17-year-old tells her 9-year-old foster sister that she ruined Mother's Day: 'She completely ruined Mother’s Day for us by clinging to my mom'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
May 14, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Blended families and the complex interpersonal relationships they create are difficult enough to navigate as it is, but we usually think of blended families as being formed through marriages where each or one of the parties involved already has their own children from a previous relationship, or has otherwise taken on to help care for a child from within the family.

Fostering, on the other hand, is introducing a probably unknown child into the mix of the family. You're doing the right thing, ethically, for certain, but you also need to consider your circumstances and the impact on your own children and the existing family dynamic. It's not something to idealize or gloss over either… Inviting an unknown child into your home, especially without understanding their past and the effects it's having on them, can light a powder keg on the relationships in the home.

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  • 01

    "AITA for telling my foster sister she ruined Mother’s Day"

    I'm (17f) the youngest of 6 kids. I'm the only one still at home full time and my parents decided the house felt too empty so they started fostering Lola (9) a few months ago. Lola's cute but she's kinda a pain in the a
    via ruined-mothersday

  • In this instance, this 17-year-old is clearly struggling with the new dynamic that has been thrust upon her. While at 17 years old, she should be learning to control her emotions, it's understandable that she is finding it hard to share with her mother on Mother's Day, particularly when the younger girl is demanding most of her mother's attention on the day. Ultimately, I think, this falls to the parents to make sure they're managing the situation carefully and thoughtfully, and, well, there probably should have been some deeper conversations had sooner.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10505570816
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    We have a big sectional recliner. Lola refuses to sit on the couch with us so she has her own chair that is off limits to everyone else. If I want to go out to eat it has to be with my dad or when my oldest sister (29) is available to babysit because restaurants are too much for Lola. If we get takeout she stays in her room and won't come out to eat until the rest of us are done. The only way she'll eat with
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 04
    us is if my mom cooks so we have to do that almost every night. She hides food in her room, which attracts bugs but she has a huge fear of bugs so they've switched her room twice and have it deep cleaned every week to stop it from getting infested with bugs. She's also extremely attached to my mom and my oldest sister so if they're around everything revolves around her.
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 05
    On Sunday we had a big Mother's Day party with our entire family. All of my siblings, most of my aunts uncles and cousins, and my grandparents came over. Everyone was in the backyard but Lola was overwhelmed so she made my mom stay in her room with her. My oldest sister tried to step in but that ended with both of them having to stay with her.
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 06
    After everyone left I found my mom and Lola in the kitchen making Lola's mac and cheese and dino nuggets and I told Lola that she completely ruined Mother's Day for us by clinging to my mom. She started crying and went to her room. She hasn't left her room since I said that and apparently my mom's having a hard time getting her to eat so now my parents are ped with me. I don't think I did anything wrong because I just told her the truth but I wanted to see if I was the a for saying that.
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 07
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ah le: I might be the a hle because Lola hasn't left her room since Sunday and apparently my moms having a hard time getting her to eat after I told her she ruined Mother's Day
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10505571072
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+
  • 09
    27ARCardin Sounds to me like some therapy is in order for all of you. Especially your foster sister and how your mom and sister are handling her. It seems like they don't really know how to deal with this situation properly. I'm going to give you a little bit of grace because I understand where you are coming from even if the situation isn't as black and white as you might think it is. Also your parents shouldn't be fostering just because the house is too empty lately. I'm going to say NAH.
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 10
    wicked-writer •3h ago Why did your mother have a huge party when her foster child can barely tolerate the residents in the household being in the home with her? OP, I don't care if you are or aren't an AH. What I care about is that your mother is incapable of taking care of this particular foster child. She is enabling this behavior as it's feeding her need (not to have an empty nest and have someone entirely dependent on her/need her above all others/run to her for shelter) and that is toxic af
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 11
    Mom's job is not only to NOT enable these behaviors, but to help this child, but instead she purposefully created a triggering event which made her the savior for the day, hiding out in the room because the foster child "Needed" her, with all of the party-goers playing witness to how needed she is as a mother/savior to this child. OP, you don't have a foster kid problem, you have a Mom problem.
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 12
    absentmindedlurking 4h ago I don't think I did anything wrong because I just told her the truth Maybe it was the truth but you're 17, she's 9. You must realize that regardless of if its the truth, the way you said that was mean so of course she's upset. YTA for the delivery. Idk but my guess is your mom would've rather you been nice to your foster sister on mother's day.
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 13
    Secret_Double_9239 4h ago Sounds like your parents are fostering a child with complex needs and not considering how that changes/impacts your dynamic and relationship with them.
    via ruined-mothersday
  • 14
    kirinspeaks •4h ago YTA. You told a traumatized child that she ruined a holiday by being overwhelmed. Pull your head out of your a I you're old enough to realize what you said was
    via ruined-mothersday

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family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant kids teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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