31-year-old pregnant woman refuses to allow mother-in-law in the delivery room during birth, feels reluctant to tell husband that she prefers her in the waiting room: 'We've just never been close, I'm surprised my husband wants her there too'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jul 1, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

No matter how many What to Expect When You're Expecting books are out there, there's no single "correct" way to go through pregnancy. Everyone's experience is different. As a pregnant woman, you have very little control over what's happening inside your body, so naturally, you focus on what you can control externally, to make the journey as peaceful and comfortable as possible.

So many questions pop up throughout pregnancy, such as: What are the best vitamins to take? How do I tell my husband there's no way we're naming our daughter Tony Jr.? Who should be in the delivery room with us when the baby arrives?

Now, that last one always seems a little tricky… Ideally, we want our partners there. And if we're lucky enough to have our mothers present, that can be amazing too. However, for some women, the idea of having their mother-in-law in the delivery room doesn't always feel necessary, or in many cases, comfortable.

So, how does one go about telling their husband or partner that their mother's presence might only add stress to the delivery and that there's a perfectly good seat reserved for her in the waiting room?

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  • This is the case for the pregnant couple below. The wife feels that both her and her husband's relationship with his mother is often inconsistent and lacks the closeness that would make her want to share their delivery experience: a time that is deeply vulnerable and intimate. She’s not saying his mother can’t be at the hospital awaiting the baby’s arrival, but she feels that her own need for support during labor is more essential than her husband's.

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    "I feel like my husband thinks that because my mom is there, his mom should be there."
    via africa-images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not wanting mother in law in delivery room

    I (31) am married to my husband (33). I am 27 weeks pregnant with our first baby boy. I am allowed to have 3 people in the delivery
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    room. I was hoping to just have my mom and my husband, but my husband said he would really like his mom to be there too. I
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    dont dislike his mom, we have just had our battles before. It was mainly just her adjusting to us being married and she wasnt
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    priority anymore. She has somewhat gotten better, but I am still not very close with her. My mom, on the other hand, can
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    not stand my husband's mom. I cant blame her though. During our wedding, his mom was saying some not so nice things about my
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    family, and my mom over heard her. Im surprised my mom didnt say anything to her right then and there but it was our wedding and
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    she didnt want to cause a scene. I know for a fact that my mom wouldn't be happy with her being there. To be honest, I dont feel
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    comfortable with her being there either. We just have never been close and im surprised my husband wants her there too. The
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    relationship my husband has had with mother has been strained. Its either really good or really bad. I feel like because it's good for the time being, he wants her there.
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    Cheezburger Image 10523181056
    via Batoni

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I feel like my husband thinks because my mom is there, his mom should be there. He doesn't understand that its different for
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    the one actually having the baby. Its not the same for a mother's son's first baby as it is a mother's daughter's first baby because of
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    the birth, in my opinion at least. I guess what I am asking is, am I wrong to tell him no to his mom being in the delivery room? I have
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    no issue with her being in the waiting room, but I dont feel close enough to her for her to be in the actual delivery room.
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
  • 16
    gastropodia42 NTA He can have his mom when he gives birth. You are the patient, you decide.
    via gastropodia42
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    Careful Wishbone_166 OP I think I'm going to tell him that. Thank you
    via Careful_Wishbone_166
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    Impressive_Flan3935 I dont even want my MIL in the same country
    via Impressive_Flan3935
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    Dark Huntress6387 This is a medical event not a spectator sport. You are delivering a human being out of your body. The only person who should get any opinion in
    via Dark_Huntress6387
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    MalinaSnap You're the one giving birth, not hosting a family reunion. Tell your husband it's about your comfort, not keeping things "even" for both sides.
    via MalinaSnap
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    Sorryallthetime NTA. am male. I was present for the birth of my daughter. My wife dictated who was in the room and I had no say. As it should be - she is giving birth anyone present is there for her emotional support not mine.
    via Sorryallthetime
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    Low-Programmer-7447 NTA. You don't need that stress. Tell him no.
    via Low-Programmer-7447
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    SmoochNo NTA this is your medical event. You decide who is there for your support. Your husband is there for your support, not to have support for himself.
    via SmoochNo

Tags

family drama baby pregnancy drama nurse mother siblings the doctor reddit story husband happy birthday mother in law new mom birth family pregnant delivery
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