Aspiring bar owner chooses her career over controlling boyfriend after he forces her to choose between him and her dream: '"If you take it, we're done"'

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 4, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

In your twenties, it feels like anything is possible. Your dreams of moving to the big city as an aspiring writer, making ends meet as a barista as you pursue your mixology certificate, or bussing tables while you audition for Broadway shows—though far-fetched to some degree—still somehow feel feasible. That's because anything can happen in your twenties. This includes bad things, like getting into relationships that hold you back rather than lift you up. Who needs a human form of baggage? Not me, not you, and definitely not the woman in this next story.

A 22-year-old finds herself in a relationship that weighs heavily on her dream of becoming a bar owner. Her boyfriend attempts to come between her and her work, which is in a male-dominated environment. This jealousy not only pushes her to do more for herself, but also actualizes her boyfriend's controlling behavior. Guess who was offered a promotion? Scroll to read.

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  • Am
    via Helena Lopes for Unsplash

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITAH for not switching jobs because my boyfriend doesn’t like me working with men?"

    My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) had been together for just under a year when I moved home from university and got a job in a cocktail bar that's an easy 2 min walk from my house and earns me a decent wage.
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  • I've been bartending since I was 19 and it's something I'm passionate about, to the extent where my friends and I have future plans of opening our own bar.
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  • I really liked the bar I worked in and I'd tell my boyfriend everyday about what I'd been up to because it was exciting. I made many friends in my local area from it (something I never had) and saw them everyday as we all visited each other at work on our breaks.
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  • 2 months into this job, I was offered a promotion to a supervisor position. As soon as I found out, I called him to tell him the good news. He seemed happy for me at the time. My
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  • friends from uni and people from neighbouring bars came by to celebrate my promotion. When I invited him, he said he was busy and that he wouldn't be able to make it. I wasn't too fussed, maybe he'd come and check it out some other time, right?
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  • Wrong. Even if he was staying at my house, he would refuse come to the bar. Something always 'came up last minute' that would make him too busy to come during my shifts, although when
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  • I'd call him after my shift and asked what he did that day, there didn't seem like too much was on his roster at all. From this, we grew a bit distant. He wouldn't
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  • see me as much and I had a lot less to talk about because he seemed disinterested about my job. I couldn't mention my friends because most of my escapades
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  • with them involved bartending, which he started to act weird about when I spoke about it. Eventually, conversation completely des for about 2 weeks.
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  • When I'm a month into my new role, he calls me to talk. He told me that he was considering calling this off because I was 'in too deep'.
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  • He said that I interact with too many men in my day to day work life for him to be okay with it. Dr k men at that. I thought it was a pretty stupid point
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  • considering I only interact with dr k men when we're separated by a bar. I also didn't understand why he didn't take the opportunity to mention that when I was looking for a new job to leave the previous bar, so we bickered a little bit.
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  • I said that I wasn't in any danger, and that if I was, the other guys would help me out. He said THAT was the main problem. My team were also mostly men.
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  • Considering most places of work are mostly men, I thought that was also a stupid point, so we bickered some more.
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  • Cheezburger Image 10536706816
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • He says he doesn't trust them because he doesn't know them and has never met them. I thought this was the MOST stupid point because I had invited
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  • him to the bar multiple times, but he then admits that he never came because he didn't want to. He didn't want to know who the guys are, he'd just rather I didn't interact so much with them that we'd be friends.
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  • For context - it's a very small bar so outside of weekends, we only had 3 people on the shift at a time and the bar would be pretty much de d until the sun was down. As you can imagine, we were all pretty tight. Were we supposed to NOT talk to each other?
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  • We decided to go on a break. He told me to consider trying something new.
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  • But I didn't, and I got offered another promotion. My general manager was leaving and I was offered his position. I was gonna be the youngest GM in the whole company in the space of 6 months. That's huge! I posted it
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  • on my Snapchat and was congratulated by friends, but then I saw a message come through from him for the first time in weeks. He said I was being inconsiderate to his feelings, that he opened up to me and I took that for granted. He finished it off with "if you take it, we're done."
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  • I took the job. AITAH?
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  • What would you do in this situation?

    The woman makes what seems like an easy decision. Why would anyone settle for a person who doesn't inspire them? Being stuck in a relationship where your feelings are a second priority is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone; You are not a whole person to them, but rather, an ideal they are trying to squeeze you into. This is not love, nor is it care. It is control. Never give up on your dreams, am I right?

  • LifeDuck8914 You were never in too deep at your job. But he was drowning in jealousy and control.
    via LifeDuck8914
  • Keep going. Run that bar. Be the bada youngest GM in the company. The right partner will be standing in the crowd cheering you on, not asking you to dim your light because he is insecure
    via LifeDuck8914
  • Particular-Reserve99 You are a young and successful woman. Jump at the GM opportunity and live your life!
    via Particular-Reserve99
  • That little boy wants to control you to cover up his insecurities and probably more. Let him go, you are not compatible. There is someone out there supporting you, having your back and cheering you for your success, you just haven't found them yet. Don't let that promotion slip your fingers for that nuisance of an immature little boy.
    via Particular-Reserve99

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toxic-boyfriend boyfriend relationship advice drama work relationship-drama reddit story relationships relationship feud workplace Reddit toxic relationship entitled people dating advice
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