20-year-old rejects his stepmother and her family after they treated him like an outsider since he was 5 years old, despite his dad's demands that he consider them family: 'I was left out and they were angry I was even there'

Treat others how you want to be treated. Well, and don't be surprised with people want nothing to do with you when you've treated them badly. A lot of people take their family for granted, a circumstantial set of people who are stuck with them no matter what, and who will keep being there for them despite never doing the same in return. Family is more than just circumstance; it's the people who are repeatedly there for you and show up when it counts, who go out of their way for you without even being asked, standing by your side when things are at their hardest. But when the opportunity presents or necessitates, you need to be able to do the same in return.

It's about loyalty, care, and consistency.

By his own account, this "family" showed this now 20-year-old none of the qualities that make up the foundations of what an actual family is. They might be family by legal definition, but they certainly never made any attempt to actually be such. While blending families is always difficult emotionally for all kids involved, it is marginally easier with young children who have a less developed sense of identity. So it should have been possible for his stepmother to accept the young child in her family with open arms. She and her children made no such attempt, treating him always as an outsider and as less than them.

It's no surprise then that now, at 20 years old, he'd rather have nothing to do with them. That ship sailed, repeatedly, over the course of the last 15 years.

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  • 01
    "Ellen didn't fill any motherly role for me, and her kids were clear that I was less than a stranger."
    via victorchaidez

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 02

    "AITA for denying my dad's wife and her kids as my family and reminding my dad he made the choice to stay when I had no say?"

    I (20m) was 5 when my dad married Ellen. Ellen was a widow and she had five kids. Her oldest four were all older as in late teens to 20s. Her youngest was 7. My mom bailed on me when I was 3 so I didn't have an active mom and I was an only child. Ellen didn't fill any motherly role for me and her kids were clear that I was less than a stranger.
    via Indruuu
  • 03
    Ellen's youngest never wanted to hang out or play with me. For a little while when we first started living together I thought we would. But he always moved away or told me to go away when I tried to play or spend time with him. He ignored me the rest of the time and would sometimes refuse to say anything when I talked to him.
    via Indruuu
  • 04
    Ellen's older kids would all come and visit their brother and ignore me. They'd bring him toys, candy, take him to see movies or bring him for treats like McDonald's. Not only was I not welcome but a few times they were asked to take me and I'd hear it from them when they told me I wasn't their brother and that meant I couldn't come and I better not get upset about it so they'd be asked again.
    via Indruuu
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  • 05
    Christmas and other holidays where they visited their brother it was always like that. I was left out and they were angry I was even there to begin with. My dad would try to cheer me up or spend a little extra on me but it didn't help because I was living in a house where the kid around my age, who was supposed to be family wanted nothing to do with me and his siblings who were supposedly my family too wanted nothing to do with me AND would be mean about excluding me. They liked rubbing it in.
    via Indruuu
  • 06
    I was miserable and I didn't have any extended family to fall back on so I had to sk it up. I started avoiding celebrations when I could. And I focused on me. When I did that I heard Ellen's kids say stuff was better without me ruining everything and if only dad was gone it would be perfect.
    via Indruuu
  • 07
    I decided to focus on getting out of dad's house ASAP and I couch surfed for months after I turned 18 before settling into a place with some friends. I still talk to dad, but not a lot. He mentioned recently that I should come for a family dinner with him, Ellen, her kids and some of her extended family. I told him they're not my family and I would not be welcome so I won't be going. Dad told me we might not get along all the time but we are family. I told him they're not and he made the choice
    via Indruuu
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  • 08
    He told me it wasn't fair because he made sure I didn't miss out on stuff all the same. I told him being rejected by everyone else and ostracized in my own home was not made up for with a few material things. AITA?
    via Indruuu
  • 09
    A young boy in a yellow raincoat walks alone crying
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    False-Spend8335 NTA. I don't understand how a man can stay with a woman and in a family that is deliberately cruel to his child. How could he possibly love her?!?!?! He's a despicable human being and so are they. You are better off without the lot of them! I'm so sorry that your childhood was like that, nothing will make up for it.
    via Indruuu
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  • 11
    feliniaCR "I told him being rejected by everyone else and ostracized in my own home was not made up for with a few material things." Perfect message. Sounds spot on. NTA & I hope your dad learns something from the conversation.
    via Indruuu
  • 12
    Sea_Frosting_7096 Sounds like your dad got to live a happy life at the expense of your happiness. NTA. You were not only abandoned by your mom you were abandoned by your dad but him being within arms reach. The facts that he was active in your life and watch this go down and turned a blind eye... unacceptable. I'm sorry OP. That s ks. I hope you can heal and move past all of this
    via Indruuu

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