'I feel like he doesnt like her': Pawrent torn between two loves as adopted kitten and boyfriend struggle to get along after moving in together

Author image for Sarah Brown
Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Aug 14, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Sometimes love comes with paws and puzzles. In this case, it's a tail of a nervous kitten, a towering boyfriend, and a pawrent trying to make everyone happy. After losing a longtime feline companion, this cat lover adopted a tiny ball of anxiety who miraculously warmed up to her, but still sees the boyfriend as a giant looming over her territory.

They just moved in together, and life has been a bit of a catastrophe. The kitten hides, runs, and occasionally claims the boyfriend's chair or clothes, either marking territory or just being her usual sassy self. Meanwhile, he's allergic, inexperienced with cats, and slightly baffled by this tiny whirlwind of fur, leaving a mix of purrs, hisses, and itchy frustrations. The pawrent just wants everyone to get along and isn't sure what to do next.

It's a classic story of hoomans and felines figuring out coexistence. With patience, treats, and slow introductions, trust can grow… even if he's 6'3" of intimidating pawsitive energy. She's hoping for peace, cuddles, and a house where love, and a little chaos, can thrive together.

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  • 01
    'I want this to work but I feel like I'm going to have to choose and to me she is my baby'
    via ben-bryant / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Back in October I asked my boyfriend if I should get a cat and he said of course. I was living alone and very sad quite a bit. I had a cat for 23 years and put him down the year before so getting another was hard but fulfilling. I ended up having one choose me. She has awful anxiety, they were going to put
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 03
    her down at like 4 months old because during visits she would hide and hiss and bite. She didnt do any of this with me but came out and loved me so I picked her.
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 04
    She was so scared at first. It took her about 2/3 weeks to not hide when I was home. My bf actually came over and she opened up to him first. But because he wasnt there all the time, she would forget and hide and on Sundays would come out once he left (I went to his house on the weekends for like a month). One
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10542241792
    via pato patoouu / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    time she was in the tub and he turned the water on and I think after that she doesnt trust him. I would leave them alone and she would hide and herself. She did this twice. I came back but I could tell this broke his heart. He tried to act like it didnt hurt.
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 07
    Anyways, we just moved in together and things have been rough. She hides until he is gone or in his office. She is coming out more quickly once he is but if she sees him she will dart and hide under our bed. He's allergic so she doesnt sleep with me anymore (shes handled this well but I havent), she is pretty normal
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 08
    until he is around. She has started to lay on his chair or his clothes and I thought it was a good thing as shes wanting to claim him but he gets very mad. He said hes already itchy but that makes it bad. Lots of arguments
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10542241536
    via sambarfoto / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    because I feel like he doesnt like her. I want them to like eachother and he admits he didnt want me to get her but I needed her. She will sit outside his office and try to watch under the door but if she hears big movement will run.
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 11
    He is 6'3 so I think his height scares her. Im so unsure what to do. He's allergic and never had a cat before, just dogs. I love them both. She is my baby and he is my world. I think she is the cutest and will always show him pictures of her and hes like okay... help please. Is she getting on his stuff
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 12
    to make him mad? Does he hate her? The allergy shots arent an option. We dont have 400 to spare every week and insurance wont cover it. I want this to work but I feel like im going to have to choose and to me she is my baby. Why cant they just like eachother
    via Dangerous-Ad4979
  • 13
    TheGuyWhoWants... You put yourself in a bad situation. Your cat is not doing anything to make anyone mad. Get that ludicrous thinking out of your head. I can understand BF not liking it since he is allergic, there's little he can do about that as you said yourself.
    via TheGuyWhoWantsNachos
  • 14
    If your BF doesn't try to bond with kitty then she'll probably always be shy and hide around him.
    via TheGuyWhoWantsNachos
  • 15
    So it seems you have a decision to make. Either your BF makes an effort to bond with kitty, and take allergy meds if he needs it, or you break it off with your BF. Last option is to get rid of the cat which to me is not an option given her backstory.
    via TheGuyWhoWantsNachos
  • 16
    GlassPelica Your boyfriend and your cat are walking on eggshells in their own home and there's no mention of what you're actually doing for your cat's anxiety. If you're not going to investigate and help your cat, please consider rehoming her to someone who can give her the care she needs.
    via GlassPelica
  • 17
    BlackthepolarBear Get her treatment, she needs medication for anxiety. And if your bf isn't. willing to bond with her, think about how this will work for the long term. Either rehome the cat, try to find someone she responds well to or break it off with your bf if he doesn't want to make it work with her.
    via BlackthepolarBear

  • This little kitty clearly has a lot of love to give, but might be able to use some extra support to ease her anxiety. With patience and care, she’ll warm up in no time!

  • 18
    Alarmed-Members... Boyfriend issue aside, have you talked to a vet and considered medication for her anxiety? It may help her and you. My cats are very skittish but it hasn't been issue since I live by myself. One of my cats has FIC and was given gabapentin, the difference is night and day.
    via Alarmed-Membership-1
  • 19
    lytosin Let me get this straight. You already had your cat before he moved in. He moved in with you anyways. And he gets mad that he's getting a reaction? Sounds like his problem, not yours. He can get out of the house tbh.
    via lytosin
  • 20
    bipolar_ranting I've seen so many negative comments now insulting you and your bf and I just want you to know that it's good that you're trying and don't give up on them. I have an incredibly anxious ADHD cat that went through terrible ab e. She was going to be euthanised due to the rescue centre not being able
    via bipolar_ranting
  • 21
    to take care of her and her surgeries. I adopted her and it took her over a year to get used to my brothers and my friends. I've had her for almost 4 years now and she took almost 8 months to get used to my bf after she was socialised etc. it's a lengthy process to socialise anxious cats, but they are worth it.
    via bipolar_ranting
  • 22
    Regarding the allergies: ask him if he's willing to take anti drowsy antihistamines?
    via bipolar_ranting

  • Sometimes it just takes a bit more time. As long as everyone’s willing to put in the effort, patience and allergy meds can help them coexist happily and build trust over time.

  • 23
    Kags_Holy_Friend Something that helped my boyfriend (now husband) a lot while getting to know my anxious kitten (he wasn't a cat person due to never really being around them before we met) was explaining to him (and gently reminding him when needed) how she compares to humans developmentally.
    via Kags_Holy_Friend
  • 24
    Mentally, kittens are literally infants, even if they can physically get around on their own sooner. And cats' brains only let them develop. to a certain level intellectually, so even a 20 year old cat is more like a young child in many ways.
    via Kags_Holy_Friend
  • 25
    Helping your boyfriend keep in mind that your kitten is still just a baby may help him not take things so personally. It helped my husband a lot, and helped. him find more patience.
    via Kags_Holy_Friend
  • 26
    For example, your cat isn't doing things to spite your boyfriend. She's far too young to have the capability to scheme. When cats get older, they may take impulsive actions to send a message, but sleeping on your boyfriend's clothing is either coincidental, or because she wants to get closer with him. She is literally just a baby.
    via Kags_Holy_Friend

  • It can be tough for a boyfriend new to cats. Helping him understand the kitty's quirks and needs could be the start of a blossoming bond between them both.

  • 27
    anklefire Bye bye boyfriend. You sound like you are a cat person and will always want to have a feline companion in your life. You really want to try and deal with a partner who's allergic and doesn't get along with cats if we're honest? That would be a deal breaker for me.
    via anklefire

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boyfriend relationships girlfriend adopted feline Cats kitten advice
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