14-year-old constantly mocks her 16-year-old sister for being adopted, older sister discovers that they're actually both adopted: 'My parents said don't tell my sister or she'll be devastated'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 5, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It's never good to hide that a kid is adopted. It's one of those things that the kid will eventually discover, and it would be a tragedy if it were never found out. The later a person learns about it, the more painful a realization it will be. That's the case with many big family secrets. Sometimes it's age-inappropriate for a kid to learn about the nefarious things their grandpa has done in his past, so their parents keep it from them until they're in their twenties. That's all well and good, but kids will notice if they get a bad vibe from Grandpa. It's better to be honest (in an age-appropriate way) from the time they can understand, rather than letting your kids be confused about how to feel about their grandpa. Your kids will appreciate this transparency much more than being completely shielded from everything that is happening in the family.

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  • 01

    AITA for threatening to tell my sister we're both adopted if my parents don't make her treat me better?

    My sister (14f) and I (16f) are oil and water as my grandma says. We just never get along. Even when we like babies we didn't play together the way you'd hope siblings would. It didn't get really bad until she was 8 and I was 10. That's when it became a problem big enough that we needed to be in different rooms.
    via u/BathIcy3064

  • Neither of the sisters in this story knew that they were adopted, but the younger one picked up on the fact that her older sister did not look like their mom and dad. She mocked her incessantly for it, but had no idea that she was in the same boat.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10514330368
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    That's also when she started telling me that we weren't real sisters anyway because I was adopted. She says it all the time and what she tells me has gotten longer as she's gotten older. She brings up the fact she looks like our parents when I don't. That
    via u/BathIcy3064
  • 04
    mom and dad only love her because she's their real kid. And that they regret settling for me because they had her afterward. She's said a few times that they tried to unadopt me but weren't allowed to and that I should have been sent somewhere to be rehomed.
    via u/BathIcy3064
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10514330880
    via Jessica Furtney

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06
    It never bothered me that deeply. But it got old. And I used to think it wasn't true so whatever. But then I found out thanks to family members that we're both adopted. I saw proof of it being true and not just for me but for both of us. So I am adopted but so is she.
    via u/BathIcy3064
  • 07
    I've known for a while. I didn't confront my parents for a while. But then my sister started throwing the adopted sh worse at me I knew I needed to confront my parents. They were pred someone told me and I wouldn't tell them who. Then turned into don't tell my sister or she'll be devastated and it might reconfirm the stuff she says.
    via u/BathIcy3064
  • 08
    The other day I told them if they don't stop her and make her treat me better by not saying that sh then I will tell her and I won't care if it hurts her. They told me I can't and I warned them they only had a limited time to do better.
    via u/BathIcy3064
  • 09
    They told me it wasn't fair to threaten to do this to her and that they can only do so much. I said they're our parents so they need to do better. AITA?
    via u/BathIcy3064
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10514330624
    via Nikolas Noonan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    Some_Compote_2226 NTA. Your sister is old enough to know. Your parents need to step up. Ask for a family meeting.
    via u/Some_Compote_2226
  • 12
    readthethings13579 Child psychologists recommend telling children they're adopted from the time that they're babies. It should always be a thing that children know about themselves. OP's parents have been hiding the truth from both of their children their whole lives, which is extremely harmful and unhelpful, and it's going to be so much worse for OP's sister than it would have been if she'd known the truth the whole time.
    via u/readthethings13579
  • 13
    Curious-One4595 ΝΤΑ. Your parents are acting like you've given them an impossible task instead of, you know, asking them to just do their job as parents and rein in your vicious sister before she becomes even worse as a person.
    via u/Curious-One4595
  • 14
    Call a family meeting. Let your parents address it on the spot, knowing if they don't, you'll make the disclosure to your sister then and there. Sorry, you're like Harry Potter amongst the Muggles.
    via u/Curious-One4595
  • 15
    StayPotential NTA ...I would tell her. Just because they lied to both of you and let her treat you like nothing when they could've been honest and shut her up.
    via u/StayPotential
  • 16
    Bathlcy3064 OP Being honest would have really helped. I hate that they lied for so long even with all this going on.
    via u/BathIcy3064
  • 17
    Positive_Ad4207 Just tell her and show her the proof, and tell her now you're in the same boat and she needs to shut her mouth.
    via u/Positive_Ad4207
  • 18
    getfukdup NTa don't tell my sister or she'll be devastated and it might reconfirm the stuff she says. "I am devastated my sister is insulting me daily, and my parents aren't doing anything about it. If they don't soon, I am going to."
    via u/getfukdup
  • 19
    Silly_Southerner For some reason, there are people who - even when you explicitly and expressly tell them, in precise detail, what you're going to do - convince themselves there will never be consequences for their choices.
    via u/Silly_Southerner
  • 20
    Seen it before. Family who have been all 'shocked pikachu' when I did expressly what I said I would do. Whether that was leaving a family reunion, refusing to assist with things I was volunteered (voluntold) for, or telling someone who was verbally abusing me that they were an absolute piece of human garbage and the world would be better off without them. When you do these things, somehow you're always the bad guy, not the people who were actually being a h_les whom you're responding to.
    via u/Silly_Southerner
  • 21
    Because you should always "be the bigger person" and "keep the peace". But somehow that only ever translates into it being your responsibility to tolerate the ab e, not the responsibility of the ab er to stop being a piece of sh, and not the responsibility of anyone else to step in.
    via u/Silly_Southerner
  • 22
    OLPIron5 "Lmaoo you're adopted too little sis Copy and paste that and text your sister it. You're welcome. I don't even get the secrecy. If I ever adopted kids, I'd make it very clear early on that they aren't my biological kids. Is it a western thing to pretend that your adopted kids are not your adopted kids or something?
    via u/0LPIron5
  • 23
    Bathlcy3064 OP It used to happen a LOT decades ago. Happens less now and it's recommended against but some people don't want their kids to know so they won't want to know or find bio family.
    via u/BathIcy3064
  • 24
    miyuki_m Ancestry DNA kits are so popular these days that your parents need to rethink their strategy. They've put off telling her long enough that it's going to be worse for her to find out. I know a lot of people are seeing this as a revenge thing, but the fact is that she deserves to know and should have known long before now.
    via u/miyuki_m
  • 25
    Bluebell2519 You could just smile at your sister when she brings you up about being adopted and say to her "Well, if you think I'm adopted, what do you think you are? and just keep smirking. It'll make her think you know something she doesn't. Then you can tell to ask her parents because they know what you know. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Bluebell2519

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Tags

parents of teens teens family drama older sister adoption teenager teenage sisters teenagers bad parenting bad parents adopted sister little sister Parenting FAILS
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