3.5 year relationship on the rocks when 26-year-old boyfriend fails to come up with date night ideas besides going to the gym, leaving girlfriend fed up with planning everything: "I don't want to pick"

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jun 17, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Every couple handles date nights differently. Personally, my boyfriend and I like to have one every week. Usually, we aim for one "fancy" date night a month where we dress a little nicer than usual and go out to eat a charcuterie board or tons of sushi. The rest of the date nights are usually sort of the same thing – take-out, video games, and Netflix. You know the vibes. Every blue moon we'll decide to do something "crazy." That's boring adult-speak for bowling or a couples ceramic painting night. What can I say; we're creatures of habit, and we love connecting in our comfort zone.

In our story today, a young man's comfort zone seems to be the gym. That's because every time his girlfriend asks him to suggest a date night activity, he immediately goes for a workout session and cannot seem to think beyond that. Fed up with constantly planning the fun date nights, she takes to the internet for advice on how to make him see things differently. 

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  • 01

    Apparently All My Boyfriend Wants To Together Is Exercise and It's Slowly Driving Me Insane

    "It's the only thing he ever suggests"
    via Samotrebizan

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    (F25) have been with my boyfriend (M26) for 3.5 years. During that time, I've always felt like I'm the one who comes up with activities, plans dates and
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 03
    vacations, and even suggests ideas for my own gifts. The lack of effort or passion on his part is starting to wear on me. I see him as my life partner, but I can't imagine feeling like this forever.
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 04
    This really hit me today. We finally have some summer vacation time, and for the past week, I've been making all the plans-panic dates, walks in the park, visiting local bakeries I wanted to check out. We had a nice time, but it's always me initiating.
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10518307072
    via Aflo Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    This morning, I was in a great mood. I asked him, "Is there something you'd like to do today?" He told me he'd have to work later in the afternoon, but we still had 4-5 hours free. He asked me what I wanted to do, and I gently pushed back, saying I'd like him to come up with something for a change.
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 07
    And like always-his only suggestion was exercise. Every. Single. Time. It's "Let's go to the gym," "Let's run" (I don't run), or "Let's do Pilates." For context, neither of us is overweight-we're both healthy and active. I'm 5'4" and 48kg (~100 lbs), and he's 6'2", 80kg. And he's not a crazy gym bro or anything, we just already live pretty active lifestyles and eat well.
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10518307328
    via Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    While I do enjoy working out together sometimes, it's frustrating when it's the only thing he ever suggests. It makes me feel like I'll always carry the mental burden of planning, and I'm scared it'll turn into silent resentment.
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 10
    I ended up saying some hurtful things-questioning his imagination and mental capacity, which I regret― but I also told him I didn't think my ask was unreasonable. His response? He started suggesting
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 11
    deliberately silly or unappealing things-like grabbing a beer from the fridge and sitting on a bench at 11 AM-to "prove" I have some hidden agenda he can't win against.
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 12
    For context: we're not wealthy, but we're also not broke. We're just finishing our master's degrees and both work part-time, so it's not like I'm asking to go to a fancy restaurant. I just want to spend time together-away from screens and not just working out.
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 13
    This is part of a bigger pattern. He never plans vacations, birthdays, or date nights. It's always "What do you want to do?" or "I don't want to pick something you won't like." I'm not even big on gifts
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 14
    —I just want him to take initiative. That's how I feel close to someone: when they know me and make an effort to make me happy. That's how I treat him.
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d

  • After 3.5 years, it's safe to say that his attitude is unlikely to change. This is a taste of her life if she continues with him. 

  • 15
    9 10 (1) 11 12 13 Happy Birthday 6 17 18 19 20
    via Yusuke Ide

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    I'd love advice beyond "communicate" because I have. I think he understands, but maybe he just genuinely has no ideas? All advice appreciated. Thanks for reading
    via u/s1lly_goos3.1d
  • 17
    dysautonomic_mess As other people have said, this is you doing labour he doesn't recognise. Do you also make the plans to meet up with your mutual friends? How about meal planning, or picking where to order takeout from?
    via u/dysautonomic_mess
  • 18
    In the moment, it seems ridiculous to him because all you're doing is suggesting something to do, it doesn't take any effort.... except it does if you're doing it over and over again. Most men have grown up never having to do this, because the women in their lives do it for them.
    via u/dysautonomic_mess
  • 19
    So. Sit down and have an adult conversation. Don't be accusatory, just explain that you don't always appreciate being the one that has to make decisions. At a time when you are both not tired or
    via u/dysautonomic_mess
  • 20
    stressed, get a mug, or a jam jar, and some paper (I think people also do this with the wooden lollipop sticks but who has like 20 of them lying around).
    via u/dysautonomic_mess
  • 21
    On each piece of paper, write an activity you can do together. Brainstorm together and try and write equal numbers. They can be whatever - watch TV, or go out for coffee, go to an art museum, play banangrams... etc, you could even colour code for high effort, low effort type thing.
    via u/dysautonomic_mess
  • 22
    Next time you have this problem, select one at random. Give yourselves one veto each if it's something you really don't want to do in that moment, but be open to trying new things, with the caveat that you shouldn't suggest things the other person has tried and dislikes (e.g. running, lol).
    via u/dysautonomic_mess
  • 23
    s1lly_goos3 OP Yes, it is a running theme. I am sure many other people have experienced unfortunately when you press on this nerve in conversation you are only met with resistance and defensive replies.
    via u/s1lly_goos3
  • 24
    Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions. I also appreciate that it is something to be discussed when we are calm and chill. Will focus on this in the future.
    via u/s1lly_goos3
  • 25
    SomeKindOfOnion Mummy Consider, this is the most he's ever going to do.
    via u/SomeKindOfOnion
  • 26
    Nebula924 You are hitting on the #1 complaint in "happy" marriages. The woman does all the planning, appointments, social contact, charity work, gift purchases, etc. Man brings a paycheque and doesn't cheat and thinks he's a g-d hero. And he is shocked when a long term marriage collapses - because wife is exhausted and checked out 3 years before he noticed.
    via u/Nebula924
  • 27
    It will never get better than it is today. Why should it? Bro has it made in the shade. Think about it.
    via u/Nebula924
  • 28
    Oldgal_misspt Exactly. This is his effort now, and a lot of the comments here are suggesting more effort on OP's part when this guy does not recognize the problem when OP brings it up.
    via u/Oldgal_misspt
  • 29
    This is his effort, this is who he is. Trying to "fix up" and see "the potential" in a partner rarely turns into a long term happy relationship.
    via u/Oldgal_misspt
  • 30
    Bird Brain4101112 Please take a moment to read what you wrote. I see him as my life partner. The lack of effort or passion on his part is starting to wear on me. Those two things do not go together.
    via u/Bird_Brain4101112

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boyfriend relationship advice gym workout Female Empowerment relationships girlfriend couples health love breakup red flag healthy relationship dating
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