'I have zero interest in ever meeting her new husband': Estranged mom tries to use gift from her affair partner as an olive branch at son's wedding, is upset when son refuses to accept it

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 14, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

I feel like the word "boundaries" has become a buzzword of pop psychology in the last couple of years. It's all that anyone seems to talk about when it comes to navigating tricky relationships. Everyone is allowed to have boundaries and to keep everyone in their lives accountable to them. You have to respect someone's boundaries even if they don't make sense to you. 

These are all valid ways of going about a relationship. But we still seem to have trouble sticking to them when they don't work quite in our favor. It can feel like a blow to the ego when someone wants to draw a line around our relationship with them. But this isn't the truth. It's actually better for everyone if we all respect each other's boundaries; that way, we can keep things healthy and move toward more positive relationships. This is, of course, much easier said than done.

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  • 01

    AITA for declining a wedding present from my mother's new husband?

    So some quick background on the situation, my mother and I reconciled over the previous holiday season and started speaking and meeting again for the first time in six years after she had cheated on my father and my
    via u/burner187_
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    Cheezburger Image 10528428544
    via Linoleum Creative Collective

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this story, where a son held on to a sour relationship longer than his mother wanted him to. After he had already started to let her back into his life, she tried to sneak in her new husband/affair partner with her, but that didn't quite work. Read on for the story and see what happened. 

  • 03
    parents got divorced. In the 7 months since she first reached out to me via my sister, things had progressed well to the point where my wife and I felt comfortable inviting her to our wedding. The one outstanding issue/ disagreement we still have though
    via u/burner187_
  • 04
    was that I have zero interest in ever meeting her new husband Tim who was the man she was cheating on my father with. She has made several attempts to try and introduce him to me however each time I rejected it and made it clear I have zero interest in ever meeting or interacting with the
    via u/burner187_
  • 05
    man. Anyways fast forward to Monday on my wedding night and as my wife is looking through some of our wedding gifts she notices one is labeled from "Tim". Later on I approached my mother and asked if Tim got my wife and I a wedding gift and she said he had and hoped it could be somewhat
    via u/burner187_
  • 06
    of an olive branch between him and I. I thanked her and Tim for the gift but later on after checking with my wife I approached my brother and gave him the gift and told him. to drop it off at my mother and Tim's house since I wasn't going to accept it. He took it and apparently dropped it off at their
    via u/burner187_
  • 07
    house tonight. Upon seeing my brother drop the gift off, my mother called me upset that I had refused to accept Tim's present. I told her I was simply maintaining the same stance that I have had the entire time regarding Tim which is that I want nothing to do with him. So AITA for rejecting my mothers new husbands wedding present?
    via u/burner187_
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    Cheezburger Image 10528429056
    via Dan Irvine

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09

    Commenters came to his defense.

