34-year-old brother takes in unemployed 42-year-old sister after she divorces her husband, brother's partner demands she pay rent to stay: ‘We pay all her bills and watch her kids’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 26, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

When someone in your family needs a place to stay, and you decide to offer them your own home, just know that it will probably be a long while before you will be able to see them out. Never have I ever heard of someone saying "It will only be a couple of weeks" and have them actually come through with that statement. Before you know it, they ask for another week, and then another, and soon enough, they have been living in your basement rent-free for the past six months, without any intention of leaving.

That is not to say that you shouldn't help your family when they are struggling, just know what you are getting yourself into, and maybe prepare for that in advance. For instance, maybe decide together that if they end up staying with you for longer than two or three months, they must start contributing financially to the household. That way, you are not losing so much by helping them, and it might even encourage them to get back on their feet faster.

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  • For the brother in the story below, it might be slightly too late. His sister has already been living in his basement for the past six months, and she is still unemployed and has no intention of leaving. The brother's husband has had enough of this situation, and he decided it's time she starts paying rent. The brother, on the other hand, disagrees.

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    Cheezburger Image 10510127616
    via Hrant Khachatryan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for telling my husband that his sister should be paying rent to live with us?

    I(37 M) and my husband(34 M) have been married for 16 years, and dating for 18, and he has an older sister(42 F) who has been living with us for the past six months. A little context, his sisters
    via Silly-w*lly-6969
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    ex husband had been having an affairs and when she found out, her husband left for the new woman, taking partial custody over their son (11 M) and daughter(6 F). He got the house
    via Silly-w*lly-6969
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    and most of their finances as well. My Husband Jack had told her that she was welcome to stay with us for a week or two until she could find somewhere more permanent, and while this was all
    via Silly-w*lly-6969
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    ok with me, he had never talked with me before hand, and the house is all in my name. Well, that "week or two" turned into six months and 13 days. She's been living in our basement, but when
    via Silly-w*lly-6969
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    the children come over every other weekend, it makes the house very chaotic, which makes it hard for me to sleep during the day, since I work nights as a police dispatcher. Her children
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    also tend to make a mess, and sometimes my husband will offer to watch them is my sister in law wants to go out. His sister does not have a job, and, as far as we know, has not been looking for
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    one. Last night, my husband and I were having trouble finding a compromise to the situation. I think that it's unfair us to take in his sister, mainly because when my brother had disowned my
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    nephew(19 m), my husband was very against the idea that he would be allowed to live in our house rent free, even though he was only 16 at the time. I brought this us to my
    via Silly-w*lly-6969
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    husband and his response was "that was not a grown up trying to provide for their family. Plus he had a job and would've been able to pay us rent". My husbands family and I have always had a
    via Silly-w*lly-6969
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    very strong relationship, and I don't want this to end that, but I think it's infair to us that we pay all her bills and watch her kids for her, and she can't even pay us a little rent to help cover these sorts of things. Am I in the wrong here?
    via Silly-w*lly-6969
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    Cheezburger Image 10510138368
    via Gabriel Ponton

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    TarzanKitty NTA Tell him that is sister is NOT an adult supporting a family. She is a child living in your basement and YOU are supporting her family.
    via TarzanKitty
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    Artistic-Tough-7764 You agreed to 1 - 2 weeks. 6 months is right out. NTA
    via Artistic-Tough-7764
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    aeroeagleAC Six months is long enough to find a job. It is also long enough that there needs to be plan in place for exit.
    via aeroeagleAC
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    When my wife asked if my BIL can stay with us I gave it one year. Something like that needs to be decided. A hard deadline of exit.
    via aeroeagleAC
  • 17
    writing_mm_romance You have a serious husband problem. He doesn't value your feelings or perspective. Perhaps you should suggest he move out with his sister, if hes so concerned about her well- being.
    via writing_mm_romance
  • 18
    Initial-Read-8680 nta, sorry i cannot get over the fact he let his 42 year old adult sister live with you with no rent or anything, but your nephew couldn't??? my sister let me live with her and her 5 kids for 2 years after i had an
    via Initial-Read-8680
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    emergency housing situation. all i had to do was watch her kids on days i didn't work and help around the house. she even took me to disney. THAT is how family supports eachother, that woman is taking advantage of you.
    via Initial-Read-8680
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    jossmcboss NTA. You're not helping her, if you were she'd have got a job by now. Some people need to be forced to stand on their own two feet. Push her out of the nest asap!
    via jossmcboss

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