New wife snaps at mother-in-law when she insults daughter-in-law's attempts to fit into the family traditions, husband must get involved: “You’ll never be accepted fully if you don’t make sacrifices”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 10, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

We all want to impress our partner's parents. It doesn't matter how old we are, what culture we come from, what language we speak, it's a ubiquitous and universal feeling. I definitely had my fair share of bad experiences with my boyfriend's parents. When I was in my 20s I dated this guy who's mother just absolutely hated me. She would harp on my terrible fashion choices, my body, and even that I didn't treat her son well enough. You can guess that the relationship didn't last very long. At least now I'm happily married to a great man who comes from a great family. His mom even said that she wants all her children to find someone who looks at them the way I look at her eldest son. 
 

When you do feel like you fit into your spouse's family, there's no better feeling. It's important that everyone feels like family, and there should be a level of comfortability. Read the full story below for all the juicy details.

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  • 01

    AITAH for telling my husband’s stepmom to back off about Their traditions?

    Cheezburger Image 10527064832
    via JackF from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So here's what went down. My husband and I just got married like, not even three months ago. Everything's been mostly okay adjusting, figuring things out, the usual. But his stepmom? She's
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  • This poor woman. She really is trying her best, and it must be the worst feeling to feel like you just want to actively want something, but still not achieving it. The mother-in-law is at fault for being so harsh on her. It takes gentleness to teach someone something. 

  • 03
    been on my a nonstop about following all these family traditions. And I'm not talking cute stuff like, "We open gifts at midnight," or "We cook this dish
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  • 05
    every Sunday." No. I mean full on expectations like kneeling to elders every morning, doing this very specific weekly prayer circle, fasting on certain days even if
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  • 06
    you're sick, and don't even get me started on the wardrobe rules. She told me I "shouldn't be wearing shorts in the house because that's not how their women dress."
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  • 07
    Like... what?! I kept my mouth shut at first. I really did. I thought maybe she just needed time to warm up to me or maybe she was trying too hard to "help" me fit in.
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  • 08
    But she kept pushing. Every time I visited their house, she'd corner me. She once told me that "a real wife respects her husband's customs," and she said it in front
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  • 09
    of everyone like I was some disgrace. I felt humiliated. She kept dropping little comments like, "You'll never be accepted fully if you don't make sacrifices," and "You don't want people to think
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  • 10
    you're selfish, right?" I talked to my husband about it. He just said, "That's how she is" and brushed it off. Literally said, "Just try your best, babe. She means well." |
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  • 11
    wanted to scream. So finally, last weekend, I snapped. We were at their house and she was again telling me I should prepare the ancestral table offering by myself
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  • 12
    something I've never done, don't know how to do, and honestly, don't feel comfortable doing yet. I looked her in the eye and said, "Can you just give me time to adjust?
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  • 13
    I'm not used to these traditions, and I feel overwhelmed. Please stop pressuring me." My voice. cracked. I was shaking. She got quiet. Like de d quiet. Then she
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  • 14
    turned to my husband and said, "So this is the woman you married?" And walked out. Now his whole side of the family thinks I disrespected her. They're saying I'm selfish, that I'm ruining their
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  • 15
    family unity, that I "have no heart for culture.” And I just... I feel like I'm drowning. I'm trying. I am. But it's like nothing I do is enough unless I fully become who they
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    via jonnysek from Getty Images / Canva

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  • 17
    want me to be. I'm not even allowed to just... ease into it? So yeah, I finally stood up for myself. And now I'm the villain? AITAH?
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  • 18
    ForwardPlenty • 17h ago NTA. So just stop trying to fit in. You will never be accepted 100%, because she will always find some fault.
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  • 19
    Stop going over to her house and stop listening to her dictates. She is the one ruining family unity by insisting on her rules. You have your own culture and history, you don't have to
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  • 20
    suddenly adopt all her rules because you married into a crazy household. You and your husband need to work out what your own house
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  • 21
    rules are, and as long as you and he are happy that is all that counts. It is your MIL's loss.
    via u/ForwardPlenty

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