21-year-old daughter refuses to sign on as a potential legal guardian to her estranged dad's new 4-year-old stepchild: ‘My life is separate from them... I have no wish for anything closer’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 17, 2025 11:00 PM EDT

When you've spent most of your life dealing with familial estrangement, you learn how to live without them. Though it might sound enticing to open up your heart to those who've realized the error of their ways, you always need to be on alert. When you don't hold a close relationship with family, they might take advantage of you're unawareness of their tricks and entitled behavior. The 21-year-old in this next story sees this from a mile away when her father asks her to consider being a potential guardian for his new stepchild in the case something happened to him and his new wife.

Long story short: You don't owe anyone anything. The world is a harsh place. If you've felt isolated from your parents, you know that's just the way life goes, but you have to match their energy. If you spend your whole life cosplaying as a doormat, you might as well be one.

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  • Now, the daughter explains that she and her father don't have a close relationship. They speak about twice a year, and even still, they don't have in-depth, meaningful conversations with one another. It seems like these communications are courtesy calls—a nudge that says, “Hey! I'm here, now you can't get mad at me!”.

    Going from a shallow relationship to requesting she sign on as a legal guardian in the case something happens is absurd. Who would agree to this?

  • 4-year-old boy playing with toy
    via Ben Griffiths for Unsplash

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for refusing to consider being a guardian to my dad's new stepchild if something happened to him and his wife?"

    My dad got married last year and his wife has a 4 year old child on the au sm spectrum. For this reason there have been a lot of
    via CloseSmaiys
  • concerns about what would happen to him if they both passed. His biological father is not in his life and neither are the
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  • biological father's extended family. My dad's ILs are around but none would be willing to take responsibility for him and have all
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  • said no to being guardian's in the event of something happening. She had a friend who agreed but changed her mind after having another child herself. None of my dad's friends were willing either.
    via CloseSmaiys
  • This led them to me (21f). I don't have a close relationship with my dad and hardly know his wife at all. I met her twice I think and her son once. I don't live with them or
    via CloseSmaiys
  • rely on them financially. My dad and I might speak once every couple of months if he has something to say and if not it's like once every six months.
    via CloseSmaiys
  • My dad told me he's considering adopting his wife's son and that it would make him my brother legally then and in that event I should be willing to at least
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  • consider it. But they want me to consider it without the adoption on the table. I told them I would not be willing and did not have to consider it longer. My dad's wife
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  • told me she understands I don't know them well but we could spend more time together and I could see if I would reconsider
    via CloseSmaiys
  • then. I told her my life is separate from them and that I have no wish for anything closer. I told her the time for that passed when I was a child and dad wasn't around much.
    via CloseSmaiys
  • old man on the phone with family
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My dad told me we could end up close down the line and then what. How would I look at my "brother" and tell him I didn't
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  • want to be there for him if he lost his parents. I told him it was a good thing I didn't actually have any brother and that they need to figure out an alternative because even if he adopts his stepson I won't be his guardian.
    via CloseSmaiys
  • While dad's wife has seemingly accepted it he has not and he's calling me selfish for not considering it at the very least and for not having a good reason
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  • to say no outright. He told me things change and we're talking about a little boy who would be destroyed by the foster system. I told him that is not my problem. AITA?
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  • Worldly Drawing5244 NTA. Your dad is cruel to call you selfish in this case when he himself was not around when you were growing up.
    via WorldlyDrawing5244
  • CloseSmaiys It's easy to ignore that he wasn't around when he decides to start over and pretend everything is peachy. But it's not so easy to forget as the kid.
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  • Aggressive_Cup8452 Tell your dad "yes.. I am selfish.. that's a lesson my father thought me so take it up to him." NtA
    via Aggressive_Cup8452
  • pixie-ann NTA and the pressure your father is placing on you is deeply unfair and selfish. Your dad is worried about this little boy's future and to help assuage his anxiety he's trying to guilt you into agreeing to do something you don't want to do, all to relieve his anxiety.
    via pixie-ann
  • So nice to know he cares far more about a child he's not related to, who he met in the last couple of years than the daughter he's known for 21 years. It sounds like you've had more contact with him in the last year than you did for years before that, all because he wants something from you.
    via pixie-ann
  • CloseSmaiys In the last two months there has been more contact from him than ever. I used to see him one Saturday a month as a kid and that went to one Saturday every two months and occasionally he would make up for the skipped month by keeping me the weekend, occasionally. In contrast he has texted almost every day since they first asked me to consider raising his stepson.
    via CloseSmaiys
  • BeautifulDeparture19 So the child's grandparents said no, the mom's friends said no, your dad's friends all said no, but you are an a hole for also saying no too? Your dad is a manipulator and you are definately NTA
    via BeautifulDeparture19

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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement stepchild stepmom reddit story family feud parenting entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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