'He does not want to live with five cats, since he already has one': 36-year-old pawrent caught between her four rescue cats and moving in with her 40-year-old boyfriend, but she’s not ready to give up on either just yet

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Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Jul 31, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Moving in with a partner is a major step, but for this devoted cat guardian, it's coming with a serious furball of a challenge. She has four rescue cats she's deeply bonded to, and while her boyfriend, who has a cat of his own, has always been understanding, the thought of living with five felines isn't exactly his idea of domestic bliss.

The couple has had mature, thoughtful conversations, and while she knows her boyfriend would accept all four if she insisted, she doesn't want to put him in an uncomfortable living situation. It is, after all, his home too. So now she's wrestling with the idea of possibly rehoming one or two cats. Not because she wants to, but because she's trying to find a compromise that respects both her relationship and her furry family.

Still, it's not an easy decision. These cats were abandoned before and started as fosters, and their bond is strong. She's committed to them for life, which makes even considering this option feel heartbreaking. It's a real test of love, loyalty, and just how many cats one couple can cuddle under one roof.

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  • 01
    ‘I feel like if I give one or two away I will be eternally guilty'
    via sony_moon / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    To start, he is a very understanding person and knew I had four cats from the beginning. He has one cat of his own currently. We've had many civil, mature discussions about moving in together, mostly focussed on my four cats.
    via TumultuousTomato
  • 03
    Ideally, he does not want to live with five cats, since he already has one. I'm trying to compromise but I am extremely bonded to all four of mine and I would feel incredibly guilty and I'm not sure I would be able to forgive myself if I gave one away. I know cats are resilient and can adapt to new environments but I feel like I made a lifetime commitment to them.
    via TumultuousTomato
  • 04
    HOWEVER, at the same time I can see his side of things and I am not completely out of touch with reality or unrealistic. I am aware that four extra cats is a lot for anyone.
    via TumultuousTomato
  • 05
    I feel like he's going to be my forever partner, and I know if I said I wanna keep all four cats as a dealbreaker, then he would say it's okay to keep them all but I also don't want to be that person. I don't want him to live in a circumstance that he doesn't like plus it's his house to begin with.
    via TumultuousTomato
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10535980032
    via BalanceFormcreative / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    This issue has been weighing heavily on my mind, and I'm torn. My cats were also all rescue cats who had been abandoned and started off as my foster cats so our bond is especially deep, especially knowing that they have already been abandoned once before.
    via TumultuousTomato
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10535979520
    via agnormark / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    TL;DR I want to move in with my boyfriend but I have four cats and it's not the ideal situation for him; I feel like if I give one or two away I will be eternally guilty and never forgive myself for abandoning them.
    via TumultuousTomato
  • 10
    kittendollie13 I wouldn't be able to let any of them go. Can you hold off on moving in together?
    via kittendollie13

  • Letting go of any furbaby would be heartbreaking. If he’s open to keeping them all, that’s huge progress. Sounds like love (and fur) can win this one!

  • 11
    CocoRufus The fact that he's considering getting rid of an elderly cat would be an absolute dealbreaker for me
    via CocoRufus
  • 12
    CremePsychologi... Do not abandon any of those babies. Your partner has to understand that you won't have 5 cats forever. They have a limited time here with us, but you committed to caring for these cats when they were vulnerable and they see you as part of their colony family.
    via CremePsychological77
  • 13
    Artneedsmorefloof OP, are you willing to live catless for the rest of your life? I am serious here. Your boyfriend is talking about giving away his 16 year old cat, so he doesn't sound like a "for better or worse, in sickness and health" pet owner. What would happen. if one of the cats got ill, etc.
    via Artneedsmorefloof
  • 14
    You really, really need to think if you would be happy petless and then you really, really to have a detailed conversation BEFORE you two finalize moving in together about not just your current 5 cats (yours and his) but about future pets. This conversation needs to be about vet bills, food, feeding and cleaning litter boxes, hairballs and vomits.
    via Artneedsmorefloof
  • 15
    As well you need to spend more time at home with your cats and your BF needs to spend more time at your place with your cats. You need to see how he behaves with your cats over the long term and your cats need to get used to him. You should be home with your cats at least 50% of the time.
    via Artneedsmorefloof
  • 16
    You are not ready to live together. You need to understand what you need to be happy and content in your life. Compromising your happiness for another person is not a good way to have a healthy, happy relationship. Relationships. are about finding the win- wins.
    via Artneedsmorefloof
  • 17
    goldenfingernails I have some very strong feelings about this. Those cats should take priority over your guy. Full. Stop. He either takes all 5 of you, or you don't move in with him. That's the deal. If he really is the one for you, he'll make either accommodation. Don't give away any of your cats.
    via goldenfingernails

  • If it really comes down to cats vs. the boyfriend, that’s a tough call. Five cats is a lot, sure, but it’s not fair for yours to go while his stays.

  • 18
    Keb... Depending on the house/apartment 5 adult cats in a space is a lot.
    via Kebar8
  • 19
    That's 5 litters, food, water, and then having a tolerable amount of space for all the cats, my cats started fighting because a bloody new cat has started coming to the door. So even though neither of them are a problem to each other due to that change in dynamic I'm suddenly dealing with tuffs of hair being bitten out and scratches.
    via Kebar8
  • 20
    So I don't think your partner is being outrageous on the idea that 5 cats are a lot. However! Unless you know of a friend with a special bond to one of them I couldn't let any of my rescue babies go either.
    via Kebar8
  • 21
    Would he be accepting of a trial? It's impossible to consider giving up one of them, when your asked to give up on principle vs it not being the right environment for one of the cats. Would you be able to move one of the cats over now to get them used to your bf cat? Has his cats lived with any others before? Are they inside outside?
    via Kebar8
  • 22
    It would definitely make the transition towards January easier if the cats started bonding with his now
    via Kebar8

  • Maybe a trial period is the purrfect compromise. Move in with all five and see how it goes. You might both adjust better than expected!

  • 23
    I_dontknowbro I mean, I'd give my life for my cat if it came to it. If someone I was in a relationship with wanted me to choose, it'd be my cat, no contest.
    via I_dontknowbro
  • 24
    I'm personally not a fan of people who get animals and then just give them up anyway, so maybe I'm biased, but I feel like holding. off on living together is an option. Or you can have a conversation about expectations for living with five cats, who's responsible for them, etc. I wish you luck.
    via I_dontknowbro

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boyfriend relationships girlfriend advice feline pawrents moving Cats dating
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