Brother-in-law insists that husband moves out of his wife's family home that he owns so her aging mother can live there: 'They don’t care if my wife stays or moves with me, they just want ME gone'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 30, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

It's wild how entitled some family members can be to your home and your space. I know many people advocate for intergenerational families living together, but that is not always enjoyable for the person named on the mortgage. If you're the stable person in the family and everyone around you is mooching off your kindness, it can get a little draining after a while. Some people are more than willing to do this, and it brings them joy to provide a place for their family to thrive for years without worrying about finances, especially for aging family members. In the United States, it's more common for an elderly family member to move into the family home of their adult children so that they can be around family and not have to live alone when they're not so incapacitated that they can't, but also not doing so well that they'd thrive by themself.

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  • 01

    WIBTA if I refuse? BIL request that I temporarily move out of my home

    My wife and I have been married for 20+ years, dating since 16. Before the age of 21 I was a degenerate. I cheated, got in trouble with the law, I was ab ive (never physical but definitely verbal), I was HORRIBLE.
    via u/Dependent_Put5099

  • The aging mother in this story had the opportunity to move back into her family home, which is now owned by her daughter and her daughter's husband, but there's a catch. Her other adult children do not want her daughter's husband to be under the same roof as her. They're saying if she moves in, he'll have to leave. 

  • 02
    This woman never left my side, not once. The day we found out she was pregnant, it's like a switch flipped in my head. Wife kept our baby against her family's wishes (they wanted nothing to do with me. I don't' blame them). Her parents and siblings basically disowned her after that. I
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 03
    completely turned my life around, married her, went back to school, got a job, had another wonderful kid, got another degree, started a business. I make sure she never needs to work a day in her life; my life now revolves around making hers easier. We just renewed our vows last year. Time
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10536157184
    via Josh Applegate

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    passed and wife has made amends with her family but they to this day do not acknowledge me (again I do not blame them).
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 06
    My wife's family lost her childhood home when she was around 13 when her parents divorced. It's been in her family for generations. Wife always wanted to own it again. Over the last decade I kept a tab on it.
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 07
    About three years ago the house went up for sale, and we bought it. Wife and I have been living there since. Kids are in college so it's just the two of us and life has been very peaceful.
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 08
    Last month, my FIL d_d. Now MIL is alone and needs a new place to stay. One of my wife's sisters never left the house or got married, and lives with and take care of MIL full time. None of wife's siblings can afford to take them in currently. Wife and I had a great idea, MIL and the sister can move into our house. It was
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 09
    their home once so it will be familiar, we have more than enough space and funds to support both of them very comfortably and I thought it was a great opportunity for me to improve my relationship with them too.
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 10
    Recently I got a call from my BIL. He liked the idea, thinks that is the best case scenario for everyone, except he has one condition: all the siblings wants ME to move out. As long as their mother is in that house, they do not want to deal with my presence whenever they want to visit their mother. They also don't
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10536155904
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    want to feel "under my roof". I was ready to say no until he said this That him and his siblings had to spend years of their growing up dealing with the fall. out of their parents "losing their oldest daughter to me". The last thing I can give her is to let their mother have her kids around peacefully in the house. In their
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 13
    defense wife's parents did become crazy strict on the rest of the siblings after wife left with me. But that was years ago. We are all in our 40s now. They don't care if my wife stays or moves with me, they just want ME gone. The family is planning to place MIL in a nursing home when her health deteriorates which we are guessing will be in a year or two.
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 14
    A
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 15
    They are not trying to claim ownership of the house, I trust my wife and her family on that, they are just that appalled by my presence and wants me to live somewhere temporarily while they take care of their mother in the last few years. On one hand I want to laugh at how ridiculous his request is. On another maybe I owe it to that family.
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 16
    UPDATE: Many thank you to everybody for the comments. I spoke to my wife about it. She shut it down. I told her how exactly I feel about it. and she called her sister, the one that's been taking care of the mom. I guess the brother is not exactly the one calling the shots in this situation. The siblings are all well
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 17
    aware of what he thinks of me but she sounded surprised that he actually asked me out right to move out. Her concern is mainly MIL's ease of living. there's not many options. Our old apartment doesn't work, it's a high rise with no parking and we have wheelchair accessible van. Plan
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 18
    now is they'll probably move in by end of next month. I will not be going anywhere. We are going to figure it out as a family. BIL can choose to not visit his mother if he feels that strongly about it.
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 19
    Unexpected sweet silver lining 1. my daughters are visiting for a whole week the first week of the move in, whenever that ends up being. I haven't had both around at the same time since Christmas. I'm a happy man!
    via u/Dependent_Put5099
  • 20
    Underdogwood Dude. The only reason that your MIL & SIL even have the OPPORTUNITY to live in that house is bc YOU BOUGHT IT. Your wife's sibs need to grow the f and realize that people CAN change over the course of 30 years. Their refusal to acknowledge the fact that you are a completely different person now than you were back then is totally insulting to you AND your wife. They should be grateful that you made the opportunity available. Their proposal is utterly selfish & insulting. NTA.
    via u/Underdogwood
  • 21
    PurplePufferPea Seriously, he was a "degenerate" from the age of 16-21 years old. At 21, it sounds like he grew up and put his life together. I am honestly shocked that 20+ years later the family is still holding behavior against him from when he was basically still a child. These people seriously need to grow up!
    via u/PurplePufferPea
  • 22
    OP - I get you feel bad for your past actions, but enough is enough. It sounds like you have more than made amends for your early behavior. At this point, the family's treatment of you now is disgusting! They have no right to ask you to leave your house, that is just ridiculous!!!
    via u/PurplePufferPea
  • 23
    gonnabeadoctor27 Not to mention the fact that nobody has any idea how long MIL's "last years" are going to be. I know someone who first went on hospice 15 years ago!! And lived with a fairly high quality of life until dementia finally got her earlier this year. This would not be a temporary move - it's an attempt to evict you. The BIL wants his childhood house back and he wants you permanently out of the family OP. This is, in all likelihood, a plot to give the whole family an opportunity to att
    via u/gonnabeadoctor27
  • 24
    Lynne1915 Take back your offer. The request is ridiculous and should be discarded. I do not doubt for one minute that they will try to get your house away from you. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel an obligation based on past mistakes. You turned your life around. Good for you. You owe no one anything.
    via u/Lynne1915
  • 25
    Playful_Site_2714 Eff thst "they really don't want to take ownership of da house". Are you really THAT gullible? You will not get one foot back in if ever you leave under their pressure now. If they can't be bothered, then mom and sis need to be rehomed by the rest of the family. As actually they ARE "under your roof", like it or not!
    via u/Playful_Site_2714

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