18-year-old daughter refuses to be adopted by dad's wife, even after her younger siblings agree to it, dad resents her for it, forcing her to move out: 'Quit the childish nonsense'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 7, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Since we all have gained some experience in being human beings, we all have at least a basic understanding of psychology. We understand that our brain leads us to make decisions, conscious and unconscious, based on our thoughts, feelings, and mental processes. We also understand that we are easily affected by our surroundings and by other people, and if you are smart enough, you can use that to your benefit.

Here is a basic law of psychology that might help you understand yourself and others better:

One is much more likely to agree to something if they do not feel like they are being pressured to make that decision. When one is given the proper space and freedom, they will feel much more at ease than if they are being forced into it. Forcing someone to choose something without actually giving them the benefit of choosing will probably result in them backing out altogether. Even if you think you know what is best for someone, refusing to give them the choice will seldom end well.

That is exactly what happened in the story below.

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  • The father in the story below thought he knew what was best for his family. He got remarried after losing his wife, and was set on making the new family work. His eldest daughter, however, was not eager to replace her late mother, and refused to go along with her dad's plans. Instead of respecting her, Dad tried to force his daughter to go along with his plans, which only backfired once she turned 18.

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    Cheezburger Image 10501880832
    via Mixmike

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "AITA for planning to stay with friends this summer instead of going home because I'm blamed for my blended family not being perfect?"

    I'm (18F) in college and I made plans to find a place with my friends this summer instead of going home. We're hoping to all live together anyway so it made sense for us to start now and stay close and work. For me
    via MinuteSwell900
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    the decision was easy because going home would make for a toxic summer. My dad disagrees and he's annoyed I won't come home. The problem is we have a blended family and I'm not on the same page as everyone else. Dad has me, my sister (13)
    via MinuteSwell900
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    and my brother (12). My dad's wife has my stepbrother (12) and stepsister (10). Everyone. lost a parent. Me and my siblings lost our mom and my stepsiblings lost their dad. My siblings and stepsiblings consider dad and his wife their
    via MinuteSwell900
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    mom and dad and all of us siblings with no step in the title. They don't even really see our individual de d parents as parents anymore. But I never saw it the same. My dad's wife is not my mom. I did not agree to it and when my dad and his wife adopted each other's kids,
    via MinuteSwell900
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    I was the exception to it. And even though I don't hate my stepsiblings to me they are stepsiblings and they are not the same as my actual siblings. I don't love them particularly and while I like them it's not on the same level.
    via MinuteSwell900
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    It meant feelings were hurt over the years since they married when I was 12. My dad's wife hated that I didn't see her as any kind of mom to me. She said even if I called her something like ma or mama it would mean a lot even if it
    via MinuteSwell900
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    wasn't mom. She also said I could figure something else to call her if I was adopted and me refusing 25 times to be adopted upset her a lot. My dad got mad at me for hurting his wife's feelings.
    via MinuteSwell900
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    My siblings didn't like me being outside of the family unit and they gave me sh for hurting dad's wife. Our relationship got so bad before I left because they said if everyone else saw us as just a family and not a
    via MinuteSwell900
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    blended family, why should I be different. They told me I was being selfish and ruining everything for them. My stepsiblings knew on some level my relationship with them was different than the one with
    via MinuteSwell900
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    my siblings and it hurt their feelings because they saw me as a sister like they saw my siblings as their brother and sister. I was nice to them but not physically affectionate. It felt wrong. I didn't have that bond with them.
    via MinuteSwell900
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    Cheezburger Image 10501899264
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    My dad and I fought a lot my final year at home. He told me I was preventing us from being a perfect family. He said I was bringing the household down by insisting on being different. He told me I had no good reason to reject being adopted
    via MinuteSwell900
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    "almost 50 times" which it wasn't that many and yeah I counted. He said I should be grateful and should love his wife just for being so willing to adopt me. Then he'd call me a brat constantly. A few times he
    via MinuteSwell900
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    even told me he wished he could've forced the adoption against my wishes and made me Jlive with it". A few days before I moved out we had our worst fight and he told me he would never forgive me
    via MinuteSwell900
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    for making it harder for him to move on. He said my desperation to cling to mom, my refusal to fully embrace the new family, and my unwillingness to move forward like he wanted was unforgivable
    via MinuteSwell900
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    in his eyes. He told me he felt like everyone would have been better off if I wasn't there. I actually agree that they are. I I visited for Christmas and it was clear there was a lot of sadness and tension. I didn't even stay
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    with them. I stayed with my grandma for the two weeks I was home. But my presence was enough to bring out the unhappy in them. I know it was in part because being away didn't change my feelings and I
    via MinuteSwell900
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    wasn't calling dad's wife my mom or anything when I came back. And while I missed my siblings they were the only people I actually missed and I suspect that was felt on some level. It made me realize I couldn't do that more.
    via MinuteSwell900
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    Dad told me I should be staying for the summer and we should be focusing on our family bonds. That I will break my stepsiblings hearts and make them blame themselves and my siblings will feel like I stopped
    via MinuteSwell900
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    caring about them. That they still don't forgive me but they miss me anyway. He told me I need to try and become a full part of the family and quit with the childish nonsense. I don't think it's childish but I know my dad and probably his wife disagree. AITA?
    via MinuteSwell900
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    That-Guidance-8139 NTA! It's actually a smart idea to stay with friends!
    via That-Guidance-8139
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    Babycatcher2023 I don't understand how ppl miss the fact that OP (and kids like her) are significantly more likely to "join the family" when it's an actual option and not a prison.
    via Babycatcher2023
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    tigerz0973 ΝΤΑ Your father is so wrong in trying to erase your mother as a parent because she d d and he's moved on! Your mom will always be your mom!
    via tigerz0973
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    In an ideal world you would have embraced the new family dynamic but it's not an ideal world and you are 100% right to express your thoughts and feelings. Just because everyone
    via tigerz0973
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    else is embracing the new dynamic doesn't mean you have to! Do you have people who you can trust and confide in?
    via tigerz0973
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    MinuteSwell900 OP I have people I've confided in a lot. I trust them all implicitly. They're more supportive than my dad has been in a long time, if ever.
    via MinuteSwell900

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family drama aita adoption kids mother teenagers siblings stepchild stepmom reddit story parenting family sister Reddit women parents children Father
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