‘[He] isn't my dad… I never got to meet my dad’: 17-year-old daughter tells stepdad that he isn't her real father, her mother continually tries to pressure her into having a father-daughter relationship with him

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 20, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

The reality of life is that it can turn on its head, leaving you feeling battered and scarred from the unpredictability of it all. Losing a loved one is hard. You rarely ever see it coming, and if you do, it doesn't really change anything. Dealing with grief and loss at a young age primes a person in a way; They no longer see things the way they once did, and use that grief to think critically about the world around them.

Any parent who expects their children to 'move on' from a loved one, whether they admit it that they want them to or not, is in over their head. A child shouldn't have to repress memories of their loved one to spare the feelings of who they deem a 'replacement' for said loved one. It's unethical and immoral at best.

In this next story, a teen's mother tries to help her honor her late father in any way she can. However, since she remarried, she expects her daughter to look at her second husband as a father. In a utopic world, they would all hold hands and go on a Carnival Cruise together. However, we live in a complicated world riddled with nuance, so the teen doesn't feel right viewing her stepdad as a father figure. Makes sense to me. Scroll below to read the full story.

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  • "She said as much as she misses dad she didn't ever want me to deny myself the chance to have one. And I told her I wasn't denying myself anything."
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  • "AITA for saying my mom's husband isn't my dad and saying I never got to meet my dad?"

    My dad d d when my mom was pregnant with me (17f). She told me about him growing up and we have little traditions we keep to
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  • honor him and she also named me the name he wanted for a daughter. I always spent time with my dad's family in the
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  • summer and they'd travel to see me or we'd travel to see them when we could. So even though I never got to meet him I still consider him my dad, you know?
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  • When I was 13 she introduced me to James and they got married when I was 14. To me James is my mom's husband but I guess
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  • he sees me as his daughter and he's been hurt for years that I call him James, that I never gave him a dad-like nickname or title. I
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  • didn't know about it until we went on vacation last month. My mom and James met this couple and we had dinner with their family. I
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  • was talking to their two kids who were pretty close in age to me and they asked why I called him James and wasn't he my d d and I said he's not my dad he's
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  • married to my mom. They asked what happened to my dad and I told him I never got to meet my dad because he d d while my mom was pregnant with me. We talked about other things.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But when we got back to the resort my mom pulled me into my room and asked me why I'd say that stuff at dinner. I had to ask her what she meant because I
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  • had no idea what was going on. She said James' face when I said he wasn't my dad and when I told those kids I never got to meet my
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  • dad was heartbreaking. She told me he's been waiting for me to acknowledge him as the dad in my life and I never do. I told her he's not though. She said I might
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  • have been 13 when I met him but it shouldn't stop me from letting him be the dad who gets to be here for everything. She said as much as she misses dad she
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  • didn't ever want me to deny myself the chance to have one. And I told her I wasn't denying myself anything. Mom got frustrated and left.
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  • Then after we got back from vacation mom and James pulled me into a meeting and James told me how much he'd love to be
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  • more to me than James and how hurtful it was to be rejected as dad even to strangers who could've easily been led to believe that he was my dad. They
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  • said I don't need to always say he's not or that my dad d d. I told him I was sorry that my words hurt his feelings and my
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  • mom said that wasn't a good apology and that it didn't sound like I was sorry I said those things. I said no, because James isn't my dad and I never got to meet dad.
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  • Ever since that afternoon mom's talked to me about it 5 different times and James mopes whenever I'm around. Mom said it really is hurtful to him. AITA?
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  • sfrancisch5842 NTA. At the end of the day, he is not Your father. Period. You met him when you were 13. Old enough to know that he's not your father. And he didn't really play a fatherly role in your life. He married your mom. He had no part in you. That's a stepdad. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. As adults... your mom is failing you.
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  • Practical-Bird633 This. If he had gotten with the mom when OP was 1-3 years old i could see why he would be hurt (because at that point he would have been raising her for over 15 years and a much more significant impact on her life) but he has only been around a few years. Not calling him dad is incredibly valid.
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  • Public-Ad-9827 For 13 years you and your mom both celebrated your father as your father. You've only known James for 4 years. Just because he's present doesn't automatically make him your dad. He may care for you like a dad, but if you don't feel that he's your dad, there's no amount of pushing and guilt that's going to make you change your feelings. On the contrary, all they're doing is
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  • pushing you away from both of them. You are going to start, if you haven't already, resenting James' insistence. Your mother also needs to realize that resentment is going to spread to her as well. Unfortunately I see this as a long-term battle for you. If you get married, there's going to be insistance that James be father of the Bride. If you have children there's going to be insistence that James be Grandpa.
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  • You might want to remind your mother that you have less than a year before you are 18. Does she want to put a wall up for the future? NTA
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  • Overall-Shoulder-227 That's going to be so awkward if they think James is going to walk me down the aisle if I ever get married. He's not even a consideration for people I'd maybe ask, if I even walked with someone else.
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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement reddit story family feud parenting stepdaughter dad entitled family stepdad reddit thread parent Reddit mom Parenting Fail parents entitled people Father Parenting FAILS
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