21-year-old daughter lashes out at dad's new 50-year-old girlfriend for trying to parent her by calling her birthday dinner outfit inappropriate for her age: "[You] need to act your age"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 14, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

I am a staunch believer that it is virtually impossible to dress "too young" for your age. Unless you're literally walking around in a bib and bonnet, you shouldn't be catching any sort of flack for dressing out of your age-range. Sure, there are plenty of situations that an adult may find themselves in, that a child would not, that have a particular dress codes. For example, you should dress formally at a wedding or in business-casual clothes at the office. However, if you are at a beach, no one ought to bat an eye if you choose to wear a bikini with a Hello Kitty t-shirt as a cover-up, regardless of your age.

In our story today, a young woman is reprimanded by her dad's girlfriend over her outfit as she leaves to celebrate her birthday. The woman – barely more than a stranger – claims the clothes are not appropriate for a young woman of her age; I shudder to think what matronly attire she would prefer our protagonist don on the eve of her 21st birthday. Scroll down for more. 

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  • 01

    AITA telling my dads gf she cannot control wear

    Cheezburger Image 10529195264
    via GaudiLab

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    This all happened yesterday and I keep getting texts from my dad telling me to apologize. I, 20 F, have been home for the summer for the last two months and in that time I have stayed at my dad's, 57 M, house.
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    He recently introduced me to Clair, 50 F, about a month and a half ago and she has been over quite often. I don't really talk to
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    her when I'm home because I don't have a reason to and whenever I do she always speaks down to me or talks to me like a kid.
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    The issue started because I turn 21 in five days and have decided to throw a birthday dinner at a restaurant/bar. After getting ready for said dinner I walked out of my
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    via vientocuatrostock

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    room to leave the house and saw Clair on my way out. She proceeded to stop me and tell me I couldn't leave the house in what I was wearing, a brandy Melville Jean skirt and a
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    tube top, because it was too inappropriate and I need to act my age. I told her I was an adult and could do what I want. I also told her she was not a parent to me so her
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    via margostock from Getty Images
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    opinion didn't really matter. Please keep in mind you couldn't see any cleavage nor my midriff. After I responded to her she started
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    screaming as loud as she could that I have no class and no respect for others. I left for my dinner and came home to an empty
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    house. I can see how I could've just told her that I wasn't going to change and then left, but also I'm an adult who barely knows her. So AITA?
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  • While Clair is certainly in the wrong in this situation, it is our protagonist's father that deserves the most scrutiny. He should not allow this woman, who is practically a stranger to his daughter, talk to her like that!

  • 13
    flumpf NTA. You're right. You are an adult and can wear what you like and she has no say due to not being your parent and you old enough to make decisions for yourself.
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    Her demanding respect while screaming at you for having no respect or class is unhinged behaviour. You only met her 1.5 months ago and she thinks she can control you? What did your dad say when you told him about this?
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    Lazy-Permission-3849 OP He told me I could've been more respectful and how she already thinks I don't like her.
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    He was just going on about how she feels disrespected in her home, but it's been mine for the last 20!
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    Scorp128 How about his girlfriend being more respectful to his adult child.
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    Respect is not given, it is earned. You matched energy. If she hadn't come in hot like that, she wouldn't have gotten her feelings hurt.
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    LobstahLuva Definitely NTA. You ARE acting (and dressing) your age! This is the perfect time to explore your options and try different
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    looks. Especially for your 21sf birthday! Also, pretty b... that she thinks she can "parent" you at all after just meeting you and right in front of your actual parent!
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  • 21
    NibbleTuggy nailed it. OP, you're 21, not 12. your body, your outfit, your rules. Clair just met you and is already trying to control you? Nah, you were right to stand your ground.
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  • 22
    tanyuuuhh NTA. you're an adult, she's not your parent, and your outfit wasn't inappropriate. didn't realize turning 21 came with a dress code approved by your dad's gf
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    SproutCrisp You nailed it. OP's an adult and doesn't need a stranger enforcing some made up rulebook. That outfit critique sounded more like control than concern.
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  • Clair just wanted to feel relevant; unfortunately, she chose the worst way possible. 

  • 24
    Nta emryldmyst She needs to stay in her lane
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  • 25
    theshygirlnextdoor29 NTA but whats up with the reaction of the girlfriend. Do you guys often argue?
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    Lazy-Permission-3849 OP We have only really bickered before and that was because she told me I would never find a husband if i chose to get my degree over date
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    via Photodjo from Getty Images
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    Quiet-Patient 5458 NTA at all. You're a grown woman who can wear what she wants. This woman isn't a mother nor a mother figure to you for her to behave/respond in that manner.
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  • 29
    Goidelica NTA you have a Dad problem if he doesn't sort her out sharpish. That's absolutely crazy behaviour from her, every part of it. It was a
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    clear attempt to put you in your place and assert dominance. The act of a jealous woman who should not be trusted. Talk to your Dad.
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Tags

boyfriend relationship advice family drama entitled parents fatherhood relationships parenting girlfriend dad love family red flag daughter Parenting Fail parents
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