Bridesmaid drops out of step-sister's wedding party after she chooses an unflattering dress for her, affirming childhood sibling rivalry that parents ignored: "She was using it as a chance to make me feel less than"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 23, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Being chosen to be a bridesmaid is usually a great honor; it indicates that the bride considers you to be a part of her inner circle, so to speak. As a bridesmaid, your primary duty is to support your engaged friend in the days leading up to her wedding. It's supposed to be the best day of her life, but unfortunately, the planning period tends to come with loads of stress more often than not. While it's important for you to be there for her emotionally and try to help out with the logistics as best you can, you are in no way obliged to go out of your comfort zone for any unreasonable whims.

In our story today, our protagonist is selected to be bridesmaid by her step-sister. This comes as a surprise, as they were never that close. However, childhood wounds reopen when step-sister completely ignores her preferences when it comes to dresses and picks out something unflattering for her to wear. Our protagonist ends up dropping out of the wedding party, to their family's dismay. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA for dropping out of being my (step)sister's bridesmaid after she chose an awful dress for me and pretty dresses for her friends?

    Cheezburger Image 10508386048
    via gchutka

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    To give some background context first. My (step) sister and I were raised together from toddlers to be sisters, not stepsisters. Our parents met when I
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 03
    was 20 months old and she was almost 3. My dad had custody of me and her mom had custody of her. We never knew another family so everyone saw us as siblings and we were treated like we were.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10508385536
    via SDI Productions

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    Something I was aware of, even when we were kids, is that she'd call herself an only child and say she had no siblings. That was mostly a school and with friends thing. She never said it around our family. But I always felt like she didn't see me as her sibling. We never had a closer relationship and the other siblings
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 06
    I grew up seeing had good and bad in their relationships. I never knew any that were always distant. As an adult of course I know not all siblings are close and get along so maybe I shouldn't read into it too much but I often suspected the step
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 07
    mattered in why she was that way. I remember she was always willing to help younger cousins look cute and she'd do makeovers for her friends younger siblings, sometimes I'd even hear her say she'd love a little sister. But she never did those things with me. A few times I asked and she started grumbling and I left it.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10508385792
    via imagepointphoto

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    I had learned to accept we would never be close by the time I reached like 13/14. Which is why I was surprised when she asked me to be her bridesmaid.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 10
    So I wasn't asked to be her maid of honor and I wasn't her only bridesmaid. She had 8 of us. The others were her friends. I did notice I found out everything later than the others about stuff she
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 11
    wanted us to do. I didn't get invited to look at wedding dresses with the rest of the bridesmaids. But I was included when she went shopping for jewelry for the bridesmaids. We were all there.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 12
    Then we had two days of bridesmaids dress shopping. The first store she liked nothing. But I remember feeling awkward because she had focused more on what she wanted for the others dresses.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 13
    Then the second day was successful. Only I figured out immediately that she was trying the others in these really cute dresses and I was getting dresses that either did not flatter me and my body or weren't pretty.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 14
    I should mention now that we were all going to wear different dresses and different colors. She wanted that.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 15
    The other girls all loved what they were trying on and I thought all the others looked so nice. But I hated everything she tried on me. And I felt like they got worse on me as we went on. I did speak up a couple of times because the others did. She listened to them but not me.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 16
    I pulled her aside before we finished and asked her if there was anything else she liked for me to try on because I felt like the other girls had nicer dresses.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 17
    She told me it wasn't my wedding and I was meant to do what she wanted. I told her I understood but she was okay with hearing out the others. She walked away from me and went back to them. I was texting
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 18
    my boyfriend and he said the dress wasn't very flattering on me. Even the lady who was helping us said the dress could be tailored to better fit my body if I wanted to try that.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10508385280
    via Monkey Business Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    But I saw it as a sign that I wasn't really wanted and she was using it as a chance to make me feel less than. So I got changed and went back out to her and said I wasn't working out as a bridesmaid and she could find someone else. She didn't try to stop me
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 21
    but she went to our family and they were asking why I'd do that and they told me it seemed silly to step. down over a dress and that we're sisters and this is special. I told them it was about more than just the dress but she was always careful to hide the other stuff from them so now they think I'm TA.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 22
    I'm doubting myself now. But I did show some others what she was dressing me in and everyone says the same thing. And I showed what one of the other
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 23
    bridesmaids posted and they see what I'm talking about. Plus my friends and boyfriend believe me about the history between us. I know our parents think I'm being sensitive and now overreacting.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090

