Aunt declines offer from teenage niece to make her a dress for important an work event, mom calls her superficial for refusing to wear design by an amateur seamstress: "Sometimes it looks good, sometimes it doesn't"

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    AITA not letting my niece sew dress big career moment because she doesn't do good job?

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    I love my niece, and I support her creative expression. I've told her that she could make me a dress for running around the house, running errands, hanging out, etc. I'm happy to wear
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    something she's made at times where it's appropriate. I've worn the acrylic scarf she crocheted me for a few years now and it's not because it looks good.
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    She uses youtube and tiktok tutorials, so she doesn't know how to work off patterns, make tailoring adjustments, choose the right fabric, etc.
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    On tiktok and other social media spaces the "cool" thing to do is announce that you made your garment from a ratty thrifted sheet using an old pair of shorts you had lying around. Sometimes it looks good,
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    sometimes it doesn't. But she doesn't take the time to do things like pressing or finishing steams, trimming or sewing in ends, etc. When I've suggested it to her, she said it's more authentic the way she does it.
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    She begged me to do an outfit for an event I have coming up where I'll be on stage. I tried to let her down gently and said that I had a dress being tailored as we speak. She said I could wear that one
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    to something else, but that I should wear something she made because it would be special and a bonding experience for us. Everyone in my family is obsessed with "bonding experiences." Everything
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    has to be a bonding experience between the adults and kids. It's exhausting. I reiterated my no, saying. "No, I do not want you to make me anything."
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    Her mom (my sister in law) is telling me that I care way too much about my appearance and my image. This is an event related to my career. The last thing I
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    need to do is walk up on stage in something that doesn't fit, or looks like it was made with a sheet. And especially because I am plus sized, how I look is judged more harshly.
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    SIL complaining about me being superficial is not new. I dared to buy ONE designer bag for myself and she did the whole thing you see on Reels, the
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    whole "STUPID! I would just thrift a bag and put the rest of my money IN the bag!" bit. I was briefly engaged and she would not shut up about how I supposedly wanted a wedding, not a marriage
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    because I dared to want to pick out my own decor and not just use whatever she could scrounge up on Marketplace or get for sale at the craft store.
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    My career is the most important thing in the world to me right now. Obviously for my SIL, her child is the most important thing in the world to her. But am I correct to put my career ahead of her child's feelings, or do my values automatically make me the a hole?
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    matoiryu NTA. Your sister is giving major "I would let my kid sing to an airplane full of people" energy here.
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    OK-CANACHK "...telling me that I care way too much about my appearance and my image...." So, is this her actually acknowledging her kid's work looks like sh or what?
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    Neat-Illustrator7303 Also.... "Yes, on stage for my career, I do care about my appearance and image" like why is that a bad thing
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    Midwest Normal Exactly! OP's professional image contributes directly to her compensation. Where there's money involved there's no room for "bonding."
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    HorseFeathersFur You need to learn a new term: "Information diet." Actually, two: "gray rock method."
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    Don't give these people any information and they'll have nothing to harangue you about. And when they do, just say uh huh or okay cheerily and walk away. Learn how to facilitate both of your new terms and make them your skill set.
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    Accomplished Two7047 NTA. I've been a professional seamstress. Those finishing steps are crucial. Niece does not snip her threads, does not press her seams flat, and probably does no altering after the garment is made, all of which are necessary to ensure a good fit and a clean look.
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    Also. If she is not researching fabric types and the way they drape she will never be able to make a professional looking garment. And it's okay if that's her goal. But people are seeing through fast fashion and thriftcore made clothing now. No one will
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    pay your niece for POORLY MADE and homemade looking clothing. The homemade look is fine but you have GOT to care about the details still if you want to make anything sale worthy. If she sews for fun it's fine. If she has a passion she wants to pursue she NEEDS to do those steps she's skipping.
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    Tell niece if she wants to try making a gown you'd gladly model it for her TikTok, but that you don't want to put the weight of this event on your nieces shoulders. If she has never attempted a formal look before now is NOT the time for a first try.
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    It's like if you needed a wedding cake. Sure, anyone can make a cake. But for a big event people are pickier, and invest more money and time to ensure it's exactly what they want.

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