Veteran tech employee refuses to be the default mentor for a needy new hire, Kaitlyn after being volunteered without warning: “Our manager casually said, ‘Oh, and Kaitlyn will be shadowing Clara for onboarding’’’

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  • AITA for refusing to “mentor” the new hire after my boss volunteered me without asking?

    "I told my boss I needed this to stop. I hadn't signed up to be her personal trainer"
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  • I'm 35 and I work in tech. I've been at my company for about four years. I really like my job and I'm good at it. I'm not in management, but people often come to me with questions because I know the system inside and out.
  • I've built a reputation for being helpful.
  • About a month ago, we hired someone new. Let's call her Kaitlyn. She's 23 and fresh out of college. This is her first real job, and honestly, everyone starts somewhere, right?
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  • During a team meeting, our manager casually said, "Oh, and Kaitlyn will be shadowing Clara for onboarding. She's agreed to help her get up to speed." Except... I hadn't agreed to anything. No one had asked me. It just felt like a done deal, and I was blindsided.
  • After the meeting, I shot a message to my boss, letting him know I hadn't been looped into that plan. I said I didn't mind answering the occasional question, but I really didn't have the bandwidth for full-on mentorship.
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  • He brushed it off and said, "It won't be that much. She just needs a bit of hand- holding at first."
  • Well, it turned out to be a lot more than that. Kaitlyn started messaging me constantly. I mean, basic stuff too. Things she could have found in the documentation or that were covered in orientation.
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  • When I pointed her to resources or gently suggested she try things on her own first, she'd get flustered. She would say she didn't want to mess anything up and would rather check with me. I get that, but it was becoming nonstop.
  • After two weeks, I was falling behind on my own projects because I was basically doing her job along with mine.
  • So I spoke to my boss again and told him I needed this to stop. I hadn't signed up to be her personal trainer, and it wasn't fair for me to mentor someone while juggling my own workload.
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  • He told me I was being "territorial" and "not a team player." He even hinted that this might affect my year- end review if I kept resisting team responsibilities.
  • That's when I decided to set some boundaries. I stopped replying to Kaitlyn unless it was urgent or directly related to my work.
  • I also looped in our team's onboarding specialist and HR when she messaged me about things outside my scope. I wasn't ride; I just made it clear what I could handle.
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  • Now, my boss is giving me the cold shoulder, and Kaitlyn seems to think I hate her. A couple of coworkers even said I was "too harsh” and that "it's not that hard to help someone out."
  • I feel bad because I can see she's overwhelmed, and I remember what it's like to be new. But I also don't think I should be penalized or guilted into taking on a responsibility I never agreed to.
  • Especially when I've already said no.
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