Girlfriend issues "no trespassing" order with police to boyfriend's cheating ex-wife who demands custody of the two dogs he took in the divorce: 'She can be arrested on criminal charges'

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    [Am I wrong] for not letting my boyfriend’s ex wife see the dogs anytime she wants?

    a dog behind a gate including '[She] said I was stealing her dogs (and accused me of stealing her husband)'
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    I have been dating my boyfriend, James, for about a year and a half. He was in the process of getting a divorce from Samantha when we met, and they had four dogs. She took the two smaller ones to her apartment, and he has the two larger ones.
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    I have taken on the role of caregiver to the two dogs, including vet expenses, food expenses, and day to day caretaking. Since I am the main caretaker of the dogs, he has put me in charge of planning when Sam can come to trade the dogs so she can spend a weekend with the larger two while we have the smaller ones (because the four of then don't really get along well).
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    James's mom is coming to stay with us next weekend (and she is just lovely, but she doesn't know about the fact that Sam is still around because of the dogs). Sam texted me yesterday telling me that she is going to come on the same day that his mom will be here to switch the dogs. I
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    explained to her that this weekend isn't going to work well for us because we have things going on, and she freaked out at me, saying that I was trying to control the situation.
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    I tried to set a bit of a boundaryx reminding that I am the caretaker of the two larger dogs, and that I would be happy to plan a different weekend where his mom won't be in town (because I find the way that they have "joint custody" of
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    the dogs incredibly awkward. And because James really doesn't want to have any contact with her because her infidelity is the reason that they divorced in the first place... plus, his mom respects me a lot, and I don't want to give her a reason
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    to doubt my place/presence in her son's life. Plus, sam usually brings her boyfriend, the guy she cheated on James with for years while he was underway, which adds an extra layer to the situation because it's kind of a move on her part to bring the guy who helped ruined their marriage.
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    Two hands on a divorce agreement with wedding rings on the table
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    She told me that she'd text James, who just told her to talk to me about it because they're my dogs, too. She isn't letting it go and is calling me obsessive and controlling and demanding, even though it seems like those better describe how she is trying to go about this.
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    My dad said that she's in the wrong and is being inconsiderate, but my step-mom said that I'm overstepping by denying Sam the chance to see her "fur children". James has assured me that there was nothing in the divorce
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    agreement that specifically states the custody of the animals, so there's no legal action she can take, but she has threatened, nevertheless.
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    I have been patient and accepting of this arrangement for over a year now, even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. James said that he's fine with cutting her and the two smaller dogs off
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    completely, but I feel bad and like I'm the AH for not wanting to put on a show while his mom is in town. I am not saying "you can't see your dogs ever again" I'm just saying that this weekend doesn't work for us...
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    Update: I told her that our arrangement is not working out, so we'll be blocking her number and discontinuing our dog swapping. She didn't take it well, said I was stealing her dogs (and accused me of stealing her husband ).
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    She didn't let up and continued to try to call and text both James and me (from what I presume is her boyfriend's phone). In one of her messages (that she left at 1am, obviously intoxicated and slurring her cusses) she said she'd come anyway...
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    Since she threatened to show up, I reached out to my friend who works in law enforcement. He advised that since I have a small business I run from my house, we can file a no trespassing order. I am going down to the local police station
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    No trespassing sign in nature including PRIVATE PROPERTY NO TRESPASSING
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    today to do just that. Apparently, with this order, they'll notify her (and her boyfriend because I'm not taking any chances) that they're not permitted on our property/lingering nearby, and if she does approach our property, she can be arrested on criminal charges.
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    It doesn't prevent her from coming up to us in the store or if we're walking around the neighborhood, but hopefully it'll be enough to show that we're officially done with her sh**.
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    I never thought I'd be the type to get involved in anything like this, but I sure as HECK will never allow myself to get into a situation like this again! So much unnecessary stress and drama caused by my initial lack of boundaries... even if this is an AH move, it's one that will hopefully bring us the peace of mind to be rid of her mess.
    via Intelligent_Chard130
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    ThrowRAevlcousins Why do you care more about and treat his ex better than he does? You are being way to nice to someone who did your boyfriend dirty
    via ThrowRAevlcousins
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    Alarmed-Speaker-8330 Wow-okay. It's nice he put you in charge of this-plus you get to pay all the expenses for the dogs and because you're such a good girl you get to feed them too. That's all I'm going to say.
    via Alarmed-Speaker-8330
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    PerspectiveKookie16 NTA and Not Your Circus, Not Your Monkeys
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    Just like if children were involved, it is up to the fur parents to coordinate schedules and exchanges, including the actual interface.
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    If James doesn't want the affair partner involved in the exchanges, he needs to tell Sam - not offload it onto you. If the custody exchanges don't work for James or Sam, they need to figure it out.
    via PerspectiveKookie16
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    You should never have been put in the position of handling the interactions with Sam. Those dogs were theirs and they've decided to continue this pet co- parenting thing.
    via PerspectiveKookie16
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    Life_Scratch_2807 If James says he is ok with cutting off this arrangement why are you fighting to keep it going? It brings nothing but drama.
    via Life_Scratch_2807
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    Thymele10 You are a wonderful human being. She is a rotten AH. You just tell her that it's your way for this weekend or the highway. If she bothers you again regarding this weekend, tell her that you will not allow her to call you
    via Thymele10
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    again. Tell her in writing that you are doing her a favor and if she does not have the intelligence to understand that, that's on her. You can add that if she cared so much about the dogs, she would not be cheating for years on her deployed husband.
    via Thymele10

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