Visiting grandma protests when daughter-in-law refuses to allow her to take 5-week-old baby on a day out without her: 'They say I'm selfish for thinking it's too early'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 4, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

While any era of parenthood has the potential to feel overwhelming, the newborn stage is often seen as one of the biggest culprits for this. At this time, most parents and in particular moms will be sleep deprived, struggling to rebalance themselves emotionally and physically, and also trying to adjust to having (another) tiny person in their lives.

In theory, the role of the extended family at this time should be a supportive one, doing what they can to make the lives of the new parents easier. Unfortunately, this can prove to be the last thing that they're interested in doing. In particular, grandparents can show themselves to be overly pushy or unhelpful at this frequently difficult time. It only adds to the pile of anxieties that come from dealing with a new baby, and can potentially negatively affect their well-being in the worst cases. It's a scenario in which a parent has to tread carefully.

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my MIL she can’t take her grandson for an entire day by herself?

    I (f/30) had a baby 5 weeks ago and live long distance from my in laws. MiL is coming into town next week to visit/meet baby and wants to take him all over town for an entire day without me. He is exclusively breast fed and does not take a bottle, he will only eat for a few seconds then screams and looks for breast. He has never been away from me and gets worked up and fussy when I leave the room for more than a few minutes. He is happy and healthy but very attached to me which is don't think is
    via Early-Variety-6333
  • 02
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  • This is how one mom felt when she rebuffed the request of her mother-in-law to take her 5-week-old on an entire day out without her. The in-laws were visiting, and the mom did not want her baby separated from her, as he was exclusively breastfed and she didn't think that he could spend a long time away from her at this stage.

    Both her mother-in-law and husband protested her stance, claiming that she was trying to keep a grandma from seeing her grandchild. Confused and overwhelmed, she wanted to understand if she had done anything wrong.

  • 03
    (this is her first grandbaby but baby #3 for me so I am not new to this). They say I am trying to keep the baby from her and I'm selfish for thinking it's too early for him to be away for an entire day. No one on my side of the family has had him by themselves. He has never been anywhere without me. I am happy to let her have all the time with him that she wants as long as we are all in the same place. She is not familiar with the area and has not communicated where their hotel is, what they wil
    via Early-Variety-6333
  • 04
    EDIT: My answer is unequivocally no. She cannot take my baby anywhere. Thanks for the support More detail: they are from a Caribbean country where there are many cultural differences as well as language barrier so I did not see the red flags until I was very pregnant. I have only met MIL in person once a few years ago and she put the crazy away for that occasion. He said many times throughout my pregnancy that he wanted the baby born in his "home" rather than here in the states where we live but
    via Early-Variety-6333
  • 05
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Commenters were firmly on the mom's side.

