36-year-old woman refuses to cancel holiday getaway with 41-year-old boyfriend despite him lacking the funds, he refuses to let her treat him: "He says I make him feel small"

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 25, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. The cruxes of gender norms go back generations. It's only until very, very recently in history that people have really looked at the downsides of these norms, for both men and women. Women's issues is more than obvious - a lack of rights socially, financially, and in the workplace, an overwhelming social pressure to be beautiful as if our existence depends on it, and the expectation to be a mother and nurturer first and foremost, just to name a few. For men it's less obvious. They're been at the top of the patriarchy without question, but this status does have negative consequences as well. There's a certain toxicity to the expectation that men should be always so strong, always smart, achieved, and always be "the man." 
 

These stereotypes can affect a relationship. In all of us, there exists feminine qualities and masculine qualities, and both need to be embraced. If your lady makes more money than you do, either embrace it, or work harder to make more money. Don't blame her for your insecurities.

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  • 01

    Am I the AH for not canceling a holiday and paying it for my partner and myself?

    "What you did was wrong"
    via Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    In January I (36f) booked a small holiday together with my partner (41m). Everything was under my name and paid for everything. He would pay me his half.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 03
    3 months later he told me he couldn't pay me back anymore and asked me to cancel. If I cancelled I would get 90% money
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 04
    back. 10% won't be refunded. I decided that I would keep the booking and gifting him his part cause we both needed to unwind a bit.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 05
    He didn't like it because it made him feeling small. That I had to care for him. He told me to just cancel it. I told him that I didn't
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 06
    want to and that it was a gift he could stay home but that I was going. But he could come with me. He told me he would come with me.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 07
    Today is the day we left for our little holiday. He did come but is screaming to me that what I did was wrong. That I made the
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10533051392
    via Nisangha from Getty Images Pro / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    choice for him. But I really didn't. I made the choice for me and invited him to come with me without costs.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 10
    I really wanted a little holiday but I regret that he's with me. He's extremely mad at me, is unkind and only says that I manipulate him to feel small and well I just wanted to relax.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 11
    Am I the a hole for not canceling? UPDATE 1: I told him we needed a long walk and talk. I won't tell the whole conservation cause it was
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 12
    about 2 hours. But basically it was this. Because I have to help him so much he feels like a failure. Well that's not my fault ofcourse but I did told him that he needed
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 13

    Am I the AH for not canceling a holiday and paying it for my partner and myself?

    PASS BOARDING PA Name of the passenger JANE DOE From CHICAGO To 11:25 ume Seat 2A LONDON Gate Seat B27 Date 15 JULY 22A Boarding time 11:25 PASS BOARDING PASS Name of the passenger JANE DOE From To CHICAGO Gate LONDON Seat 11:25 ding time 827 22A Date Boarding time 15 JULY 11:25
    via Sinenkiy from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    to do better. Yes I earn slightly more but it doesn't add up that I can save money, help him and pay my part of the bills and he can't. I did tell him that maybe he
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 15
    needed to quit smoking and d...king because he does that a lot and couldn't tell me on how much he spends on these things.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 16
    We life in the Netherlands so especially smoking is really expensive here. But yeah it made him feel that he can't do anything right.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 17
    He felt that my invite to the holiday was a slab in his face cause he again couldn't pay something himself. I told him that it wasn't fair that I had to put my life on hold cause he can't budget his money properly.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 18
    I don't think he's mad that I'm a women and he's a man or something. Its more that he feels like a failure and needs to react this to others around him.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 19
    Its sad but not my fault. I told him that I wanted therapy. He told me once again that he couldn't afford it. So if I wanted it that I needed
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 20
    to pay for it. Yeah I don't know.. I said that I wanted to enjoy my 5 day holiday and that he could leave if he was staying an a. He told me he would man up. We will see.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 21
    I did tell him that he will never control me and he promised me that he will never try that.
    via u/HelloCath89
  • 22
    roobearshousee • 18h ago NTA. But after his behaviour you should have cancelled your subscription to the man.
    via u/roobearshousee
  • 23
    This WeekInTheRe... • 18h ago Wow, what an unpleasant person he must be. NTA
    via u/ThisWeekInTheRegency

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