7 Things to Buy Instead of a $10,000 Gold Apple Watch

  • 1

    Captain Kangaroo's Conductor Hat

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    Don't check your watch to see if the train's on time, buy the hat of someone who probably never drove one!
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  • 2

    350 Hawaiian Shirts!

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    Why buy ONE dumb ol' watch when you can get 350 dumb ol' shirts? Do the math!
  • 3

    Diamond-Studded, Dragon-Tiger, Boot-Cut, Distressed Jeans

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    Even gold Apple Watch buyers have to put their hideous pants on one leg at a time.
  • 4

    Agent Smith's Sunglasses from The Matrix

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    If only there was a way to make Siri respond to "Mr. Anderson"...
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  • 5

    A Stegosaurus Beanie Baby

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    I knew dinosaurs were rare, but this guy (creatively named "Steg") must be the last of his kind.
  • 6

    Serenity Pod Bed

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    I think they made a typo. It should probably read "Claustrophobic Pod Nightmare."
  • 7

    203 Simpsons Tattoos

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    All the REAL fans are getting them.
    What's that?
    You only have 197?
    You must not like The Simpsons very much.
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