Mom of 2 gets offended when childless friend calls her out on perpetual lateness: 'My other friends are on time despite having small children'

It is no secret that having kids is usually a shortcut to playing the game of life on hard mode, especially when they are young. Tasks that could once be completed in a matter of minutes can suddenly become mountain climbing expeditions with a couple of tiny people in tow. As a result, time management is something that parents can occasionally struggle with. Even if they are willing to cooperate with a schedule, the family might not be.

That being said, there is a clear difference between trying to make good time even with such a distraction and not really making an effort at all. While most have their sympathies when it comes to kids not abiding by the clock, they also have their limits with it as an excuse. Like it or not, a certain level of timeliness is important for the sake of whoever the plans are with. 

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • 01

    AITA for telling my friend that it’s unfair for me to be on stand-by just because she has kids?

    This happened a few weeks ago but I'm still thinking about it. My (36F) friend (39F) has two kids (2&6 yo) with her husband. We've known in each for 10 years and in all those years, not once has she showed up on time. Doesn't matter if it's a casual coffee date, a play, my birthday dinner - she's always late and usually no less than 20 minutes. One time she even managed to be 45 minutes late to a dinner she invited me to because "she just needed to grab a few things on the way".
    via mustytomato
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  • 02
    O
    via Deividas Dravininkas

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is what one woman came to realize after she experienced some friction with a friend because of her constant lateness. She had two small children and would frequently use them as an excuse to be late by up to an hour.

    The woman maintained that her friend had had issues with timeliness even before having kids, and she commented on her lateness when she took her time to show up to a walk they had planned together because she was putting her child down for a nap.

    The friend suggested that they should allow a window of time to meet up instead of an exact one, but the woman protested at the idea of being on standby for her. Her friend got annoyed, and she wondered if she was in the wrong.

  • 03
    I have tried to talk to her about it many times in different ways and make her understand how I feel. I hate being late and don't appreciate others being late more than the customary 5-10 minutes either, especially if they don't give me a heads up because it feels dismissive and like my time is not as important as theirs. She's always brushed it off, so I've just started to add about 20 minutes to any time we're supposed to meet. I don't like it, but it sort of works since we don't see each othe
    via mustytomato
  • 04
    When I showed up, she commented on it, I apologized and we got to talking. She started going on about how she couldn't set a time if we wanted to meet because it didn't always work out with the kids and lots of unpredictable stuff could happen. Her take was that it would be better if we could meet between for example 1 and 2pm and she could just text me whenever she's ready. We don't live that far apart and usually meet somewhere in the middle, but it would still mean that I'd have to sit on sta
    via mustytomato
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  • 05
    So I told her that I get how kids are unpredictable and I don't mind a bit of lateness because of that, but I also don't think it's fair to me to just sit and wait on her for however long just because she has children. Her husband is super involved and has had no issues with taking both kids for an evening, so I know it's doable - and all my other friends are completely able to be on time despite having small children as well. She sort of got quietly annoyed and said "well, that's just how it is
    via mustytomato
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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)
  • 07

    Commenters assured her she had the right response.

