Roommate wants girlfriend of 2 months to move into 2-bedroom and pay $0 extra rent, doesn't understand why roommate refuses: 'I don't think it's fair for me to subsidize her living here'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 15, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Having roommates can be a tough dynamic. You have to learn how to share a space respectfully. Sure, you may have shared a space with family members growing up, but living with a non-family member is different. They might have different needs and expectations when it comes to their living situation. Maybe they require a little more privacy than you're used to giving. Maybe they don't mind a little mess in the shared space. Maybe they really do mind. 

Maybe they love having people over, and maybe they need at least 24 hours' notice before anyone else comes into the space. These are all things that you have to negotiate together. When I was in college, the RA of my dorm made all roommate pairs sign a contract at the beginning of the year so that they could refer back to it if they ever had a dispute. Though I thankfully never had to use it, this was a pretty good idea.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to let my roommate's girlfriend move into our apartment without paying rent?

    So, I 25 years old live in a 2- bedroom apartment with my roommate, Jake 26. We've been friends since college and split rent, utilities, and chores evenly. Our lease is month-to-month, and we've always had bills get paid, place stays clean, no drama. About
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  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10529814528
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The folks in this story could have benefited from that kind of agreement. After one of them quickly got into a fast-moving relationship, they wanted to fast-track living together. The problem arose, though, when they weren't willing to put their money where their mouth was. And when it came to finances, their wires were more than crossed. Read on to see what happened.

  • 03
    two months ago, Jake started dating Sarah 24, and she's been spending a lot of time at our place. Like, a lot. She's here 5-6 nights a week, uses our kitchen, bathroom, Netflix, you name it. I didn't mind at first because she's nice enough, and I figured it was just the honeymoon phase. Last week,
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  • 04
    Jake sat me down and said Sarah's lease is ending soon, and he wants her to move in with us. I was caught off guard but asked how we'd handle rent and bills. He said Sarah's between jobs and can't afford to chip in right now, but she'd "help out with chores"
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  • 05
    really?. I pointed out that we already split chores evenly, and adding a third person means more mess, more utilities, and more strain on our small space. I suggested Sarah pay a third of the rent and utilities once she's employed, but Jake got defensive and said I was being petty and unsupportive, He argued that since she's his girlfriend, it's not like she's a stranger, and I should be cool with it because we're all friends here.
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  • 06
    Here's my side: I get that Sarah's in a tough spot, and I don't want to seem heartless. I've been unemployed before, and it s ks. But our apartment is tiny shared bathroom, small kitchen, thin walls. Having a third person full- time would change the vibe, and I
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  • 07
    don't think it's fair for me to subsidize her living here. I pay $800/month for my half of the rent, plus utilities, and I budget carefully. If Sarah moves in without contributing, I'm essentially covering part of her costs, which doesn't sit right with me. I also feel like Jake's dismissing my concerns
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  • 08
    by framing it as me being unfriendly rather than practical. Jake's side, as he explained it: He says Sarah's only temporarily jobless and will make it up later. He thinks I'm overreacting because she's not some random tenant but his girlfriend, and I should trust she won't mooch forever. He also
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  • 09
    said I'm making a big deal out of nothing since she's already here most of the time anyway. He pointed out that she's cooked dinner for us a couple of times, so she's contributing in her own way. The conversation ended with Jake saying I'm being unreasonable and that I'm making Sarah feel
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  • 10
    unwelcome. Now things are tense, and Sarah's been avoiding me when she's over. I don't want to ruin my friendship with Jake, but I also don't think I should have to pay for someone else to live here. AITA for putting my foot down?
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  • 11

    Commenters came to his defense.

    . CartwheelsOverClo... 3h ago NTA. Jake is welcome to support his gf by paying her share until she's employed again.
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    Cheezburger Image 10529814784
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    VironLLA 3h ago NTA, he's been dating her for two months & now he wants her to live with you guys rent- free? without even an agreement that she pay 1/3 after she find a job (honestly still too generous, she may just never get another job)? nope, that's bulls & possibly a violation of your lease to have her move in anyway
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  • 14
    muggleborn2021 · 3h ago They have been together 2 months, she's there 5 to 6 nights a week and she's ready to move in. How long has she been between jobs? How is she paying the lease that's ending with no job? NTA. It sounds like she's looking for someone else to pay her way. If your roommate wants to that's his choice but it's not your responsibility to support her.
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  • 15
    BodyArtist601 OP • 3h ago Seeing a lot of comments has made me truly realized that I should set a really good boundaries, maybe I should tell Jake to ask her to stop coming to our home for now because I can see this will keep happening if no action is taken.
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  • 16
    FruityMystery • 3h ago . NTA. If you don't hold this boundary now or come to a mutually agreed upon compromise (not just you caving to their demands) they'll only take advantage of you more and more as time goes on
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  • 17
    • opine704 3h ago NTA Sara and Jake have only been dating 2 +/- months? Oh no. This is a big fat red flag. Tell Jake that you're glad he's happy. And you support his happiness from your heart, not your wallet. It is not your responsibility to subsidize either Sara or Jake. I think you may need to find another place to live. This is going to get Ugly.
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  • 18
    A_Literal_Fruit_5369 3h ago NTA The problem is though, she's already moved in. Anyone will tell you that if she's staying 5/6 nights a week, it's essentially living there. 1 more nights won't actually change your bills that much.
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  • 19
    That being said, any flat decisions you'll now be outvoted. When they no longer want a roommate you'll be the one that needs to move out. Tell him if she stays over more than twice a week you'll consider her as living there and the rent will be divided by 3, whether he pays 2/3s or she pays 1/3, doesn't matter. But you will only by paying 1/3
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  • 20
    SnailsInYourAnus 3h ago . NTA but set firmer boundaries. Tell him she needs to stop coming over every night and that you'll understand if he wants to move out and get his own place with her but that you will NOT be subsidizing her living in any way, shape or form.
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  • 21
    BraveOpinion3289 · 3h ago I don't even need to finish reading this to tell you three people, everything gets paid three ways case closed
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  • 22
    . CheapEbb2083 · 3h ago NTA Seems like you handled it well. Good for putting your foot down.
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  • 23
    stiletto929 · 3h ago • NTA. Jake can pay 2/3 of the utilities and any other joint bills. Problem solved. Just til she is back on her feet.
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  • 24
    OptimistPrime527 • 3h ago She's sharing a room, but she's also going to be in their common space and using utilities. There has to be someone here with a better math brain than but NTA
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  • 25
    Big_Emergency_7191. 3h ago NTA. I would actually already be uncomfortable with her being there so often. You're already subsidizing her living if she's there 5-6 nights a week. I'd be willing to bet your bills have gone up in the last 2 months from what they
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  • 26
    used to be with the extra consumption. And I would also bet there's probably a clause in your lease about visitors and how long they are allowed to stay (usually 1-2 nights a week or a certain amount of nights a month. Seen both). I don't think it's in
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  • 27
    your best interest to blow this up into a huge thing right off the bat by bringing up your lease or involving your landlord though. If you and Jake are friends sit down and have an honest, chill conversation and explain it simply. "This is a small space. I am not comfortable sharing
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  • 28
    it with a 3rd person. I am also not comfortable (or cannot afford) paying part of that persons share to live here. She is your girlfriend, not mine. I am not comfortable with her the way you are" And if all else fails, tell him he's free to move out into a new place with Sarah and find a new roommate
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