  • Her step-sister's dismissiveness is just the tip of the iceberg in what our protagonist paints to be a lifetime of subtle torment from her sister. 

  • 24
    WasabiHeadx NTA. She doesn't sound like a very nice person. I definitely wouldn't want to be bridesmaid for her. Shame your parents don't seem to believe/ understand what you have putting up with for the past however many years!
    via u/WasabiHeadx
  • 25
    FamilyWoes90090 OP She's nice to others and I've seen her be really kind to people. Just never to me. My parents have never witnessed any of it for themselves and they see her asking me to be her bridesmaid as proof that it's all in my head basically. I wish I could show them exactly how it's been.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 26
    Minimum-Arachnid-190 I would just block her from your mind. Don't attend the wedding. You're not even close. And stop listening to her monkeys.
    via u/Minimum-Arachnid-190
  • 27
    dontoliver01 NTA. Your family only sees the surface. Since she hides her treatment of you well, they believe she's the loving sister and you're being dramatic. That's incredibly invalidating and it makes you question yourself. But the people who know you personally, your boyfriend, your friends, the bridal shop lady see what's really going on, and they're siding with you. That says a lot.
    via u/dontoliver01

  • Her family might be blind to the sister's antics, but there are people on our protagonist's side that see her for who she is. 

  • 28
    Interesting_Novel997 It's kind of diabolical if I'm being honest.
    via u/Interesting_Novel997
  • 29
    HasOneHere Don't be there for either the wedding or the divorce.
    via u/HasOneHere
  • 30
    turquoise_turtle83 Its very hurtful that your parents don't believe you, and maybe its symtomatic for the dynamic during the childhood then. They don't want to see how mean she is to you.
    via u/turquoise_turtle83
  • 31
    This is totally unacceptable and just plain cruel. Don't second guess yourself. You see what she is doing, and rest with the knowledge your friends and bf and even other bridesmaids can see it. Maybe its not realistic that your parents will understand. Unless you try to give them the full story.
    via u/turquoise_turtle83
  • 32
    If i were you i would decline participating. Her behaivor is not one to cherish or celebrate so she can be on her own as the only sibling she chose to be. Focus on those who appreciate you instead. She is not worth it.
    via u/turquoise_turtle83
  • 33
    FamilyWoes90090 OP It is hurtful but I know she's good at hiding it. She was always careful to not say out loud the denial that we were siblings around the adults in our family. Like the comment about wishing she had a
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 34
    little sister. That was always said when the adults weren't around. Same thing for telling people she was an only child. It never happened where our parents or other family could hear.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 35
    But I still wish my parents could at least see that she was never affectionate or close with me. And think maybe there's some truth to what I'm saying.
    via u/FamilyWoes90090
  • 36
    turquoise_turtle83 So she is manipulative and mean. If she hides it from adults then she is well aware of what she is doing. Consider saying you don't want to ever socialize with her without parents present because she is two faced and you prefer the side she is showing with them present.
    via u/turquoise_turtle83
  • 37
    Ok_Childhood_9774 NTA, and trust your gut on this one. I'm sure she felt pressured to ask you to be a bridesmaid, but she decided to use the opportunity to let you know exactly how she feels about you. Attend the wedding, send a barely reasonable gift, and cut this 'sibling' out of your life as much as possible.
    via u/Ok_Childhood_9774

Tags

family drama bride groom wedding party AITAH wedding drama bridesmaids toxic sibling rivalry wedding brides entitled family sister bridezilla entitled people
Scroll Down For The Next Article