31-year-old divorced mom of a 9 and 11-year-old refuses to meet with ex-husbands 2nd wife who wants to usurp her as the mother figure in her children's lives: 'They told me to get used to hearing her called mom because they would not stop it.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 18, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

I will never understand stepmothers who want to overthrow the mother of their stepchildren as the primary maternal figure in their lives. It's one thing if a kid does not have a mother who is alive or an active part of their lives, and even then, it's best to tread with caution. When a kid fully has a mother who loves them, is involved in their lives, and serves as the primary parental figure to them, it is crazy to think that you could overthrow that just because you're dating their dad. It's great to have a good relationship with your stepchildren, and if they decide that they want to call you "stepmom" or "bonus mom," more power to them. But in 99% of the cases, there is no way that a stepmother will become more important to them than their mom. There's nothing wrong with being a secondary parental figure.

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  • Cheezburger Image 10543037440
    via Jayson Hinrichsen (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The stepmom in this story faces more challenges than just wanting to bond with her stepkids. She wanted to have kids with her husband and make his kids like her more than their mom, but her infertility made that plan moot. 

  • AITA for ignoring my ex's request for a sit down talk between him, his wife and me?

    I (31f) have two kids (11 and 9) with my ex (33m). We were never married and our relationship was never very good so breaking up wasn't the worst thing that could've happened. For a while it surprised me that he left first. I always suspected his wife (32f) was around before he left me. I
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • know the two of them told me they were a couple less than five months after we broke up and in that same conversation they told me they were a team and everything going forward had to include her because the kids would know her as their second mom. They told me to get used to hearing her called mom because they would not stop it and would actively encourage it.
    via u/AnnieD09010
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    via Simone Summo

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I brought them to court and the judge added a clause about calling a stepparent/partner mom or dad. This ped them off but they still tried to show off what they could do as a couple for the kids that I couldn't as a single mom. Ex's wife also told me that
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • she would be the mother to their other siblings and she was going to give my ex a bunch of babies and that would win the kids over to her even more. She said she would be the preferred mom even if they never got to call her that. Or she said maybe they would and my kids would hate me for separating them if I got so jealous.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • I spent a lot of years documenting and trying to stay calm for the sake of my kids. We used a co-parenting app for communication and they still sent messages through that about how she'd be favored and things like that. They were scolded a number of times over it.. A few years ago I put my kids in therapy because I knew they picked up on the issues between the adults.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • My ex's wife never got pregnant. I know I'll sound petty when I say this but it made me so happy after all the gloating and said the kids would prefer her because she'd give them a lot more siblings. For a while I noticed she was looking more and more depr_sed and desperate when no babies seemed to be born.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • Around July last year my ex told me the kids would be with me for longer and he would work out a make up schedule later. I found out 6 weeks later that his wife had tried to take her own life and was in the hospital and that it was triggered by the news she could not have biological children. She and my ex also told people that it was made worse by my son not drawing her in a picture of his family that same day at summer camp.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • I filed with the courts for a change in the custody agreement temporarily and it was granted. She had to complete certain steps for the kids to go back into the house with her. My ex and her were unhappy but since they used my kids as an excuse I did not want to take any chances with them. She completed all the steps and custody was returned to 50- 50 in February of this year.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • Back in June my ex suggested the three of us sit down and talk some things through. I told him anything that needed to be said could be done via the app. He said face to face was better. That they wanted to improve the relationships so that she could be an equal parent and family member to the kids. Both of them
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • started info dumping about her inability to have bio kids and how it hurts her to know the kids don't see her as family. How they want us to put away the animosity so we can all be present and there for the kids and that she realizes it won't happen while she hates my guts and wishes I would give the kids to her.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • I started ignoring the requests after first saying no because I do not think this will be a good idea and I do not trust them. They do not want us to do it over the app. The lucky thing for me is it's all in the app and there are some concerning comments like they would hope I would let go of the no calling a stepparent or partner
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • mom or dad rule and things of that nature. When I did not reply and agree to meet up my ex started saying I was not putting the kids first and I needed to stop using everything against them in court. AITA?
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • Cheezburger Image 10543037952
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Flimsy-Surprise8234 NTA and if they don't want their actions to come up in court, they should stop doing obnoxious things that an authority figure can see are wrong.
    via u/Flimsy-Surprise8234
  • Annie D09010 OP I wanted to reply with that but I have decided not to engage unless it's actually something important to do with the kids. That stops any escalation and shows the court I'm not engaging in petty fighting.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • Valuable-Release-868 This is very smart! Their fertility issues, her depre s on over it, and her subsequent actions are NOT your concern! Stay focused on the kids!!
    via u/Valuable-Release-868
  • If anything,she seems to be unstable and spiraling, and I fear their inability to manipulate you into doing what they want, might cause her to lash out, spiral further or worse! Please watch this situation closely. Having to send your kids into that home with what she has already said/done is quite frightening!
    via u/Valuable-Release-868
  • Annie D09010 OP I keep a close eye on things and my kids' therapist does too. We'll know if things start to get worse through them or my ex's sister who gave me more info last time. Ex doesn't communicate sh to me that he should and he was told he needs to stop withholding relevant information from me.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • italy2986 Did she actually say she hates your guts and hopes that you give the kids to her? If so, I would take that right back to court immediately and have her restrained from any contact with your kids. Who's to say on one of their days they don't take the kids and run or do something else drastic.
    via u/italy2986
  • Annie D09010 OP She did actually write those things out. That's not enough for the court to act on though. At least they won't take the kids because she wrote it. They'll just get another verbal warning. I need it to be more the next time we go to court.
    via u/AnnieD09010
  • JeffSpicolisVan She did actually write those things out. That's not enough for the court to act on though. At least they won't take the kids because she wrote it. They'll just get another verbal warning. I need it to be more the next time we go to court. And this is why they are so adamant about the face to face meeting versus the app. They don't want that paper trail. Stand your ground, my dear lady. App or nothing with this lot. They have proven time and again that they cannot be trusted.
    via u/JeffSpicolisVan
  • j_bunnes If you did a face-to-face, which you are not obligated to fulfill their request ever and best to keep communication on the app, inform them it will be fully recorded (video/audio). This will most likely stop them from requesting a face-to-face.
    via u/j_bunnes
  • Tricky_Direction_897 NTA. Honestly, I would take them back to court. This lady doesn't sound stable and your ex is enabling it. And I say this as a woman with infertility.
    via u/Tricky_Direction_897
  • AnnieD09010 OP I'm waiting for them to give me enough for the court to act this time. I don't want to keep spending money for them to get warnings. My biggest worry is about her stability being around my kids.
    via u/AnnieD09010

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divorced family drama kids mother stepmom wife reddit story parenting husband divorce family reddit thread Reddit mom Parenting Fail custody Parenting FAILS
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