‘I listen to gossip you have better nails now’: 20+ More professionals describe their job as poorly as possible

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Aug 14, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

It's objectively funny that I'm writing about job descriptions when my job is, in essence, making pictures with words on them and hoping strangers snort-laugh on the toilet. I am, professionally speaking, a meme librarian. A curator of pixels. A distributor of culturally sanctioned giggles. Which is already weird enough without trying to poorly explain it like, I put joke on rectangle, rectangle go brr.

But these LinkedIn bios are driving me clinically and spiritually insane. I can spend hours compiling jokes about raccoons with impostor syndrome, and it still feels less absurd than "Fractional Chief Visionary of Impact-Led Synergies | Speaker | Mentor | Building Communities at Scale."

I write about memes for a living, and somehow I'm the serious one in the room.

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  • We’ve created a parallel universe where people don’t have jobs so much as quests, and every quest is “catalyze something” with a tone that suggests a TED Talk fell into a blender with a startup incubator. An ecosystem where Operations Strategists strategize operations while operationalizing strategies. A framework where Culture Managers manage culture while culturally managing management.

  • Lexi Teves Baby inside belly, I say push, baby outside of belly
    via Lexi Teves
  • Giovanni Machado I legally lie ++
    via Giovanni Machado

  • Here’s a fresh batch of people bravely describing their jobs as badly as possible, while I try not to screenshot another “Head of Delight” and scream into a succulent.

  • The Steam Hotel You and your HR-manager want privacy - u book us
    via Steam Hotel

  • People want enter. maybe no maybe yes

    Cheezburger Image 10541124608
    via BananStock

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • tyris_784 People want enter. maybe no maybe yes
    via tyris_784

  • These are people actually doing things, they're just describing their work like cavemen in therapy: Audio Engineers make loud thing quiet, Plumbers stop water from making house sad. you get the drill.

    I trust that more than “Transformational Go-To-Market Sherpa,” because at least I know what a successful plumbing job looks like.

  • amaiwolf i listen gossip and you have better nails now
    via amaiwolf

  • I'm bored. Describe your job as poorly as possible

    Cheezburger Image 10541121536
    via Maxpetac

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • klee People sad, I listen to yap, people sadn't
    via klee

  • And the paradox holds, the worse the description, the clearer the job. “I make numbers less scary” explains accounting better than any “strategic fiscal optimization narrative.” “I tell computers to behave” beats “Full-Stack Experience Innovator.” At this point, the honest version of my job is: “I feed the algorithm so it doesn’t eat me.”

  • Peterz I stare at liquid and yell at people who touch it wrong.
    via Peterz
  • D If you like piña colada, i'll make it for you
    via D

  • If you like piña colada, i'll make it for you

    Cheezburger Image 10541125376
    via Daniel

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I babysit grown ups at hotels
    via .
  • Lindsay Person try to leave earth. I try to keep them on earth.
    via Lindsay
  • No house, i say abracadabra, now house.
    via oykuugur
  • nowaybro i draw box, people build box, box stays up
    via nowaybro
  • rach Person deceased, person deceased in ground with party
    via rach
  • israanageeb_ Numbers wrong, i point, they panic
    via israanageeb_
  • Julia No teacher today. I teach. Teacher back. I go.
    via Julia
  • Tattoosby.Chels I colour on people for a living
    via Tattoosby.Chels
  • Fiend_ink I edit. Boss say change. I change. Boss don't like. I change back. Boss like.
    via Fiend_ink

  • Me do math, building stay

    architects holding a pencil in one hand sketching on a floor plan and another planning document in the other hand
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Amrit Sidhu me do math, building stay
    via Amrit Sidhu
  • Ämanda Person no leg. Person have leg. I am the leg fairy
    via Ämanda
  • schannnne Kids talk―l say 'quiet'—they talk louder.
    via schannnne
  • Philip Green I fall down, they say cut, repeat till people with money happy
    via Philip Green
  • Madelyn Williams They're ride, I give food, they go bye, I go cry
    via Madelyn Williams
  • jAH Animal hurt, phone ring, save animal
    via J

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management boss corporate workplace-stories comments hr job description professional manager job bosses work linkedin Memes PTO managers supervisor workplace Horrible Bosses work-life balance funny tweets job titles business fake jobs
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