31-year-old mom goes "no contact" after sister excludes her children from family events despite her moving to Florida so their kids could grow up together: “Sorry, friends only”

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    My (31f) brother in law (37m) broke our children's heart by excluding them from a sleepover with their cousins, Do we go no contact?

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    I was in the navy for the last 8 years on the west coast with my husband (31m) and our 3 wonderful kids. When I decided to leave the navy, I talked with my sister, hannah (38f), all time about living close so
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    our kids can grow up with their cousins. They live in florida. She was so excited. All of our children are active in sports, so everything sounded amazing. When we moved close, all that excitement vanished.
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    My sister (38f) and her husband, Sam, have 3 kids as well. For the record, no one likes Sam. They've been together forever and he's a controlling . Their family is extremely private. There is a whole backstory that would take too long to explain. Just trust me (said every redditor ever).
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    Since moving, We have seen them maybe once a month or less. Very brief visits. Mostly holidays or birthdays. Our children have been begging to have a sleepover. They had one last year and it was 10 pm at night after a play date.
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    Sam's entire family lives here. When they show up for gatherings, they huddle off into areas of the house and stayed closed off. They gave our middle child a nickname "Fed" and they say it's just for and giggles but my gut tells me that's bulls
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    Fast forward to this weekend, I was talking to my dad, who lives in Nevada. It's through him I find out our nephews have been in so many sports that we knew nothing about. Celebrations, fun trips, a lot.
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    and at every Like we don't want to be up their a single thing, but at least give us the option to be included. We left what family we knew so our kids could grow up with their cousins. We live 20 mins down the road and never hear or see them. To add insult to injury, dad sent me pictures that Hannah sent him, they all have Sam's family in them.
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    This weekend was also my oldest nephews birthday. Family was in town so we got to see our nephews all weekend. Our kids had a blast. Every night they asked for a sleep over and "we are busy, we have
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    plans, we have church". Right in front of us, Hannah and Sam made play date plans for their kids. We've been asking for over a year and it was that easy to do in front of us? If we ask to do anything, Hanna always says "idk you'll have to talk to Sam."
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    Today was the party. My husband asked one of our nephews in passing "how was church this morning" "oh we didn't go". So they lied to us and our kids, but we kept our mouths shut. The party was good until the end. Parents showed up with backpacks, pillows,
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    and sleeping bags for kids who were at the party. I prayed my kids wouldn't see, but they did. Our kids ask if they can stay too, we had to tell them that they weren't invited. My youngest said "I'm gonna ask unc Sam." Sam looks them de d in the eye and says
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    "sorry. Friends only". My youngest is in shambles and cried. Like heart break. We immediately leave. As we are walking away with our sobbing child, one family member yells "Bye fed!". I turned around and asked for clarification why they use it and I was told "it's
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    just a joke". Our kids were so upset. All of them crying. My husband and I had to tell the kids it wasn't our fault, that they have lied to them and us about sleepovers all weekend and we've tried so many times for play dates and sleepovers. We didn't want our kids angry or upset with us. We felt they deserve to know the truth.
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    do I do? Hannah has aways had Sams back. But this has gone too far. Do I try to talk to Hannah? Or just go no contact. I think Hannah feels trapped, so she goes along with everything Sam
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    says. But she's a grown woman who can stand up to him and say no. Idk. I'm torn. Idk what to do. Ultimately, I need to protect my kids, I do know that, but god, I can't imagine the heartbreak they are going to feel when we tell them we aren't talking to them anymore.
  • 18
    Jen5872 If they're the only reason you moved to Florida then maybe it's time to move near family who actually give a cr p. Nevada isn't so bad.
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  • 20
    InsertCleverName652 For real. Don't live near a h_le family and you'll be a lot less disappointed. You need a support system, not drama and pain.
  • 21
    killerqueen112491 Exactly! Why stay somewhere you're clearly not wanted and deprive your children of better, more meaningful friendships? My best friend is a girl I met in kindergarten and we've been best friends since (I'm turning 33 this year) and I live 12 hours away but make sure to include her in any plans to visit home.
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    jinxxed42 OP. it's REALLY clear that you and your family think your family. They don't even consider you friends. You made them so important that you moved closer to them and they couldn't give a fig.
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    Stop being nice. protect your kids. Stop visiting them lower contact. tell your kids what they said, so they know. Then have playmates with people who love your kids. When asked to visit. Say you are visiting friends. when asked a favor say your busy.
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    Sweet_Justice_ They either don't like you or they don't like your kids OP.... so just stop trying and make your own "family" with people that actually care. One day they may regret their actions but you have to do the best thing for your kids.
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    It wouldn't hurt to also maybe consider if your kids are unruly or unkind? This wasn't mentioned in your post but I do have a very close cousin that I adore but her kids are an absolute nightmare and my kids refuse to have anything to do with them.
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    Unfortunately my cousin just can't see it... she thinks. the sun shines out of her kids and is blind to the fact that they are mean, spiteful little bu lies. I have tactfully tried to let her know but she's extremely defensive so we just try to avoid family get togethers and catch up adults only instead. I would never ever
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    be nasty to their kids like this though, that's never ok. I'm not suggesting that your kids are to blame, but it is a possibility that there's a bigger reason than just Sam being an AH. In any case, don't waste time on people that don't make time for you.
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    Upset_throwaway2277 Agreed. When my kids were little they had cousins they didn't particularly like. Their mother (my sil at the time) continued to try and force this relationship and it made my children dislike the cousins even more. The kids might just not get along and that's okay but stop trying to force it because they're family.

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