40-year-old business man refuses to disclose finances to girlfriend of two months, he breaks it off when she becomes obsessed with finding out how much he makes: “It felt like my privacy was being invaded”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 30, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

When you're dating in your 20s, you may not give much thought to your potential partners' finances. Sure, you'd know to avoid some major red flags like if they're spending way above their means with a credit card. But when you're both young, there's a lot of room for mistakes, learning, and growth. Furthermore, unless you come from wealth, most 20-somethings are more or less at the same financial point in their lives.
If you're dating in your 30s and 40s, it makes sense to want to find a partner that is already financially stable. Maybe that's what our protagonist's ex-girlfriend was trying to do in out story today. We're not totally sure, though, because her obsession with making him tell her exactly what he makes got so bad that he broke it off with her before she could find out. She sure gave off some pretty entitled vibes, though — and they were only together a whole two months!

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  • 01

    AITA for ending a relationship because she wants full details of my wealth after 2 months of being together?

    Cheezburger Image 10511076096
    via pixelshot

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  • 02
    A couple of my friends thought that I acted wrongly here. I'm curious what other people think. I (40m) just ended a 2 month relationship with my now-ex (39f) I'll call her "X". I ended it because she
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 03
    pestered me to know about my finances, despite me saying that I wasn't comfortable letting her know something like that so early. Both of us were divorced once already, and we were both the person who asked for the divorce (neither divorce was terrible, we both divorced for emotional differences).
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 04
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  • 05
    I try to keep my finances on the down-low, for obvious reasons. I've lost a few friendships, and had to break contact with more than one family member due to money (people who asked for help and blew
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 06
    it). But this is pretty easy to do, because I don't live lavishly. I ride a bike most of the time, and I live in a relatively modest house. However, I don't work currently, aside from some volunteer work, so that's the one thing that stands out.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 07
    I made some really good (lucky) financial choices early in my life. I bought a house at 17 with money I saved from a young age (my dad arranged the mortgage under his name, but I paid everything and
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 08
    took over the mortgage when I was old enough), and I worked hard to pay off the mortgage by the time I was 24. Long story short, this gave me a serious advantage with finances in my 20s, and I made a lot
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 09
    of investments, some of which paid off big time in the past few years (crypto). Today I don't work, but I'm not decided on being "retired", I have some projects that I'm thinking of turning into a business.
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  • 10
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    via nattanan23 from pixabay

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  • 11
    When X and I met, finances weren't discussed at all, and she seemed really down to earth. She even said a few times that money doesn't matter to her. I tried my best to keep my finances hidden from her, because I didn't want to have an inaccurate sense of her feelings for me.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 12
    After being together for about 3 weeks, the subject of my finances came up (because of the fact that I don't work). I told her about my young homeownership, and having my mortgage paid off, and that I have enough money to not work. I shared
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 13
    with her the general sources of my income, but I refused to tell her how much money I had (which was what she wanted to know). I told her that was a boundary that I was setting, and I didn't want to share that kind of specific info.
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  • 14
    From that point, she seemed very fixated on finances, and her personality started changing. She constantly talked about lavish things she wants to do, like expensive trips, etc. And most of all, she did not give up on the questions about my finances.
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  • 15
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  • I sort of think it's not crazy that she wanted to have an idea of the money that he makes, but the entitled way that she talked about using his money in the future is a pretty big, red flag. 

