Veteran tech employee refuses to be the default mentor for a needy new hire, Kaitlyn after being volunteered without warning: “Our manager casually said, ‘Oh, and Kaitlyn will be shadowing Clara for onboarding’’’

There's a fine line between being a team player and being volunteered as the office babysitter, and, like many many other things, it's invisible to management. In the corporate jungle, helpfulness is a trap, and the reward for competence is a shiny new side gig you never applied for.

The boss casually announces that you'll be mentoring the new hire, as if "Clara's agreed" is just a minor detail, not a complete work of fiction. Suddenly, you're the onboarding committee, the help desk, and the emotional support animal, all rolled into one, with zero input and even less compensation.

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Author image for Etai Eshet Etai Eshet
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  • Kaitlyn, fresh out of college and allergic to documentation, latches on like a pop quiz you didn’t study for. Every ping is a reminder that just a bit of hand-holding is management code for good luck getting your own work done. Point her toward resources, and she panics; try to set boundaries, and you’re labeled territorial. The boss, meanwhile, is too busy polishing his teamwork speech to notice you’re drowning in someone else’s job description.

  • Now you’re the villain, Kaitlyn’s convinced you hate her, and your boss is hinting your next review might come with a side of passive aggression

  • AITA for refusing to “mentor” the new hire after my boss volunteered me without asking?

    "I told my boss I needed this to stop. I hadn't signed up to be her personal trainer"
    via halfpoint

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • I'm 35 and I work in tech. I've been at my company for about four years. I really like my job and I'm good at it. I'm not in management, but people often come to me with questions because I know the system inside and out.
    via itsMonsoon
  • I've built a reputation for being helpful.
    via itsMonsoon
  • About a month ago, we hired someone new. Let's call her Kaitlyn. She's 23 and fresh out of college. This is her first real job, and honestly, everyone starts somewhere, right?
    via itsMonsoon
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  • Cheezburger Image 10526107904
    via Comstock Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • During a team meeting, our manager casually said, "Oh, and Kaitlyn will be shadowing Clara for onboarding. She's agreed to help her get up to speed." Except... I hadn't agreed to anything. No one had asked me. It just felt like a done deal, and I was blindsided.
    via itsMonsoon
  • After the meeting, I shot a message to my boss, letting him know I hadn't been looped into that plan. I said I didn't mind answering the occasional question, but I really didn't have the bandwidth for full-on mentorship.
    via itsMonsoon
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  • Cheezburger Image 10526108160
    via DavidPereiras

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • He brushed it off and said, "It won't be that much. She just needs a bit of hand- holding at first."
    via itsMonsoon
  • Well, it turned out to be a lot more than that. Kaitlyn started messaging me constantly. I mean, basic stuff too. Things she could have found in the documentation or that were covered in orientation.
    via itsMonsoon
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  • When I pointed her to resources or gently suggested she try things on her own first, she'd get flustered. She would say she didn't want to mess anything up and would rather check with me. I get that, but it was becoming nonstop.
    via itsMonsoon
  • After two weeks, I was falling behind on my own projects because I was basically doing her job along with mine.
    via itsMonsoon
  • So I spoke to my boss again and told him I needed this to stop. I hadn't signed up to be her personal trainer, and it wasn't fair for me to mentor someone while juggling my own workload.
    via itsMonsoon
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  • He told me I was being "territorial" and "not a team player." He even hinted that this might affect my year- end review if I kept resisting team responsibilities.
    via itsMonsoon
  • That's when I decided to set some boundaries. I stopped replying to Kaitlyn unless it was urgent or directly related to my work.
    via itsMonsoon
  • I also looped in our team's onboarding specialist and HR when she messaged me about things outside my scope. I wasn't ride; I just made it clear what I could handle.
    via itsMonsoon
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  • Now, my boss is giving me the cold shoulder, and Kaitlyn seems to think I hate her. A couple of coworkers even said I was "too harsh” and that "it's not that hard to help someone out."
    via itsMonsoon
  • I feel bad because I can see she's overwhelmed, and I remember what it's like to be new. But I also don't think I should be penalized or guilted into taking on a responsibility I never agreed to.
    via itsMonsoon
  • Especially when I've already said no.
    via itsMonsoon
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management boss workplace-stories hr manager bosses work PTO managers supervisor workplace Horrible Bosses work-life balance
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