh talking. Might be pointless, but a talk about how to maintain civility for the kids, and how avoiding saying overtly negative things about the other household in front of the kids should be the norm.
    via u/Reasonable-Truck-874
  • 25
    trailgumby Trevor started in front of the kids, you ended it. NTA.
    via u/trailgumby

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family drama family stories mother wife bad parenting daughters husband dad family daughter ex husband mom parents Father custody family story
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