    Inevitable_Pie9541 NTA. Your husband has lost his mind, pressuring you over this lunacy. Nothing about your MIL's demands are sane or sensible or reasonable. NO. Practice saying it. No, no, and no. Do not let this woman leave your home with your child. Not for 5 minutes, or she'll disappear for the day, not check in, and ignore your calls. If your husband is a first-time father, maybe he just doesn't get it about an EBF newborn. To be as fair as possible to him. But still, NO!
    via Inevitable_Pie9541
  • 07
    Silky Kitten_Touch It's concerning that your MIL is pushing for a bottle when your baby is clearly not ready
    via Silky_Kitten_Touch
  • 08
    sewswell1955 I'm with you. Grandma is crazy!
    via sewswell1955
  • 09
    Agreeable_Toe_3730 No. Establish boundaries now. You're exclusively breast feeding, that's enough of a reason, though I could think of plenty more. Your partner is an AH if he doesn't have your back. She can come visit in your home and stay the day (if you like) but she has zero business taking a 5 week old infant from his sole food source. *Edited a typo. *Further edit as I've seen OP comment she suspects they want to secretly get a DNA test done. Nah OP. Make arrangements to get out of that ho
    via Agreeable_Toe_3730
  • 10
    As_if_Cher I mean, obvs NTA. Your husband sure is though. Call his bluff and leave. Laying down guilt trips and ultimatums like that over a newborn is just disgusting behavior.
    via As_If_Cher
  • 11
    ΝΤΑ TarzanKitty Stop referring to YOUR child as her grandchild. It is your newborn. Any other relationship with your child is secondary at best. There is ZERO reason for a newborn to be away from the parents unless the parents find it necessary for their needs. Your newborn is not a library book. You aren't required to loan him out to entertain adult relatives.
    via TarzanKitty
  • 12
    Nani65 Somethings up with partner & his mom - sounds like they want to take the baby & leave with him. Take your kids and go stay elsewhere, and for god's sake, consult an attorney. I know that might sound nuts, OP, but NO ONE thinks it's ok for a 5-week-old to be away from his mother for a full day. Go, OP, just go.
    via Nani65
  • 13
    First_Steak782 "I will not be with someone that would keep my baby from my mom and be so selfish." Ok, bye, now your Mother will NEVER see her grandchild.
    via First_Steak782
  • 14
    External_Expert_2069 Your husband is incredibly disappointing. Don't be surprised if they try to sneak the baby away while your sleeping
    via External_Expert_2069
  • 15
    FutureVarious9495 Nta. And you will not be with someone who chooses his mam over his wife and his newborn. Practice no. No, he is not old enough. No, you can't take him. No, I am not withholding him, he is just way too young. No, i am not selfish. No, you are not a great husband, you are a mommyboy. No, this is not a normal request. Just no. Not an option. People want to see the baby? They can make an appointment. Mil wants to see him? She is welcome. But no, she can't take him. And if she is no
    via FutureVarious9495
  • 16
    addyjay613 NTA. Even if you didn't list all the reason your baby can't be without you for a whole day, it doesn't matter, that's still your baby! You reserve the right to decide whether or not anyone breathes in its direction, much less takes it for a day. Your husband needs to go get his brain checked if he thinks a baby who isn't on the bottle yet shouldn't go a whole day away from its primary nutrition source.
    via addyjay613
  • 17
    West-Molasses4571 NTA you partner can crawl back up his mother if he wants to have the umbilical cord still attached. DO NOT allow this to happen and make sure he understands that if they try something you WILL call the cops and have her arrested for kidnapping. It's not a step too far to assume she's going to pull some nonsense. If she can't even tell you where she's staying she doesn't even get to see the baby. You're not being unreasonable demanding details and if even your partner can't unde
    via West-Molasses4571
  • 18
    GoodWin7889 NTA. Make sure you have your family or friends drop over while she's visiting to back you up. Your husband should be prioritizing your child's wellbeing and not buying into his mother's histrionics.
    via GoodWin7889
  • 19
    III_Mouse8194 Caribbean woman here! Protect yourself and your baby. Save all conversations where it is shown they plan on taking the baby out of the country, MIL arguing about taking the baby and being unreasonable. You want to establish a story the courts can clearly see. Document everything and do not let that baby out of your sight, even when you sleep. Our cultures aren't all the same, but one thing they share in common is the machismo and the expectation for women to be submissive to their
    via Ill_Mouse8194
  • 20
    ACM915 NTA- your child is only 5 weeks old. NOT 5 YEARS OLD! is wrong with your husband? He needs to pull his head out of his a and realize what his mother is suggesting is insane and wrong. I would be do disappointed in his attitude and tell him if he doesn't have your back now, then you need to reconsider your marriage to him. No is complete sentence and if they are to threaten you, then call your family to come over and help you and your children leave.
    via ACM915
  • 21
    nerdyconstructiongal Why does granny need baby out and about for a whole day? Why can't she just come and hang out? I'd be very suspicious. Also your husband is the worst. You're not keeping baby from granny. She is welcome to come to you. NTA
    via nerdyconstructiongal
  • 22
    Proud-Contract-8551 Your MIL is sick in the head. What right does she have to say she wants the baby for the whole day without mom. A complete nutjob. Your husband is a POS. That is your baby and it's literal sustenance comes from your body! How disgustingly selfish they both are.
    via Proud-Contract-8551

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family drama daughter in law aita grandma relationships husband dad mother in law family reddit thread Reddit mom
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