Single mom demands 18-year-old college dropout son take up cooking responsibilities for the family after he quits his job, son refuses: ‘Mom, you're being unreasonable’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 10, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Despite how some might think, it is not unreasonable for parents to expect their kids to help out around the house if they decide to keep living there after high school. They might not like it, especially since they still are technically teenagers, and therefore still behave like teenagers, but if they want to keep living in their childhood bedroom rent-free, they must work for it.

Some kids actually go to work for it; they get a job and begin financially contributing as a form of rent. Others have to resort to other contributions, especially if they are in college and don't have time to get a job. Luckily, any household is filled with opportunities for kids to help out and earn their place in the family; all they really have to do is turn and ask mom.

Some children finish high school and end up taking time off from everything – no college, no job, just pure freedom. When that happens, it is especially not unreasonable for parents to expect them to step up, which is exactly what happened in the story below.

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  • The single mom in this story is very respectful of her 18-year-old son's wish not to go to school and not work. What she asks of him instead is that he cook for the family every night as a way to carry his weight in the house. The son, however, feels like this is an unreasonable request, which led to a family dispute.

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    Cheezburger Image 10503091968
    via kate_sept2004

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for requiring my son to cook as part of carrying his weight in the house?

    I am a single mom of two teens. My son, Jake (fake name), graduated from high school last year. This post is about a running issue that we're having. He approved this post.
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    My background: I'm in a professional career in which I average around 50 hrs/wk. In my area, my salary makes us middle class. His background. Jake is a great son and brother, and I honestly
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    couldn't ask for better even - with the ongoing issue we've been having. He's trustworthy, very respectful, and a good communicator, and he always steps up when asked. All in all, I say (and he agrees), that we have a great relationship and
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    our family functions well as a unit. Jake's father is unable to provide guidance on life issues. Since he graduated, Jake has had some trouble finding his way. He enrolled at the local
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    college, but he was uninterested in the courses and overwhelmed at the sudden responsibility of dictating his own life path. We agreed that he could drop his course load
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    with the understanding that he could always restart at a later date. Jake had a PT job that he quit around the same time. I understood the reasons behind it and had no issue with this decision either.
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    Because Jake is not in school or working, he has a lot of free time. My view: While I have been strongly encouraging Jake to get a job or figure out a trade to get into, I have not yet made
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    this a requirement of living at home. Although he's an adult, he's a young one, and I've been giving him time to sort things out. It's only been a few months of him being in this position. However, I feel that a person
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    who is not working or in school bears extra responsibility at home as they are the ones who have the most time. I have required that along with keeping up with his own chores (laundry, bedroom, trash, etc),
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    Jake should perform additional duties on a daily basis to keep the house running smoothly (cleaning floors more regularly, dusting, etc). Recently, I upped this requirement to include cooking dinner every night. The
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    meals are not required to be fancy. These can be quick meals (think burgers and fries, spaghetti, chicken and rice, etc), can be cooked earlier in the day so that it frees his evenings, and can also be made in bulk for leftovers.
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    Cheezburger Image 10503107840
    via SimplyCreativePhotography

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    His view: The cleaning is fine but having to cook feels like a punishment because he HATES cooking. While he's not working or in school, he does have multiple issues that he's juggling and is under a lot of
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    stress in his life for varying reasons. He's not just lying around the house all day. He devotes a lot of time to his hobbies (with my support) which benefit his physical and mental well-being. Also,
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    anything extra I ask of him, he does without complaint. He feels that I'm being unreasonable in my request, my views are outdated (because I was born before 2000 dropshead), I never
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    compromise, and I can only have things my way. AITA for requiring Jake to cook as part of carrying his weight in the household?
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    3xlduck INFO: Who is cooking now? How about just start with 1-2 days a week of cooking. So much recipes online and on youtube. MAybe going 7 days expectation is too much all of a sudden. Can you cook together?
    via 3xlduck
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    TBH: cooking is a most useful life skill. how is he gonna eat when he moves out on his own eventually? also, girls find it hot if their guy can cook, is that motivation?
    via 3xlduck
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    Impossible_Deal_829 OP I cook the most, but it's pretty much eat as you will nowadays. I used to cook every day until a couple of years ago when I went through a period of transition with a new job in a new city and the children began complaining about it. We moved to eating out more and I began buying more quick and ready food (corn dogs,
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    pizza, etc). I still cook sporadically but it's no where near what I was doing before. However, there's always food that can be cooked available and always a multitude of fresh fruits and veggies to choose from to snack on in addition to other food.
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    I'm actually only requiring Monday through Friday which is when I work. He doesn't actually have to cook everyday. He needs to have an idea for a meal without me having to be the one to think about it. None of us mind leftovers. He could make a batch meal for us to eat for a couple of the days. He doesn't want to make ANY, lol. I, too, love a man that can cook :-)
    via Impossible_Deal_829
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    emziay Asking him to do more isn't unreasonable but one of the worst parts of being an adult is having to think of what to cook for dinner every night. I think going straight to five days a week where he has to plan and cook is a lot. If you really want him to cook that much, and he hates it, I think you should help him come up with the meal plan.
    via emziay
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    MaterialMonitor6423 NTA. He hates cooking? Does he enjoy eating? He's an adult who isn't interested in college, isn't working, and appears to be very comfortable living off you forever. If he doesn't carry his weight, he needs to move out.
    via MaterialMonitor6423
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    throwaway456999678 NTA. He has to look at it this way: he's not a kid anymore, and has to contribute as an adult. Part of being an adult is doing things you dislike. Do you think the majority of people like their jobs? No. This is life, and he has to realize that life doesn't always equal the stuff you enjoy.
    via throwaway456999678
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    CSurvivor9 NTA. If Jake lived on his own, he would need to cook for himself. So his excuse of it being a punishment isn't valid. It's a necessity of life. Maybe take a cooking class.
    via CSurvivor9
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    cinderparty NTA Maybe have him cook just a few days a week though, instead of having him go from cooking 0 nights per week to cooking every night all at once? Might go over better. I'd do more about making him get a job or at least take a few classes.
    via cinderparty

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