    ProfessorDistinct8... 15h ago NTA. Perfectly reasonable boundary to set with your mother's affair partner. Your mom, however, also seems problematic to me (I'm sure the gift was her suggestion), but that is your call and not the subject of your question.
    via u/ProfessorDistinct835
  • 10
    Infinite-Cat-Peep ⚫ 14h ago NTA. Tim and your mom need to accept that they've hurt people, and that there are consequences for their actions.
    via u/Infinite-Cat-Peep
  • 11
    allieadventurer 15h ago . NTA, what do they not get? Trying to force a relationship that is never going to happen.
    via u/allieadventurer
  • 12
    EPH613 15h ago • NTA. You have the right to determine who you're comfortable developing a relationship with. It's OK to not have a relationship with someone with whom your mother betrayed your family.
    via u/EPH613
  • 13
    That said, the greater offender is your mother. She's the one who had a duty to do what was best for your family, and did not.
    via u/EPH613
  • 14
    StardomGirl • 14h ago Some of y'all in the comments are me off, telling him to grow up and get over it. Wouldn't be surprised if y'all are cheaters y'allselves. NTA do what's best for you!
    via u/StardomGirl
  • 15
    saintandvillian ⚫14h ago NTA but you're likely wasting your time. Your mom obviously doesn't hold herself to boundaries, she cheated on your dad (I assume he had a boundary of faithfulness), she doesn't respect your boundary about meeting Tim (hence, her repeatedly asking you to meet him), and she is now trying to give you gifts from someone you don't want in your life.
    via u/saintandvillian
  • 16
    Your mom sounds terrible. But, to be fair to her, you keep putting up with it and you've let her back in your life so she probably thinks that you'll do the same for Tim.
    via u/saintandvillian
  • 17
    ps... 14h ago Edited 13h ago . NTA. Your boundaries are yours to keep. Your mother and Tim keep trying to overstep your boundaries. A gift? What? They thought it's ok to buy their way into the start of a meaningful relationship with you?
    via u/pseudolin
  • 18
    It doesn't negate the fact that they cheated and tbh, I don't like explaining how grandma and Tim met each other to the kids. "oh they cheated with each other when grandma was still married to grandpa"??
    via u/pseudolin
  • 19
    Just as human beings make mistakes and even in the pursuit of their own happiness, we are also entitled to enforce our own boundaries. "while I'm happy that you've found happiness with someone, i am not interested in having a relationship with that person for the sake of your convenience and lack of shame."
    via u/pseudolin
  • 20
    Routine-Buy-5001 · 13h ago • I might be in the minority - but ESH. Tim isn't the only one to blame. YOUR MOTHER was married and was just as active a participant as Tim.
    via u/Routine-Buy-5001
  • 21
    If you've forgiven her, why not him? Does he have a bigger role in the affair than her? Tim and your mom s k for having an affair, you sok for where your placing blame and holding grudes.
    via u/Routine-Buy-5001
  • 22
    MetroSimulator 14h ago NTA, YOU are the one who chose who to forgive, you forgave your mother, not Tim, the man who hunted a married wife. Both are guilty? Sure, but they don't have the right to press you for forgiveness.
    via u/MetroSimulator
  • 23
    But tbf I think your mom doesn't respect your boundaries, she'll try to insert Tim wherever she can, even to your future kids, maybe go low contact?
    via u/MetroSimulator
  • 24
    Artistic-State-7198 13h ago No point in forgiving your mom if you had no intention of excepting the husband
    via u/Artistic-State-7198
  • 25
    sputnik_zaddy · 14h ago NTA, but misguided, for sure. The simple fact is you have not forgiven your mother, and you are using your boundary with Tim to continuously punish her for the betrayal of your father's trust and your familial bonds. What you do in this situation is entirely your choice, but you have to be honest with yourself to come to a decision.
    via u/sputnik_zaddy
  • 26
    jjme08 14h ago NTA - at some point, if your relationship with Mom strengthens, you will need to come to terms with her partner of years. But pushing. and using YOUR special moments for this is gross.
    via u/jjme08
  • 27
    bucketofuckery ⚫ 14h ago NTA with caveats - yes you have every right to set boundaries but you need to be firm with them... If the gift had been labelled from both your mother and Tim, would you have felt differently? Or was it the 'from Tim' that made you feel strange?
    via u/bucketofuckery
  • 28
    I feel for you, but if you're choosing to forgive your mother, you need to think carefully about how you proceed with her husband.
    via u/bucketofuckery
  • 29
    paintingdusk13 • 12h ago . Personally I'd have more issues with my mom than the new husband. He didn't break the vows, she did. ESH
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  • 30
    Horror-Reveal7618 14h ago • NTA You don't want any type of contact with the guy and have made it clear. Your mother has to accept it. Its part of the consequences of her cheating. She should be grateful you are making an effort to keep a relationship with her and don't force her hand.
    via u/Horror-Reveal7618
  • 31
    hellouterus • 12h ago You're NTA for not wanting a relationship with Tim, hell, I wouldn't either. However you seem to be only holding the grudge about your family breakup against him, and not your mother. If you are adult enough to 'forgive' your mother enough to invite her to your wedding, then you should be adult enough to allow Tim to... exist.
    via u/hellouterus
  • 32
    My perspective on this comes from when my longterm boyfriend cheated on me and had a child with the affair partner. I 'blamed' her, completely. It took me a long time to realise that my boyfriend was also (if not more) to blame, and until the time I had that realisation I was behaving like a child about it. Like... it's all your fault! (as in, her fault) when the truth is, it wasn't.
    via u/hellouterus
  • 33
    Either forgive your mother (and by extension, Tim), or don't. You're half-assing it right now.
    via u/hellouterus

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family drama aita gifts kids affair stepfather moms parenting wedding dad reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids wedding present Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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