Entitled sister expects 33-year-old sibling, who is already taking care of their father multiple days a week, to fund their father's professional in-home care entirely: ‘I’m already taking on a big part-time caregiving role. I can’t cover everything’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 4, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Watching one of your parents succumb to the harsh reality of aging isn't easy. It feels backwards—they were supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around. That thought process isn't out of malintent. It just feels bizarre with the roles reversed, doesn't it? Being a parent's caregiver is difficult emotionally, mentally, and physically, but I'm sure all of you adult kiddos out there wouldn't trade that quality time and bond-building for the world. There's no better way to show a parent you love them than by being there for them when they need it most.

You might be the golden kid who puts their pride aside and takes care of the parent in need, but you probably have a sibling who expects to get off scot-free without doing so much as lifting a pinky finger to help your parent. Instead, they expect you to give your parent care, day in and day out, and pay for the ends you can't meet with the time you have to spare. That's what's going on in this next story, but the selfless kid puts their foot down and tells their sister that they cannot be doing everything—it's just not possible mentally or financially. What would you do in this situation? Scroll below to read the full story.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for refusing to take on full financial responsibility for my dad’s in-home caregiver?"

    I'm 33 and I live in the same city as my parents. My dad, who's 68, was recently diagnosed with early-stage Parkinson's. He's still
    via ricardo_swamp
  • mobile and independent for now, but my mom, who's 66, has been increasingly stressed trying to manage his daily needs like transportation, medications, and
    via ricardo_swamp
  • housekeeping. After thinking it over, I agreed to pitch in part- time as a caregiver three days a week. It's a commitment, but I love them and want to support them as their health declines.
    via ricardo_swamp
  • My sister Laura, who's 30 and lives two hours away, was supportive at first. But last week, she dropped a bombshell. She and Mom think someone should
    via ricardo_swamp
  • be paid to come in and do the job every day, at least Monday to Friday. When I explained that I already spend my weekdays and sometimes weekends driving Dad
    via ricardo_swamp
  • to appointments, Laura said I could cover day shifts. She claimed she couldn't do that and insisted I should just pay for a professional caregiver five days a week.
    via ricardo_swamp
  • I told her I didn't have the budget for 12 sessions of care each week. Professional services cost at least $20 to $25 an hour, and I'm already taking on a big part- time caregiving role. I can't cover everything.
    via ricardo_swamp
  • Laura then accused me of turning this into my solution and making Mom the one stuck with the costs. She said I was deciding Dad's care plan just because it fit
    via ricardo_swamp
  • my schedule. Mom even texted me afterward, saying I didn't need to ride her case about being logical, but then complained about not being able to get time off work to fill in the gaps.
    via ricardo_swamp
  • Cheezburger Image 10523910144
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Dad overheard some of this and got upset. He's worried about being a burden. I reassured him that the most important thing is that he's cared for, and I want to be part of that. Still, it's not realistic or healthy for just one person to take on everything.
    via ricardo_swamp
  • Meanwhile, Laura and Mom are planning to push Dad to hire a caregiver starting next week, and that $4,000 a month cost is going to fall on Mom alone. Mom
    via ricardo_swamp
  • asked if I could just pick up extra days until she sorts out the finances. My gut reaction was no. I want to support my parents, but I can't let them guilt me into paying for something none of us can really afford.
    via ricardo_swamp
  • Now the house feels tense. Mom's upset with me, Laura thinks I'm selfish, and Dad's feeling guilty. I don't want to abandon my family, but I also can't sacrifice my mental health or financial stability. AITA?
    via ricardo_swamp
  • Maaheso Why is your sister not offering to help cover the cost? Why is she getting to decide how to spend money she isn't helping to raise? Tell Laura that she must pay for part of the caregiver. NTA.
    via Maahes0
  • ricardo_swamp That's exactly what I've been thinking, but I wasn't sure how to say it without stirring up more drama. I'm already doing hands-on care multiple days a week, and now I'm somehow expected to pay for a professional, too? If she really thinks a full-time caregiver is necessary, then she should help cover the cost. It's just wild that she gets to sit back, dictate the plan, and then stick the bill to me or our mom while contributing nothing herself.
    via ricardo_swamp
  • TrixxySin Nope, NTA. You know, your sister certainly has a lot to say for not doing sh to help. First things first, your sister needs to sit down and stfu. She is doing nothing but stirring up drama. Second, you and your mom need to sit down.
    via TrixxySin
  • Look at what insurance will cover when it comes to care and what's FEASIBLE for everyone (including Laura, since she wants to pipe up) can do. Be it physically coming or financially. If your parents are churchgoers, reach out to them.
    via TrixxySin
  • Also, call 211. They'll help direct you to other resources you can use. You cannot do this all yourself. Be it money wise or being there. And it's unfair for any of them to expect that. You need to set realistic boundaries with your mom and stick to them. While again, telling your sister to shut all the way up since flapping her gums ain't helping no one.
    via TrixxySin
  • illnana347 NTA. You ARE taking care of your father a lot but that is sweat equity. That is that many shifts you DONT have to pay for. Don't let them guilt you into anything you can't do.
    via illnana347
  • Mysterious-Type-9096 Sooo... your sister contributes nothing but her big fat mouth?
    via Mysterious-Type-9096

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