Dad forbids 17-year-old daughter from going to her dream university, signs her up for community college classes behind her back: 'He don’t trust me to go 2 hours away'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jun 16, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It is not easy to decide whether to attend a 4-year university immediately or to attend a community college for 2 years and then transfer to a 4-year college for your junior year and beyond. The answer looks different to everyone, depending on their financial situation. The most important thing is to be honest with your kids from the get-go (at least from their freshman year of high school) about what kind of college you can realistically afford. Some parents can pay for all 4 years at an in-state public school, but would have to take out loans for anything more expensive than that. It's devastating for high schoolers to apply to and get into their dream schools, knowing they cannot afford it, forcing them to decline the offer or incur six-figure debt. It's best to apply to what you can afford, and take on as little debt as possible in the process.

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  • 01

    AITA for not allowing my father to control my future education?

    I 17 (f) got accepted into my dream university something I've been working hard for since. freshman year. Now since I'm graduated and began working two jobs to pay for college.
    via u/BakeDear5395

  • While community college might be the most affordable option for some, it can force someone more than ready to leave the nest to stay in it for two valuable years. The daughter in this story does not want to stay at home any longer, but her dad is insistent that she wait it out at community college before going to her dream school. 

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10517975040
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    My father 56 (m) recently sat me down and told me I wasn't allowed to go because he don't trust me to go 2hrs away and believe it's best I should go to a community college close to house house. (little background my parents are divorced and I with my mother.) When I told my
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 04
    father how I didn't want that and want to go to my dream college he told me he didn't care and began telling me how he's going to sign me up for classes and didn't care if I cried because it's only "two years and it's goes by fast." and that "He's helping me not be in college debt."
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 05
    Rather my mom having my back she agreed because the community college near me is free and very closed to the house so I cannot spend money and just stay here.
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 06
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    via Shubham Sharan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    Every time I tried to express myself and say I'll take my debt and pay it myself my parents hair ignore it. I spoke to many of friends and other parents and they told me to either just go and take my parents anger or suffer here but I don't want either and my parents aren't listening. I turn
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 08
    18 two weeks before I start college and I'm scared what's going to happen because I everyone is telling me it's too late but my father isn't listening and doesn't care for my opinion. I just want to be free from my controlling father.
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10517976576
    via Pacha パチャ Shot’s

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    Zealousideal_Call183 If you can afford to go to your dream university using loans then do it. But have a plan for when your parents realise this. I would have all your documents in a safe place, work out where you can go if they throw you out. Can you contact the university and see if they have any helpful advice, I'm sure you are not the first student in your situation, it just feels like it to you.
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 11
    BakeDear5395 OP Thank you! I will see because my mother has my information all I have in my possession was my passport everything else from my documents and bank account is under her because technically still a minor because will get those soon
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 12
    Mz_Febreezy It doesn't work that way. You are still a dependent. If you need financial aid you will need your parents information. You would have to prove that your are independent and by the post you are not. I wish you the best but it's not just as simple as doing what you want in this situation. Talk to the financial aid dept at your "dream school" asap.
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 13
    flindersrisk You may be able to take the basic requirements at a community college for very little money, then transfer the credits to your dream school and graduate with much less debt. Find out whether the dream school will allow it before making decisions. School debt is a crushing burden, interest accruing constantly; try to avoid it as much as possible.
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 14
    MisterRenewable This is very good advice. Kill two birds with one stone. Parents being upset and financials. I did this with one of my degrees. First get the degree requirements from your dream school, then hit as many freshman year classes on it at the cheap community college as you can, while staying at home and "conditioning" your parents to you being in college. Use this time to get all of your ducks in order, documents and finances, knowing you've already been accepted to the dream school,
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 15
    archetyping 101 NTA. But do you need their financial support or documents for FAFSA? I assume you're not on a full ride or scholarship? If you defy your father, you might be homeless until college starts. Do you have a contingency in case this happens? Are they signing for your loans? What if they withdraw that?
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 16
    BakeDear5395 OP It's my mother whose FAFSA I'm using because she's my primary caregiver either way I don't live with him so I won't be homeless I was going to wait sit with my mother alone and speak to her before confronting my father which I honestly don't know how it will go down. And hopefully if I do go to university I would want to sit down with a counselor and see what are way I can do loans I wouldn't just go all in I want to get the confidence to get the help I need to help further my ed
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 17
    archetyping 101 If you're only relying on your mom for FAFSA and live with your mom, you don't owe your dad this. You can simply say you heard him and you made a decision and that he doesn't get a say in it. He might want you to take the frugal route (nothing wrong with that! Many people transfer from community colleges) but it's entirely up to: you and your mom.
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 18
    BakeDear5395 OP I will definitely speak more to my mother because I truly want her honest opinion rather what my father wants her to say
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 19
    slendermanismydad Go to college. Or basically just run. I ended up staying to go to a community college and it honestly ruined my life. I should have left. ETA: I am not shaming community college. I enjoyed it and did go to a four year after that but I needed to have left to the university I actually got excepted into that was my dream school. I graduated at seventeen and was forbidden from leaving and since I was underage, I thought I would get in legal trouble.
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 20
    Responsible-Start307 Community college was good for me because I didn't do well in high school so it helped get me better prepared for university. But it did not save me money. I ended up having to do the four years of University anyway.
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 21
    BakeDear5395 OP Thank you for telling my you're experience I see my father should see this as well I know I will be miserable at community college and my father doesn't understand that. Another reason is because it's closed to his house so he just wants me to be solely needing for his control I won't get to explore or try new things if he knows my every move
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 22
    Donutsmell I don't know that your dad can just sign you up for college without your presence. Is that common wherever you live? You may not want either option you have, but it sounds like you are going to have to pick one. It's part of being an adult. Sometimes it s ks having to make a decision based on two crappy options, but that's life. I think getting away from your controlling parents might be good for you. They might be angry, but you shouldn't give up your dream schooll just to keep them
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 23
    BakeDear5395 OP I don't think he can either and I definitely agree with that it's my choice because I'm now a legally adult and I've been told by many to take that risk and I'm willingly too I just wanted a second opinion because my family have told me to bite my tongue and just do it while my friends and their family has told me not let the hold me back. But thank you
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 24
    DizzyLeadership2317 I know you want to spread your wings and fly and you should but student loan debt is seriously bad news. If you can take classes for free at the local community college and get your core classes out of the way you can transfer them to the college of your dreams and finish up there. It would save you a ton of money in the long run. I do understand wanting to get out of your parent's house though. Just be careful. My mom is a major helicopter mom and I married the wrong person
    via u/BakeDear5395
  • 25
    mavenmim NTA. You need to talk to your mother calmly, and explain that you are going to the university you planned, even if you have to self-fund it or take on some debt, and that you hope she will support you. And controlling dad will just have to s k it up, as it is none of his business, and you'll be an adult by the time you take up your place.
    via u/BakeDear5395

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