Mom abandons 12-year-old for new relationship, gets offended when she doesn't want to rebuild their relationship as an adult: 'She made her choice'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 27, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

One of the widely accepted big sacrifices of becoming a parent is that, at least until they grow up, a child always has to be the main priority. While having an identity outside of parenthood is important, the reality is that being a primary caregiver involves some level of sacrifice for the sake of the kids. Ignoring this is likely to have consequences.

Despite the obvious damage that is done by being an absent parent, many moms or dads who opt out of their children's lives try to reconcile after years apart. There are many different reasons why this may happen, and some are more legitimate than others; as a result, it is understandable that the way kids react to this can vary wildly. If their parents left for reasons they see as unforgivably selfish, or it seems like they want something from them, they can understandably be a lot more wary.

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my mom I don’t forgive her for choosing her boyfriend over me when I was a kid?

    When I was 12, my mom started dating a guy who clearly didn't like me. He was always cold, made snide comments, and treated me like I was in the way. I told my mom how uncomfortable I felt, but she always defended him and told me I was exaggerating. Eventually, she stopped picking me up from school if it interfered with his plans. I spent a lot of nights at my aunt's house just to avoid being home.
    via Ok-Cold-6129
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10522259968
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is how one former abandoned child felt when their mom tried to invite herself back into their life after choosing her new partner over her child when they were 12. She reached out to them after years without speaking.

    She was told that she wasn't forgiven, and she didn't take to that kindly, ruffling some feathers within the wider family. The former kid wanted to know if they had taken things too far.

  • 03
    By the time I was 15, I moved in with my dad full-time. My mom barely called or checked in. She married the guy a year later. I wasn't invited to the wedding. I didn't even know it happened until a cousin mentioned it. I stopped trying after that. We went years without speaking, until recently when she reached out saying she wants to rebuild things.
    via Ok-Cold-6129
  • 04
    We met for coffee, and she started talking like we were just going to pick up where we left off. I told her I can be polite, but I don't forgive her. I said she made her choice back then and it wasn't me. She started crying and said I was being unfair. She said she was trying her best. I said maybe, but your best hurt me. Now she says I'm cold and holding onto the past, and some relatives agree. But I don't feel like she ever took real responsibility. So am I the asshole for not letting it go Ai
    via Ok-Cold-6129
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10522261504
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Commenters sided firmly against the mom.

    NTA tinymi3 she failed you, not the other way around. imagine telling your child that it's unfair to hold your total abandonment of them against you. IT SHOULD BE HELD AGAINST YOU i can't even breathe, the audacity
    via tinymi3
  • 07
    Ok-Cold-6129 OP Exactly. That's what hit me the most. She failed me, and now somehow I'm the bad guy for not pretending like everything's fine? Imagine telling your kid they're wrong for remembering the hurt you caused.
    via Ok-Cold-6129
  • 08
    tinymi3 it's like when small children hide their eyes and think they can't be seen. idk what kind of problems your bio mom has, but they're not your problems. if she had come to you with a genuine apology, accepting responsibility, proof of a complete and consistent change in character, an offer to rebuild things slowly on your terms - then I would have said hey maybe she deserves a shot. but this? this is not change. this is not different from the woman who betrayed a vulnerable child all those
    via tinymi3
  • 09
    No-Dig2920 What is wrong with your mom? Tf? Nta
    via No-Dig2920
  • 10
    AnimaUrfii Seriously! Like how do you ignore your kid for years and then act surprised when they're not over it? NTA a hundred times over OP's mom needs a serious reality check.
    via AnimaUrfii
  • 11
    CRK_76 NTA. Your mom is a terrible parent and a terrible person. She has to live with the consequences of her actions. You have overcome an abusive childhood. Good for you.
    via CRK_76
  • 12
    MoonaQueeen Exactly. People act like time erases what actually happened but it doesn't. OP isn't being cruel, they're protecting themselves. Healing doesn't mean pretending it didn't hurt. And you're right it takes strength to survive that kind of childhood and still stand your ground. Major respect to OP.
    via MoonaQueeen
  • 13
    microgiant Tell her you know she was doing her best, and that's the problem. If you thought she would be able to do better in the future, you might be open to reconciling. But you believe her- that truly was her best, and it wasn't nearly good enough, so there's no point in going forward with a relationship. NTA.
    via microgiant
  • 14
    SpikedScarf NTA - Idk how old you are but have you seen a 12-year-old recently? Look at a 12-year-old and can you genuinely imagine abandoning them? The problem was never her partner, it was her. She never put any measures in place to protect you, she never listened to you when you tried to talk to her, and she left you when you looked up to her the most. The actual audacity for her to act like you're being cold is crazy because nothing you've said or done is as cold as what she did. No offence
    via SpikedScarf
  • 15
    ΝΤΑ Maleficent_Resort386 Why go through this? She hasn't been in your life for years, why want to reconcile or even be around her? She's not worth the drama that one conversation has been brought into your life. I don't see the point in allowing people back into your life that's not there already, it's pointless.
    via Maleficent_Resort386
  • 16
    GoldCute450 NTA. It's not cold to set boundaries after being hurt. She chose him over you then and seems to want a pass now. You deserve an apology, not a coffee catch-up.
    via GoldCute450
  • 17
    Ok-Listen-8519 NTA she let her husband bullied you & now she's probably getting a divorce and regret it
    via Ok-Listen-8519
  • 18
    NTA Cataine I had a similar childhood - Multiple times I went years without talking to her only to break down and give her another chance.. I regret every chance I gave her because each time she betrayed my trust or showed me how little my well being meant to her. I've been NC for about 10 years (I'm in my 50s); her siblings have passed away and she finds herself very alone - NC is still the best choice for me
    via Cataine
  • 19
    No_Cockroach4248 NTA, your mom has not changed, she is just as selfish. Back then it was choosing her boyfriend because it was in her best interests. She now wants to pick up a relationship with you because she likely wants something from you or it fits/improves her life/lifestyle. This is not about letting it go, it is about not wanting to be treated like a placeholder, to be picked when your mom decides it works for her.
    via No_Cockroach4248
  • 20
    FeedsBlackBats Trying her best for who? Because it certainly wasn't for you. You do what you need to do for your own mental wellbeing hun, if that means remaining no contact with her then so be it. She can't expect to abandon you, & then show back up when it suits her, as if you should be ok with that. NTA
    via FeedsBlackBats
  • 21
    SnooCats8451 Trying her best is complete bullshit....your "mom” failed as a parent....let the whole world know what a piss poor excuse of a parent she is....i hope your dad sued for back pay child support or anything to make their lives completely miserable
    via SnooCats8451
  • 22
    NTA. tauntology You should not feel pressured to do that, nor should you feel pressured to forgive her. She essentially abandoned you during some of your most vulnerable years. But, you can still have a relationship with her. Even if you don't forgive her and even if she doesn't take full accountability. That is up to you, and only you.
    via tauntology
  • 23
    Heraonolympia123 You have every right to hold on to the past. I'd put it right in my little invisible bag and carry it everywhere. Because you should't have to forgive and forget. You shouldn't have to let your mom think she did a good job or sacrificed or put you first. NTA
    via Heraonolympia123
  • 24
    Avalon_Angel525 I'll never understand how or why a parent would abandon their child for a partner. I understand even less why they think they should be automatically forgiven and welcomed back with open arms. Delusional.
    via Avalon_Angel525

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