18-year-old, oldest of 3 siblings, calls out her mom and 16-year-old brother for "parentifying" her and forcing her to be a de facto parent to him and their 12-year-old sister: 'My mom laughed'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
May 2, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Sure, it's important for every member of the household to help out in their own way that suits their age, and it's important for teens to learn about taking on more responsibility so that when they finally leave the house, they have some idea how to take care of themselves and don't end up like that roommate we've all had at some point in our lives who is practically infantile in their ability to take care of themselves and their living space. But there are limits and boundaries to this. It's equally important for a teen to have the chance to work on their own growth and development and spend time on things that will lead them to their own future. 

Often, the oldest siblings, particularly when there's an age gap, will end up being de facto parents and will be pushed into parenting duties when they and their siblings' parents are busy or tired from work. This comes in varying degrees of having responsibility forced onto them and at its most severe and worrying keeps the teen from being able to spend time on the other things they need to be worrying about, like development, getting a part-time job, and education. 

This teen called her mother out for "parentifying" or "momifing" her and getting her to take on a parenting role with her younger siblings, something that her mother and brother didn't like despite being the ones to give her the nickname of "mini mom."

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  • 01

    "AITAH for snapping at my family for “momifying” me?"

    I, 17F, am the oldest of 3. I have been nicknamed "mini mom" for ages. It has always bugged me. I don't think it's funny or fair to me as I have had to act as a mom for my siblings growing up. My brother, just turned 16, recently made a remark about me being his mom again in a store the other day, after I scolded him for acting immature and disruptive.
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  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10500970752
    via Kristijan Arsov

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    My mom laughed, and said something like "I know, relax mini-mom." I snapped and said "Isn't that so embarrassing for you both? You (to my brother) are only a year younger than me, acting like you're 10, and you (to my mom) are his actual mother, allowing it." This hurt my mom's feelings obviously and she got all irritated for the rest of the trip,
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  • 04
    later telling my dad about how mean I am after arriving home. I feel like this is an absolutely valid reason to be upset and I don't feel bad about saying the things I did to either of them. Am I the ah le here?
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  • 05
    Edit: By "disruptive" and "immature" I mean he had been making fun of my little sister (12) and the shirt she wanted to buy. I stepped in because I felt I needed to and nobody else would. If you think I should just "leave it alone" you obviously haven't ever had to handle nonexistent (figuratively) parents.
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  • 06
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I said something insulting to my mother and brother and it obviously touched a nerve, for my mom especially.
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  • 07
    feminist1946 NTA. Stop momming. Now. Get a job. Go to the library. Start babysitting for neighbors. Disappear when your mini mom is expected. Ignore your siblings behavior. Don't comment or take action. It's over. Your mother just assumes you will do it.
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  • 08
    I was also trapped. I wish I knew I could stop. But I just did it because it was expected. I give you permission to be a person who is not a mommy.
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  • 09
    eowynsheiress NTA. They have parentified you to the point of you successfully calling it out! Way to go you! It's hard to be the actual mature one, instead of the actual parent. But many, many parents are not mature. Hang in there. You get to start your own life soon! Just be you and it will all work out!
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  • 10
    Professional-Ad47... Kids being parentified s ks but the example you shared doesn't indicate that. You scolded your brother while your mom was there. If he's doing stuff that embarrasses you or seems inappropriate maybe just walk away.
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  • 11
    Gyros4Gyrus NTA. People who shunt this responsibility onto their kids need to accept this kind of stuff. Maybe what you said was harsh, we don't have the full story. But basically your mum treated you like a mum, and in roll, an equal. You talked to her as an equal. Simple as that.
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  • 12
    Poinsettia917 NTA Your mom is using you to be the bad guy. Next time, let your brother act up until he embarrasses your mom. She needs to step up and do her job. She sounds a little lazy.
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  • 13
    Victor-Grimm • 2h ago NTA-Wait until you decide to not have kids and your mom is like "where are my grandkids"? Then you say "sorry but I got fed up being a mom growing up that I don't want to do it again". That will shut her up.
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  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10500970496
    via Lesli Whitecotton

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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childcare family dynamics teens family drama aita AITAH kids brother teenagers siblings moms family feud parenting dad family cute kids sister reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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