  • 16
    This continued consistently, and she would ask me specifically how much money I had, and how much I had invested, etc. It almost became an argument once, she raised her voice about it, and quickly cooled herself off about it and changed the subject.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 17
    I wrongly told myself that cooling herself off like that was a good sign of maturity (maybe it was). Each time she asked about it, I set a clear boundary by saying that I didn't think we were at a stage of our relationship where we should ask eachother things like that. She would agree, and then slowly weasel her way back into the topic by the next time we saw eachother.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 18
    We weren't dating "heavily", I would say. We're not teenagers who spend every waking moment together, we saw eachother maybe 2-3 times per week, and she would spend the night occasionally, and we spent 2 entire weekends together (maybe
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 19
    that's serious, but I don't think so). And we hadn't yet ever discussed moving in together, or much less marriage. So we weren't at a stage where I felt it was appropriate for us to ask eachother things like that, especially when I had given her what I would consider to be enough information.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 20
    Anyways, I broke things off this past weekend, and it didn't go well. She was very emotional about it, which I didn't expect considering the fact that I thought the relationship wasn't very far along. The only point I made in the breakup was that I felt like
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 21
    my privacy was being invaded because we had not reached any kind of relationship milestone that I would consider talking about things like finances. I told her that I could understand if we were talking about moving in together, she might want to know how financially secure I was.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 22
    I talked to a few of my friends last night about the breakup. They had all met her once, and they liked her. 3 of my friends agreed that I acted immaturely, and that I shouldn't have been so secretive.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 23
    One of my friends said "it's unfair to hide something like that, because everyone else at least has a ballpark idea of how much money someone makes as soon as they know what kind of job they have, and she didn't have info like that, which is unfair to her". I didn't agree with this, because it's foolish to make
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 24
    assumptions like that, combined with the fact that she said multiple times that money didn't matter to her. I'm curious to hear what other people think about this.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas

  • His friends are ridiculous and inexplicably way more invested in a two-month relationship than our protagonist himself. 

  • 25
    Edit: Lots of people seem to be under the impression that the big issue in this relationship was that she was a "gold digger". The issue was that I was setting a boundary, and she repeatedly chose not to respect that.
    via u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas
  • 26
    NTA. worthy_usable Real talk here, friend. If she asked you once to ensure that you aren't El Chapo's long lost cousin, I get that. Especially because you don't need to work for right now. That's fair.
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  • 27
    But to keep fixating on what she would like to do with your money? Nah. Hard pass. Time to move on.
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  • 28
    bonestamp I generally agree, but there's also the possibility that she was concerned he was going to run out of money and she'd be footing the bill for things if their relationship evolved. For all we know, she's
    via u/bonestamp
  • 29
    had experiences with dudes that don't work and also don't have much money. Her suggesting lavish things may have been a way to get a better understanding of whether he has a lot of money (or not) when asking him directly didn't work.
    via u/bonestamp
  • 30
    Either way, she was out of line, or at least very poorly communicated her concern that he didn't have enough money for the future. Or maybe she was a gold digger, we'll never know.
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  • 31
    Longjumping-Code 7908 Yes, came here to say this. Without knowing the context of HER finances or her history it's hard to tell why she was so inappropriate. She might've just been trying to determine if he was safe in regard to his finances. At a certain age
    via u/Longjumping-Code
  • 32
    it's appropriate to determine if you're a match in terms of financial stability, security and future - but her disregard for the repeated boundary is a red flag. And the fact that she was feeling this out based on lavish spending suggestions isn't a good sign.
    via u/Longjumping-Code
  • 33
    StarryC I agree, some suspicion is warranted. (1) Money without notable work could be evidence of something that is untoward.
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  • 34
    (2) Money without notable work could be evidence of TERRIBLE decision making= Is he just going into debt heavily right now? A lot of women have been on some dates with men who seem to be doing OK, and then 3-6-9 months later you realize this guy is headed for catastrophe and will bring me down with him.
    via u/StarryC
  • 35
    (3) Work is a huge part of life. A guy with zero ambition or work to fill his time would not be a good match for everyone. I think it is fair to talk some about plans, ambition, etc. Like is he planning to sit home all day while I work?
    via u/StarryC
  • 36
    (4) OP isn't into this, but some men might be. A lot of men get rich because they want to get women into that. A lot of people rich enough to not work want to travel a lot and don't want to be tied down by a woman who is going to need to go to work.
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  • 37
    They aren't a match. Breaking up is not an ah le move. But, her trying to figure out what is going on is ALSO not an a h le move.
    via u/

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boyfriend relationship advice break up AITAH toxic relationships girlfriend couples love entitled breakup rich people red flag money relationship drama dating entitled people
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