40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (May 10, 2025)

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  • 01
    \/+\/ @weirdal_andalus I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11:13 am. So, don't give up bucko . 10:34 PM 5/4/25 173K Views 7 794 15K 203 企
  • 02
    alfie @alfienxo "You're AlwAYS tHe First To LeEve work" god forbid i act my wage 1:36 PM 4/29/25 3.1M Views . 72 17 23K 199K 3.2K
  • 03
    Ed Hansberry - MVP @ehansalytics Name a bigger lie. I'll wait. Microsoft Neither of these things do Stay signed in? what they say they do Do this to reduce the number of times you are asked to sign in. Don't show this again No Yes 1:03 PM 4/29/25 1.9M Views 460 1 4.5K 67K 1.5K ↑
  • 04
    Moosha @Moosh My nonverbal toddler just said his first words in like 2 years his dad told him he have to wait for his phone and my toddler responded "I bite" and proceeded to bite his a weak right now 8:04 PM 4/30/25 1.8M Views • 66 I am so 335 1 7.4K 133K 3.3K 企
  • 05
    thanks lou @pubcalled heaven You deserve it. Take up to $0 off your next order [Inbox Shop 8:30 PM to me ▾ 3:45 PM 4/29/25 800K Views 38 1 4.6K Unsubscribe 86K ☐ 1K ↑
  • 06
    Josh Trebach, MD @jtrebach it's an unwritten rule that you have to physically go to your airport gate BEFORE getting food or else the gate will cease to exist when it's time to board and then the flight attendants will break your knees and laugh at you 11:53 AM 5/2/25 84K Views 33 17324 7.1K 120 企
  • 07
    núll @nullpointered They don't want you to know this but you don't need a pan 12:24 PM 5/3/25 325K Views 167 1290 8.5K ☐ 285
  • 08
    Bird Eckler @Birdeckler Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn't bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her. • 8:13 PM 5/1/25 59K Views • 29 17 325 5K ☐ 65
  • 09
    Fried Chicken and Moët @DereckHarmon Well well well... look who finally wants to play ball. Barred in DC @Barredin DC. 12h Five Guys offering their first ever combo meal. THE CLASSIC COMBO LITTLE BURGER, LITTLE FRY & DRINK $13.99 FIVE GUYS FRES FIVE GUYS PARTICIPATING LOCATIONS ONLY
  • 10
    C @CTaughtU Girl he's gonna get to you there's a queue COM Complex @Complex. 2d Alyssa Scott Says Nick Cannon Hasn't Seen Their Child in 'Over a Month' Full details here: complex.com/pop-culture/a/... 10:10 AM 5/2/25 6.6M Views 440 14K 253K 2.9K 企
  • 11
    WHEN'S HAPPY HOUR? When's Happy Hour? @whenshappyhour1 "you did it queen” i whisper as I move everything from Friday's to do-list to Monday's to-do list 6:55 AM 5/2/25.274K Views • 7 1.9K 19K ☐ 404 ↑
  • 12
    madison (top 0.1% on sudoku) @madsmotionless a big natural heat wave ww Mike's Weather Page @tropicalupdate 23h Saw this weather image just now. But didn't think weather for some reason. Probably need to go to bed. 12:51 PM 5/2/25 766K Views 35 1 1.4K 29K 539 企
  • 13
    CROW @crowbrss obtuse rubber goose green moose guava juice giant snake birthday cake large fries chocolate shake @oocculture. 1d papaya peach pineapple banana spring water maca powder and raw honey post workout smoothie 4:50 PM 5/1/25 5.6M Views 318 13K 166K 4.7K ↑
  • 14
    LowRes Wünderbred @LowresWB This is what hanging with the boys felt like in 2004 TER
  • 15
    proton @Proton Inspector Getting called into HR for repeatedly sending this to my French colleagues JR @ResilienceX3.1d Am I the only one who peels the croissant before eating it?
