28-year-old wife faces backlash for clapping back when mother-in-law accuses younger women of being lazy: 'My husband told me that I made him look less masculine'

When it comes to families, bridging the gap between the generations is not always an easy task. More often than not, older relatives have a different view on life, the world, and everybody's role in it than the younger ones do, and that can easily cause tension between them.

This is often doubly true when said relatives are brought into their lives by marriage. Even for those with great partners, getting in-laws who are also compatible as part of the package is often a gamble. Many young husbands and wives have found themselves judged by the parents of their spouses, and the likelihood of this only increases when worldviews are not the same.

The challenge that arises in this situation is whether somebody is willing to stand up for what they think when it comes to their older relatives. At times, it can come at a price that doesn't always seem to be worth it.

 

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • 01

    AITAH for being disrespectful to in laws because I said I am not their son's servant ?

    I am 28f married to my husband tyler 30m. We both are Asians. I also have a son 1m. My family lives nearby and we pay for full time nanny under their supervision for his care. In Asian culture, women whether they work or not, have to contribute most of household work. But with new generation, we girls are putting our foot down and are not allowing this. My husband and I work at same organisation and met there, when we were 22 and new members. It is a public sector Central Bank and it is same pos
    via Medium-Role-7446
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  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10516406784
    via Fotos

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.


     

  • This is a dilemma that one woman faced when she caused a fallout between herself, her visiting mother-in-law, and her husband for challenging how her mother-in-law spoke about relationships. Claiming that women of the younger generation were lazier and incapable of managing work and home at the same time, her daughter-in-law retaliated by telling her that she had had to teach her husband to be an equitable partner and suggesting that the previous generation had exploited women, leaving them bitter.

    Her in-laws accused her of being disrespectful, and her mother-in-law stopped speaking to her. Also, her husband claimed that she had emasculated him. She wanted to know if she had taken things too far.

  • 03
    We both make six figures and have household help for cleaning. But cooking is on me and my husband does laundry, utensils (househelp clean them most). Baby's care is mostly on me. I feel lucky to be in this position as we are saving for a house and our rental is leased by the bank. My in-laws have retired and are visiting here for month. Overall, there are no major issues with them and my child loves them and they love him too. But seeing my husband doing household chores, their faces speak mill
    via Medium-Role-7446
  • 04
    So my mil started saying, during evening snack time, that women in their generation managed both homes and work. The girls are too lazy now. Fil said that he is proud of his wife for managing both. And jokingly said, my husband is henpecked (sarcastically). My husband stayed silent and i also sarcastically replied that, i have no interest in being a servant to their grownup son and how i had to train him for basic chores, during initial days as couple, six years back. As they failed to teach him
    via Medium-Role-7446
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  • 05
    Since then, mil and i am not talking. Fil is ok though. My husband said to apologise and they are here for some weeks only and also love our son. That's true, but I don't see why should I apologise. They started it. I can't be fake diplomatic person. My husband is now giving me cold shoulder and told me that I made him look less masculine. He said his father already pointed out, that my husband removes chest hair and finds it very girly thing to do. That previous gen men were proud of their ches
    via Medium-Role-7446
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    via NONRESIDENT

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07

    People supported the younger woman's point of view.

    I_wanna_be_anemone Maybe he'd be respected as a grown man more if he acted like one and refused to let people disrespect him and his wife in their own home... NTA
    via I_wanna_be_anenome
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  • 08
    cross-eyed_otter this so much. like you can't even stand up to your mom and make the same as your wife while still doing less house work. So even if I bought into the toxic gender roles, they don't fit into them either.
    via cross-eyed_otter
  • 09
    Perfect_Ring3489 Why isnt he tellling your mil to apologise. Nta.
    via Perfect_Ring3489
  • 10
    pixie-ann NTA! I think you are brilliant and you stood up for yourself so well. Your husband is sadly a weak and cowardly man, such a shame. Maybe you can train him to have some sort of backbone and support his wife, though that should also not be your responsibility. If husband had confidently stood up for his wife then perhaps he would feel "more masculine".
    via pixie-ann
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  • 11
    Lumi1992 NTA he chose you, it is his family. He should have stood up and told them they didn't teach him the basics. He could have said that the times have changed and his relationship is build on equality. You are both doing both (home and work) the same amount. He did not. That's the only thing that would have made him more masculine. They disrespected you in your own home. He disrespected you by keeping silent. Time for your husband to finally grow up. You were amazing and I'm glad you want t
    via Lumi1992
  • 12
    EasyPlane9773 NTA. Respect is earned, not given by default just because someone is older. Stand your ground and prioritize your self-worth over outdated stereotypes. Everyone should contribute to their household chores, regardless of gender.
    via EasyPlane9773
  • 13
    dfjkldfjkl If anyone should be apologizing, it should be the in-laws for being AHs.
    via dfjkldfjkl
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  • 14
    GossyGirl He thinks you make him look less masculine? standing up for your wife, and having the courage of your convictions makes you more masculine than bowing to your mummy.
    via GossyGirl
  • 15
    Square-Minimum-6042 NTA. You brought up many good points. Your husband is weak and cowardly. Maybe because he removes his chest hair? Lol but I never heard of that!
    via Square-Minimum-6042
  • 16
    Quiet-Hamster6509 "I've nothing to apologise for. Your parents disrespected me in my own home which everyone knows you don't do. If you feel insecure about your masculinity, that's on you, but I will remind you now that I will not tolerate their behaviour and ive no problems leaving with our child during their stay if your mother continues with this behaviour." ΝΤΑ
    via Quiet-Hamster6509
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  • 17
    White MenEnergy I'd say nta. She made a flippant comment and you told it like it is. You're your own person so don't allow yourself to get pressured into apologizing just because other ppl didn't like it
    via WhiteMenEnergy
  • 18
    Standard Session 1106 NTA. But your husband needs to have your back. Mommy's boys are so ick and this will be a constant source of bs in your relationship.
    via Standard_Session1106
  • 19
    SquareGiraffe7373 So your weak cowardly husband who cannot stand up to his family's sexist and mysoginistic behavior is telling you that YOU are the one who is making him less masculine? Maybe if he behaved like a grown man in charge of his own house and able to stand up for himself, none of this would have happened. You don't owe anyone an apology for speaking your truth and setting boundaries with your in laws. Loving your son doesn't give them the right to disrespect you in your home. NTAH
    via SquareGiraffe7373
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  • 20
    xoxoSunflower1 Girl, NTA. The fact that you're working, have a baby, AND paying for a nanny shows you're already doing plenty. Your in-laws need to understand this isn't 1950. Marriage means partnership, not servitude. Keep standing up for yourself.
    via xoxoSunflower1
  • 21
    NTA FatBloke4 Your husband failed here. It's his job to manage his family and protect you from them. Another way of looking at this is: in the times when women were responsible for all cooking, childcare, household chores, their husbands were earning enough to for their wives to be SAHMs. Your reality (and that of most couples in the last few decades) is that you and your husband both have professional careers and have similar earnings. That means the domestic work should be split evenly. As a m
    via FatBloke4
  • 22
    itsgoodtocare Don't say sorry. You are equals and are already doing more than him. Let him correct his attitude. Be polite but firm.
    via itsgoodtocare
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