Mom invites 31-year-old son's ex-girlfriend to family vacation, he tells new girlfriend to be the bigger person when she expresses discomfort: "His mom thinks of Sarah like a daughter"

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  • 01

    His mom still treats his ex like family, now she's coming on our beach trip and I'm expected to just smile through it?

    "She already picked who she wanted for her son, and I'm not it"
  • 02
    I'm (29F) and have been dating my boyfriend (31) for almost two years now. we've had our ups and downs
  • 03
    like anyone, but overall things are good... until his mom gets involved. she still treats his ex like she's part of the family. I'm not talking about polite
  • 04
    interactions, they're close. like birthday brunches, texting each other weekly, sending each other just because gifts kind of close.
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    Cheezburger Image 10532094208
  • 06
    at first, I tried to be chill about it. I figured she'd move on eventually once she got to know me. I've done everything to build a relationship with
  • 07
    her, brought wine to dinners, helped clean up, even watched that awful show she loves just so we could talk about something. and still, nothing.
  • 08
    she tolerates me, but you can tell she's just... not interested. she already picked who she wanted for her son, and I'm not it.
  • 09
    so now we're planning this beach trip with his family, and out of nowhere, his mom tells me the ex is coming.
  • 10
    just casually. no warning and no discussion, just said she's joining us too! like it's completely normal.
  • 11
    I asked my boyfriend what was going on and he just shrugged. he said it's not a big deal and that his mom thinks of Sarah like a daughter. that
  • 12
    I'm making it weird. I told him this feels disrespectful. I'm being asked to play happy beach girlfriend while his mom and his ex build sandcastles
  • 13
    and make inside jokes. he told me to be the bigger person.
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  • 15
    I've done everything I can to be part of this family and now I'm supposed to play nice while they parade the ex around like she's still in the picture?
  • 16
    this isn't some casual we're all friends. it feels intentional. she's trying to edge me out without saying it out loud.
  • 17
    I've considered not going, but then I look like the insecure girlfriend who can't handle herself. If I do go, I have to either fake a smile or risk blowing
  • 18
    up and looking petty. it's a lose-lose. and my boyfriend? he's just coasting through this like it's not his issue.
  • 19
    would love to hear from anyone who's been in a similar situation. am I wrong for feeling like this is crossing a line?
  • 20
    WifeofBath1984 Your boyfriend does not have your back. If you stay with this guy, this will be your future. It's easier to blame MIL, sure. But he's the one who can
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  • 22
    and should be putting his foot down about this. Instead he's making it out like you're being unreasonable. I'm sure he'd be totally fine with an ex of yours accompanying you on vacation/s
  • 23
    rylan-sark OP I'm realizing more and more that maybe it's not just the mom, it's how he handles her. or doesn't.
  • 24
    TheLastWord63 Invite one of your exes to go with you.
  • 25
    darthbb When someone tells you to "be the bigger person", it usually means be the doormat.
  • 26
    ThomasEdmund84 Yeah good point - being asked to be the bigger person is pretty messed up thing its like you're basically admitting the situation is messed up for them but you'd prefer they didn't speak up about it
  • 27
    BentBent12 I wouldn't go and would ditch the boyfriend. Beyond disrespectful.
  • 28
    Foreign_Fall_8266 Just let her have him. He doesn't have your back and this will be the norm going forward.

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