Daughter finally stands up to controlling mother after she takes over her wedding planning, neglecting bride and making everything about her: 'It's not my job to make up for what she didn't get in her life'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jun 15, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

The Wedding Planning Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree

The process of wedding planning is certainly a whirlwind. But it does raise the question: has the role of "controlling mother-of-the-bride" become part of the cluster of genetics passed down through generations?

We all know the three components that make up the classic momzilla:

(1) A mother trying to recreate the wedding she never had. (2) A fear that her daughter's new chapter means being left behind. (3) A tendency toward plain old narcissism.

So how does one go about handling a situation where the bride recognizes her feelings and decisions are being pushed aside in the name of keeping the peace? Confrontation is hard but many times, completely necessary. 

Because no, she does not want white roses instead of peonies or to wear a repurposed wedding dress. She's chosen steak for dinner, so the sudden suggestion of fish isn't going to change her mind. And most importantly, she does not want to walk down the aisle to Can't Take My Eyes Off You by Frankie Valli.

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  • Weddings are a rollercoaster of emotions, full of ups and downs, especially as shown below by this generationally controlling mother and her confrontationally avoidant daughter. When one is always seen as the polite, ‘yes’ daughter, it can be hard for them to stand their ground. But where does one draw the line between adding their ‘valuable’ opinion and overstepping boundaries?

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    "This is her chance to plan a wedding. Except it's my wedding. I'm the one who should be doing the planning"
    via gettyimages

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my mother to quit pushing wedding ideas on me?

    I'm a female in my mid-20s. I got engaged recently, and now it's time to plan my wedding. My mother (late 50s) has been looking forward to my wedding
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    since I started dating my fiancé a few years back. She got married in the 90s and didn't get to plan her own wedding due to her controlling mother. I'm sure that
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    was somewhat commonplace at the time. Knowing how horrible her mother truly was, I understand her frustrations.
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    Because she didn't get to plan her own wedding, I think she's channeling her desire for it through me. This is her chance to
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    plan a wedding. Except it's my wedding. I'm the one who should be doing the planning. A few days ago she told me
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    about how another couple she knows repurposed a wedding dress. I said that I didn't want to do that, I'd rather just go buy one
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    or thrift one. She then kept saying how we can make hers look so much better, we can change this, that, and so forth. I firmly said no,
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    and that when I say no, please stop pushing the idea. It happened again tonight. Her friend's daughter got married at a
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    particular venue. She asked me to send them an email about pricing and what not, so I did. Never heard back. There's barely any info about weddings on the
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    center's website. It's also a little far. I told Mom that I wasn't really interested. "But it's all indoors!" she said. I told her again that I wasn't interested. Then I said
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    something that ped her off. "We've had this conversation before. When I say no to something, quit pushing it." Mom did not respond. I left the room. I
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    Cheezburger Image 10517425664
    via standret

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    was always the nicer (aka I hid my feelings more) of her two children, so I'm sure she was complaining to Dad about how mean I was being.
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    I know that her behavior is stemming from not getting to plan her own wedding. But it's not my job as her daughter to
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    make up for what she didn't get in her life. She's always treated her children this way. I'm open to suggestions, but if I say no, I wish she would shut up about it. She
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    also tends to just do what other people do instead of doing her own research. I'm in my mid-twenties. I spent a
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    quarter of a century pleasing her and revolving every choice around her. It's time I please myself and my future-husband. TLDR: AITA for telling my mother
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    to stop pushing wedding ideas so much? And for wanting to plan my own wedding without her approval?
    via Sm*shingBabyYeah08
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    zanahorias22 NTA. if you're open to it, maybe you can give her ownership over a task that you don't really care about, so she has something to focus this energy on - but you'd be under no obligation to do so, of course!
    via zanahorias22
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    LowBalance4404 NTA and you are going to have to start drawing lines in the sand and setting boundaries. It's beyond time to start revolving your choices around her.
    via LowBalance4404
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    unlovelyladybartleby NTA. Why not suggest that she and your dad do a vow renewal? Then she gets to plan her own wedding and won't need to try and take over yours.
    via unlovelyladybartleby
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    KetoLurkerHereAgain If you tell her she's turning into her own mother, maybe that will make her stop and think. NTA
    via KetoLurkerHereAgain

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family drama bride wedding drama decisions mother celebration Awkward mother of the bride wedding guests moms family feud wedding wedding dress family dress daughter
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