'This set off a domino effect': Mom bans kids from bringing their expensive toys over step-sibling jealousy, so they choose to live with dad who respects their boundaries

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  • "AITA for not making my kids share their things with their half-siblings and “forcing” my ex to move?"

    I (45M) have two kids with my ex-wife Mel (40F): Emmy (14F) and Travis (11M). We divorced several years ago after a pretty nasty split. I'm not a high-income guy, but I have a family trust from my grandfather that
  • provides a very comfortable lifestyle. It wasn't counted in the divorce, nor could it be touched for child support or alimony, which Mel still resents to this day. Mel never went back to work after the divorce
  • (she used to be a teacher), and I let her live rent-free in one of my parents' properties so the kids could stay close. She's since remarried and has two more kids with her new husband, but
  • money seems to still be a major issue in that household. Here's where the real issue starts..my kids have a much "nicer" life, for lack of a better term. They go to private school, get
  • good gifts (recently, a Switch 2, lacrosse gear, and a new MacBook), and take vacations with me and my family. Their half- siblings don't get the same, and it's led to a lot. of jealousy and fighting.
  • My kids refused to share their stuff with their half- siblings anymore because things have been broken in the past, like a PS4 that mysteriously stopped working after a visit. They don't want their stuff ruined, and honestly, I don't blame them.
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  • Apparently, this caused yet another meltdown between Mel and her husband, and now she's banned the kids from bringing their gifts to her house at all. So now they're staying with me more, because
  • why would they want to go somewhere they can't enjoy the things they own? This set off a domino effect. Mel is now filing for child support (which, again, she's allowed to
  • do), and in response to everything, my parents told her she'll need to start paying rent in September. She's now claiming she can't afford it and that we're "forcing her to move out of state" even though she can't take the kids with her. It's
  • turning into a full-blown meltdown. But here's the thing, and I know this is harsh, at some point, she and her
  • turning into a full-blown meltdown. But here's the thing, and I know this is harsh, at some point, she and her husband need to get it together and stop blaming me and my kids for their lack of resources.
  • Life isn't always fair. Our kids have different opportunities, and that's not my responsibility to "balance out." I'm not going to tell my kids they have to share everything just so their halfsiblings don't feel bad. That's not how the world works.
  • I could help more, sure, but why should I keep picking up the slack because she and her husband can't provide? I already let her live rent- free for years. I don't think I owe more than that.
  • That said, maybe I'm being too blunt or dismissive. AITA?
  • No_Cockroach4248 Your ex has not gone back to work, remarried and her new husband and kids live rent free along with your kids, in a property owned by your parents. Your ex wants
  • you to subsidise her and her new kids. NTA, but you should go to court for majority custody, the environment at your ex's is toxic.
  • No-BS4me The rarefied atmosphere where OP's ex resides has apparently caused oxygen deprivation. If
  • she wants more for her other two children, she needs to step up and find a job to pay for it. Not OP's circus, not OP's monkeys. NTA
  • Consistent_Hour9978 You need to go to court and get custody of your children, their living situation with their mother is toxic and not good for them.
  • You have done more than enough for your ex, by allowing her to live rent- free in one of your parents' properties. If she goes to court I don't think they will do too much because you are contributing by letting her live in the rent-free
  • property, but it would be a good time for you to try and get custody.
  • kswilson68 My son's step-siblings have managed to "it just stopped working" 3 android tablets, a Gameboy, an X-box, and I can't remember how many RC cars.... and
  • those kids had the latest version of Xbox, Nintendo, I-pads, etc. I just stopped letting him take his stuff over there because I couldn't afford to replace them. The
  • rules there were "the kids have to share" so if my kid's stuff wasn't there it couldn't be community property.
  • Any-Sun6434 NTA. Wow, your ex is super entitled as is her husband. Where do they get the idea that you need to take care of his kids? That is simply
  • ignorant of them. Maybe you will get lucky, they will move out of state and you don't have to deal with them...and if your kids are predominately with you, she is going to get a decrease in child support not an increase.

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