'I want to work, keep my head down, and go home': Pushy coworker gets reported to HR after a reserved new employee protects their privacy

At the end of the day, your coworkers are just your coworkers, but this colleague was flabbergasted when their newest hire wouldn't share information about their private life. Not everyone is an open book, Karen, and most of your coworkers aren't actually your friends outside of the workplace.

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Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer Jesse Kessenheimer
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  • It's rare to have a coworker transcend relational barriers in your life. Unless you're like the cheating CEO at that Coldplay concert, odds are, you may go your whole working life and never see your coworkers outside of the workplace. When you do, it can be a little unsettling. Like watching a dog walk on their hind legs, it's just not natural. 

    So when this employee first started their new office job, they had no intention of making friends. While they were cordial and professional in the office, that certainly didn't warrant sharing the news of their imminent nuptials with a dang-near-stranger. And this is why the pushy colleague in this next story got a write-up from HR, because they couldn't comprehend that a coworker would try to maintain a boundary between their work life and their personal life.

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    via JackF

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • AITAH for getting married without telling my coworkers? I started at my current workplace a few months ago. Over these months, a coworker of mine kept asking personal questions. I never answered them at all and simply continued on with work or talking about work if required. I recently
    via PatternHonest8788
  • got married and she somehow found out. I don't wear a ring and gave no sign at work that I got married. She confronted me about it. She said that she was upset because she wanted to congratulate me and that other coworkers would have
    via PatternHonest8788
  • gladly given me a small celebration. I didn't say anything to it. I reported her to HR and she was warned. My coworkers say I escalated too far, but I want to work, keep my head down, and go home. Is that too much to ask?
    via PatternHonest8788
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  • 70plus Mom⚫ I got a new job 4 months after my husband died- couldn't stand being seen as the mourning widow. I told my boss. She said no problem, tell people when you want. If you need time, let me know. Didn't tell anyone for 5 months. Worked for me. You do you.
    via 70plusMom
  • Neptune High09er ⚫ I know I'm in the minority, but NTA. Your coworker did a few things wrong: 1. She kept asking you personal questions despite your unwillingness to answer them, 2. She dug into your personal life somehow, and 3. She confronted
    via NeptuneHigh09er
  • you. She could have kept the information to herself knowing that you chose not to disclose it, she could could have say, "OP, I heard you were recently married, congrats." But she confronted you.
    via NeptuneHigh09er
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  • By going to HR, you made it clear that you didn't want to discuss your personal life with her. In my opinion, you had already done that with your silence and redirection, but it wasn't enough. I highly doubt she'll be in any real trouble over it unless she continues to press you for info. If she does that then she'll deserve it.
    via NeptuneHigh09er
  • smalltimemom A few things I think people are missing: You are in no way obligated to mix your work life with your personal life. It is well within everyone's rights to keep the two separate especially where sanity is concerned.
    via smalltimemom
  • Never once did you engage in personal conversation with the coworker or give any hint that you wanted to talk about anything other than work. Your doing that, sent HER on a deep dive of your personal life. Something that she was never
    via smalltimemom
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  • entitled to. With the information that she found, she not only confronted you, but told other coworkers as well. Hence the small party they would've thrown. THAT is triggering for someone who has worked hard to keep their work and personal life separated.
    via smalltimemom
  • Other coworkers told you that you went too far by going to HR... That means after the infraction SHE went around and told everyone that you made a complaint. HR certainly didn't make an announcement to everyone!
    via smalltimemom
  • For some reason, there are a ton of people who think boundaries are optional and take offense when you call them out on crossing them. This could very well be an HR issue on any given day because how and why do you know that I got married? Why
    via smalltimemom
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  • did you think it was ok to confront me about my marriage that I didn't tell you or anyone else in this office about? Besides a coworker, who do you think you are tbag you're entitled to my personal life? YNTA
    via smalltimemom
  • Hopefully your coworkers have learned that your personal life is a hard limit. People have gone to HR for far less.
    via smalltimemom

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