    thisanonymoususer NTA. Who is she leaving the kids with? She should be able to hand over the kids and walk out the door on time. I have been a few mins late with my kids, but I have handed off upset kids to my partner and it's been fine.
    via thisanonymoususer
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  • 08
    mustytomato OP Her husband is great with them and is literally the only reason they show up anywhere near the expected time when together. He actually made sure she made it to her own wedding (courthouse, so no dallying there) because he insisted they drive together, otherwise she wouldn't have gotten married that day.
    via mustytomato
  • 09
    no_proper_order Stop waiting for her. When she's more than 15 minutes late, leave.
    via no_proper_order
  • 10
    EmploymentLanky9544 She sort of got quietly annoyed and said "well, that's just how it is", which I guess is code for "live with it" Nah. You're tired of it, and finally speaking up. She's never respected your time. Now she's using her kids as an excuse for lack of preparation. You have a life, and a schedule. Not only are you suffering through the sitting and waiting, there is the build-up beforehand, knowing the same thing is going to happen again. Time to end the cycle. ΝΤΑ
    via EmploymenyLanky9544
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  • 11
    invisiblebyday NTA, your time is important too. Young children do complicate adult plans though, especially if the person wasn't a good time manager before becoming a parent. Looks like you're stuck with 'live with it' if you choose to spend time with her.
    via invisiblebyday
  • 12
    Kami_Sang Most adults I know have kids and guess what-they get to work, to school, to social events on time. Of course on the odd occassion something happens but because it's not the norm it's no issue. Using your kids as an excuse for you always being late is just that - an excuse. If she wanted to be on time, she would.
    via Kami_Sang
  • 13
    lamlrene Her take was that it would be better if we could meet between for example 1 and 2pm and she could just text me whenever she's ready. How convenient...for her. Must be nice to keep people in "wait" mode until she's ready. Her inability to manage her time/family/etc is being pushed off onto you (and probably other people in her life). Clearly she thinks her time is more valuable or she's just a completely disorganized mess. Either way, you don't have to put up with it unless you choose to
    via IamIrene
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  • 14
    Private-Figure-0000 NTA. I've been in exactly this situation with a close friend. I have a busy life too, I cannot just wait around forever (often for her to cancel 20 minutes after we were supposed to meet up to begin with). I have told her to just bring the kids and let them nap in a stroller or pick something we can include them in to make it work. I have multiple friends with kids who have no issues arriving on time or incorporating the kids into their lives so they can still see their frien
    via Private-Figure-0000
  • 15
    LiveKindly01 NTA, but let's see how this plays out for HER. You ask her to meet for coffee between 9-10, she says she'll text you around that time. She texts you at 9:30 and said she's on her way. You tell her you're already there. She gets there and you're half way through your coffee, by the time she gets hers, you talk for 10 minutes and you have to get up and leave....now she's drinking alone and asking why you have to leave so soon. Sorry babe, got things to do! Now SHE'LL want to nail down
    via LiveKindly01
  • 16
    Reasonable-Ad-3605 NTA. Firstly this sounds like this has been happening pre kids. So the kids excuse is bulls. Secondly she's just a selfish person. There are few, if any, good excuses to being habitually late. That being said you've put up with this for 10 years, and to some extent people treat you how you let them treat you. From her POV this is fine and normal because you've let it be that way forever. Be firm, set boundaries, and figure out if this is a deal breaker in your friendship.
    via Reasonable-Ad-3605
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  • 17
    StAlvis NTA My girl is talking like she's got an infant who is still a fussy sleeper.
    via StAlvis
  • 18
    Arorua_Mendes NTA Look sis, she doesn't respect you enough to try. Ten years of this pattern isn't about kids being unpredictable, it's about her thinking your time is disposable. You've been MORE than understanding, bending over backwards to make it work. But asking you to sit around waiting for her text like some kind of on call service? That's not friendship, that's convenience. Your time matters too, and friendship goes both ways.
    via Arorua_Mendes
  • 19
    Doggondiggity She has been late for 10 years and her oldest kid is 6 years old? This isn't a kid issue it is a time management issue. I have two kids, and I am rarely late. I am usually early, why? Because Im just someone that gets anxiety about being late, even if it doesn't matter if I am late. My two cousins on the other hand have to be told that things start an hour before they actually do because they are always late, they have always been late and really the kids haven't changed how late t
    via Doggondiggity
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  • 20
    JGalKnit NTA. It is basic manners and consideration of people's time. Your time is as valuable as hers is. She is acting like hers is more valuable. I guess I would tell her that she can do that, but you won't be "on call" and if you don't end up being available when she calls, then you aren't.
    via JGalKnit
  • 21
    marla-M Nta. I raised two kids and can count on one hand the number of times I've been late somewhere when they were growing up. Yes, it is maybe a little obsessive/ compulsive but being on time is a sign I respect someone else's time, and if that means I'm 10-15 minutes early that's what I do. I'm actually a little more relaxed about it now that they are grown (probably because I don't need that 15 minute buffer when it's just me). I have no tolerance for habitually late people
    via marla-M
  • 22
    serpentmoonabz NTA, both me and my son have ADHD which is notorious for time blindness and also things going awry at the best of times. And yet even when he was a toddler having meltdowns about having to wear clothes to go outdoors or the such, I was still on time. I'm the same where I feel like being late is really ride and inconsiderate for other people's time. So to get around it I just leave early for everything, so even if something does crop up, im either 10 minutes early and I sit in my c
    via serpentmoonabz
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  • 23
    g30rg14peach NTA. Someone once told me that people who are ritually late think their time is more important than yours. This feels right in this case - it's a matter of consideration and respect especially seeing as with a little extra planning and some help from her husband, your friend could avoid letting you down and making you wait around.
    via g30rg14peach
  • 24
    txa1265 Her husband is super involved and has had no issues with taking both kids for an evening, so I know it's doable NTA - This was going to be my question... and as someone who was the 'super involved dad' my wife getting time with friends was absolutely a priority. So I don't buy it as an excuse her blaming the kids.
    via txa1265
  • 25

    The woman took all advice on board.

    EDIT: thank you all for your input! As many of you said, the relationship has run it's course and I think I will fade it out or just outright tell her I'm no longer interested after our last conversation. My time and peace of mind is more valuable than this and I think I just needed a kick in the bot by some internet strangers to take that final step.
    via mustytomato
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