  • 16
    Air Katakana @airkatakana nowadays in tokyo you often see random english warnings, like "WE DO NOT SERVE FRENCH FRIES" on the door of a sushi place or something like that, and i just have to imagine the trauma that some clueless white dude put them through 7:02 AM 5/1/25 226K Views 60 17877 16K 518 ↑
  • 17
    ? Brendan Cobbina @iamcobbina 598 +1 (802) 430-6845 > Text Message • SMS Today 4:08 PM Congratulations, the United States has drafted you to be #4 of 100 to fight the gorilla. Please respond at your earliest convenience to receive more detail. The sender is not in your contact list. Report Junk 3:00 PM 5/1/25 3.7M Views 256 15.4K 113K ☐ 3.3K ↑
  • 18
    Adam Johnson @adamjohnsonCHI I once had a football coach in middle school tell me he "wanted me on that ball like it was the last chopper out of Saigon" and at the time I had no idea what it meant but in retrospect I think it may be the funniest thing anyone ever said to me 9:33 AM 4/30/25 1.5M Views 51 12.8K 72K 3.7K ↑
  • 19
    jackson @cheaperby12film this is just how people talk now Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil! From my point of view, the Jedi are evil. 7:48 PM 4/30/25 3.7M Views 150 17 3.2K 48K 2.2K ↑
  • 20
    0:57 georgel @cpfc_geezy it's not set in the 14th century birmingham just looks like that IGN @IGN. 1d God Save Birmingham is an upcoming survival game set in 14th century Birmingham: ༩
  • 21
    eatnik @eatnik I'd forgotten how blunt Europeans are in meetings. French attendee: "Hello, you have given an explanation but it is very bad so I have many questions." 10:34 AM 4/30/25 2.1M Views 650 17 3K 79K ☐ 4.8K
  • 22
    Mo Mohler @MoMohler They need to quit remaking good movies and start remaking bad movies. I wanna see Air Bud with a $900 million dollar budget, where he's coached by Daniel Day Lewis. 6:30 PM 4/29/25.885K Views 238 11.8K 26K 408 企
  • 23
    Jay Kuo ❤ @nycjayjay Overheard: "William Henry Harrison had a better first 100 days, and he spent 70 of them de d." 2:20 PM 4/29/25 884K Views 66 27 4K 37K ☐ 1K ↑
  • 24
    JP @EVillageVillain If me and 99 of my boys took down a gorilla we wouldn't tell people but there would be signs 10:52 PM 4/28/25 4.8M Views 278 13K 154K ☐ 4.1K ↑
  • 25
    prof. swaledale sheep ❤ @cappropaganda I've noticed that in every relationship, unless they're the same height, one of them is taller than the other 8:27 PM 4/26/25 1M Views 253 14.6K 66K 1.5K ↑
  • 26
    P Wylfċen❤ @wylfcen DON'T say "restaurant," which is from French. The native English word is SNEEDINGHOUSE. ^ Old English Etymology snæding ("meal") + hūs ("house") Noun snædinghūs n 1. restaurant, a place where cooked food is sold Last edited 3:13 AM 5/5/25 .479K Views ◇ 191 17 1K 11K 1.2K ↑
  • 27
    Vusi.Mz @YouDunnoVusi Soft launching coughs in the office so they don't get surprised when you go on sick leave the next day>>>>>>> 1:44 PM 4/27/25 3.7M Views ○ 292 14K 166K 4.1K 企
  • 28
    Ollie @ollieonhere Arrive at hotel in Paris. Say in the best accent | can muster "salut, j'ai une réservation" immediately get the response "what's your last name". Heartbreaking start to the holiday 9:32 AM 5/3/25 73K Views • 33 27 68 2.6K ☐ 84 ↑
  • 29
    kira ❤❤ @kirawontmiss i haven't seen any squirrels this year and all of the sudden Arby's selling steak nuggets?? tash @kweentash_.1d Yall Arby's selling steak nuggets now 5:14 PM 5/3/25 2.4M Views 187 1899 Arby's INTRODUCING STEAK NUGGETS 24K 1.6K 企
  • 30
    lesbian vega @girlfrxtting "you should get your tires rotated" they already rotate when i drive the car A 10:29 AM 5/4/25 484K Views • Hole 19 17 3.2K 36K ☐ 935 企
  • 31
    dyl @speckvoices girl it's Brazil. a bowl of hair could do this arianators wildin @arianatorswildt. 1d name an artist that could do this 5:54 PM 5/4/25 11M Views
  • 32
    mindy @mindyisser really hot priest at my friends' baby's baptism. why would a hot guy become a priest 6:49 PM 5/4/25.5.8M Views 596 15.6K 161K 5.1K ↑
  • 33
    @RealBigBaby Was in Starbucks and saw these girls getting these clear drinks so I asked, "what are those clear drinks?" and they said "water" 12:14 PM 5/4/25.906K Views 32 17 1K 43K 668
  • 34
    Sanjana @herecomsthesan "comparison is the thief of joy" well not if you're better than everyone else 2:33 AM 5/2/25 606K Views • 67 13.4K 29K ☐ 1.1K ↑
  • 35
    ALI @_alinoman Not a SINGLE cookie in this house smh Emi @wydemiii. 4d Can't stand when healthy me does groceries 12:24 PM • 5/2/25 · 3.7M Views 107 14K 106K ☐ 1.6K
  • 36
    mr. binch @discocowboyhat happy short king week (5/5-5/9) to those who celebrate!!! 6:04 PM 5/5/25 850K Views • 111 13.7K 29K ☐ 1K
  • 37
    charlie @chunkbardey whenever ppl are like "we're looking for people <30 for a new project" it's like hmm. so the alligator is eating the bigger number which is 30. so that must mean they're looking for ppl who are younger than 30 in this case 4:35 PM 5/4/25 1.7M Views . 118 17 3.5K 80K ☐ 2.4K ↑
  • 38
    Timothy @deliclit I feel like she's a few months away from turning into the green M&M rave @metgalacrave. 1d Sabrina Carpenter attends the 2025 Met Gala.
  • 39
    Dan Brooks @DangerBrooks My wife's coworker used a phrase no one understood and then insisted it was a common expression. The expression was "it's all spaghetti for the spaghetti machine." 1:04 PM 5/6/25 324K Views 97 17635 15K 779 ↑
  • 40
    ken @kungfukennylol I also didn't attend for the same reason Pop Base @PopBase - 18h Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce skipped the #MetGala due to busy schedules, TMZ reports. 2:13 AM 5/6/25. 479K Views 1 1 1K 28K ☐ 126 企
  • 41
    |- @imaginerychaos Got my cat shaved due to this heat wave and now his stray gf is not recognizing him, looks do matter guys . 10:02 AM 4/30/25 109K Views 50 27469 8.7K ☐ 210 企
  • 42
    gats ✪ @0xgats Son, your mother and I are unfollowing each other • 10:48 AM 5/1/25 · 486K Views 47 12.7K 26K 699

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